I used to flip dairy fairy cartwheels out when my favorite food bloggers would go days without posting. I’d not know what to eat so I spurted milk from my body to live on. Some of it made it into a glass.
I would say you should just stop listening but this is typed so you’d just have to stop reading when I get awkward with words.
I wouldn’t understand where my food bloggers had gone. How could my food mothers and other goddesses just leave me? I’d feel completely lost and just simper over to the stove to make bacon and eggs. Then I would feel happy because bacon and eggs is always delicious.
Without their recipes to guide me I had no idea how to cook and I was even scared to do so. There were too many spice combinations I didn’t understand. What if there were carbs hiding in the spinach? Little carbs may have jumped out of the oranges, turned micro, and restructured the leaves. I didn’t know.
That was at the point where I was counting carbs and looking at food as equations rather than simply as food.
At first the body does need to relearn its intuitive knowledge of how to take care of itself. When first starting on keto I was still a sugar ravishing human that weighted 110 pounds and thus thought I was healthy. I had to rewire my brain’s pathways to accept that sugar was a drug. It turns out that drug keeps your body from knowing when your body is full. Your body thinks of the most vivid resource when hungry and sugar is one of the most vivid of all. My mouth dripped for chocolate at every thought of it and I’d eat without a stop once it made its way in.
I’d adapted to the point I did have the full feeling, but I’d eat sugar without being able to stop. Keto cured me of that by detoxing out the sugar and returning my body to itself. In a few weeks I’d finally reached a point of true food gauging. My body spoke to me about everything it desired. There was no fear impulse to scarf down a Crunchwrap Supreme or an uncontrollable urge to drink down a tub of ice cream after I let it melt a few hours and then topped it with Butterfingers. After being off sugar for months candy actually started to look like toys that I couldn’t understand as food. Why were people eating the toys in their Happy Meals? I’d realize quick but it still felt odd to watch.
I’ve fallen in and out of keto a lot the last couple of months. I’ve been writing in Marfa and been in a film festival in Sedona, so food was given to me often and I was broke so I just let it slip. Sedona was incredible and they fed us everyday as part of the VIP experience. I was in a film that was submitted and got in. The nurturing and wisdom that came from the town even inspired me to write them a letter called To the Sedars, The Sedona Counsel of Elders. I still need to hand write it on a scroll for them.
It hasn’t been horrid. It felt like cheating but with a very sexy donut. I didn’t slip that far, but I did find the most succulent chocolate molded into soft lumps with sparkling cayenne gently fondling their flavor. Oh my god these truffles were so rich and creamy and mmm I’m lost in the memory every time I touch it. The oddest mind moments occurred when I would have sugar and then want to eat everything in edible sight. The toys became food again. I still keep caving to chocolate, and yesterday I even went too far in chocolate and wound up eating lots of chips too. Sigh. I’d only had an avocado, cheese, bacon and cabbage up to that point and was in full control. Then one bite of chocolate and I actually watched as my eyes turned everything to food that minutes before I hadn’t craved at all.
Today I’ve only had water and I’ll kill the cravings with green tea throughout the day’s hours. I want keto back like a drug addict knowing their cure.
Since typing that I finally found coconut oil and cocoa. Before this moment I had been craving chocolate and thought it was just for the sugar, but then realized I haven’t had red meat in days so I could be feeling cravings for the magnesium and iron. After the pure combo of cocoa and coconut oil touched my mouth an hour ago, and I felt my mouth melt to the taste, I now that was it. That prefrontal cortex song of nutrients soared through my brain like that first bite of steak. It tasted even better than tiny chocolate bars. Ha. Puny cocoa moments. I thought of them after and my brain laughed. The cravings were gone.
While in Marfa I did create a dish I can have forever in life, regardless of any restrictions I dare place on my mouth. I got high one night and had this block of pure cocoa. I also had just taken a small scoop of coconut into my hands and rubbed it into my cast iron, fully pushing it into the iron and soaking myself in the moment of my hands and oil meeting my favored cooking tool.
I then saw the bar of pure brown and picked it up, tried to eat off a chunk and realized it was too hard. My eyes cast themselves about the room and saw my heated iron just begging to be used. I turned up the heat and pushed the cocoa bar into the oil until it met the iron. It slowly melted in. The brown seeped into the pan and coated the black with melted chocolate. I was lost in it and just let it melt as I rubbed the bar deeper and deeper in as the bar got smaller and smaller in my hands while the chocolate poured off. I held the bar with my right hand and my left finger nuzzled itself into the pan and scooped the chocolate into my mouth. Oh my savory bliss of earthenly pleasure. My eyes would not stay open in order to fully absorb themselves into the taste with me.
At first my mind yelled that it would be hard to get out and said I shouldn’t use the whole thing! Thoughts melted away, unable to penetrate the flavor the oil and chocolate were making.
Time lost itself as I let the bar melt all the way in and got a spoon. I dashed salt on top and just stood there, body leaned in with elbows on the counter as I spooned bite by bite into my mouth. I was still in full control as the pleasure melted into my senses and I got lost in pure chocolate. Then I paused and decided to get Brussels in on this. I opened the fridge and pulled out the tiny green leaves bunched into a shell, carved them open and then in fourths and placed them in the melted chocolate. I heated them over medium high and watched them turn crispy in the cocoa, pushing them about the pan as they told me what to do.
Crispy Brussels leaves soaked in chocolate is such a delicious crunching seduction. Sprinkle salt on top and you have all your senses could want.
Oh and the cocoa comes right out. My cast iron was more clean after it than before. If any sticks just add more oil and fry things in it. I left some in the pan and fried an egg on top of it the next morning. It was so flipping eggwheels good.
Cocoa Buttered Brussels
1/4 Bar of cocoa (or 2 T of cocoa powder)
About 2 Tablespoons Coconut oil (or butter)
Melt chocolate into cast iron by either adding coconut oil to the pan and melting your cocoa paste into it, or adding butter to the pan with cocoa powder.
Chop the Brussels into quarters and fry them in the chocolate, pushing them around occasionally with hands or a spoon, for about six minutes. Try them randomly to see how cooked you like them, Brussels need to be crispy with a barely soft inside, but that’s just my preference.