Category Archives: cavewoman

Cocobutter Clove Cookies

The bitter burst of winter clove is tamed into a bursting warmth of earth flavor in these coconut butter, pumpkin and clove cookies. 

I entered a cookie swap this year as a way to insert this little blog into the world. It is growing up and I think it is time for a coming out shindig with clove dresses and cookie hair pieces. There would be top hats with an extra brim in the form of a bowl that you could go around with while party people snatched up cookies at their mouth’s desire. 

You might think in your sprog that a little low carb and paleo human could not be part of a cookie swap, but it worked out super well. I was sent delicious almond cookies, ginger snap cookies, and some other cookies that accidentally fell to the ground after my roomies dogs figured out how to knock them from the table. 

Cocobutter Pumpkin Cookies

I can’t wait for the day where food has no labels but for being food. I can add so many diet labels to these when in reality all they are is coconut butter and pumpkin sweetly molded together with a burst of clove. So simple and yet so bold.

When only going for the qualitiest of ingredients one must learn how to be simple with recipes.

Even adding salt can flow out the pennies from your wallet, but when every ingredient is delicious you also get the best flavors. There is no compensation or need to hide any ingredient. Instead you can feature the ingredients and let them burst into yours and your guest’s mouths.

Coconut butter is a newer trend and is still costing a pretty penny to purchase, but making your own is super easy if you have time and a food processor or blender. You could also use a nut butter for these if you don’t feel like venturing into the delicious land of the coconut. Coconut lends a delicious level of sweet that is so natural you’ll want to turn into a cavewoman. There is no point to adding sweetener when you have the coconut. If you’re scared to venture out then you can go ahead and add the coconut sugar or honey, but I suggest trying them without it and sprinkling some on top if you change your mind. That way you get to try them without the sweetener but can still safely add some if you change your mind.

These cookies are also low carb, vegan, egg free, vegetarian, paleo, AIP friendly, Paleo friendly, gluten free, grain free, sugar free, nut free, and fodmap friendly. Serve these up at any party without fear, just don’t forget the brimming cookie top hats. 

 

Yield: 2 Dozen Cookies

Ingredients:

Cocobutter Cookies Ingredients.jpg

1 Cup Coconut Butter (DIY)

1/2 Cup Pumpkin Puree (DIY)

2 Teaspoons Cloves, Crushed into Tiny Bits (or pre-ground cloves)

Whole Cloves (1-2 per Cookie)

2 Tablespoons Coconut Sugar or Honey (optional)

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees for a slow bake or 350 for a quickie.
  2. Beat, or use a fork, to combine the cocobutter and pumpkin.
  3. Crush fresh cloves in a mortar and pestle into coarsely ground.
  4. Beat together the cloves and coconut sugar with the cocobutter and pumpkin.
  5. Lay the cookies out on a sheet. Since there are no lifters the size you make the cookies is the size they will turn out.
  6. Bake at 200 for 45-50  minutes or 350 for 12-15 minutes.
  7. Mouthgasm.

 

Visual Tutorial

  1. Preheat the oven.
  2. Beat the pumpkin puree and cocobutter together.
  3. Crush the cloves up:

Crushing Cloves

4. Combine all ingredients and then lay the cookies out onto a baking sheet:

Cookies on pan MLM

5. Press one or a couple of cloves into each cookie:

Cloved Cookie Sheet.jpg

 

 

 

Cocobutter Clove Cookies

Advertisements

Kale Chip Chicken Nuggets

Zombie fingers 2

I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.

Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.

This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.

Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.

Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.

Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.

I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.

The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.

 

Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:

The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks

Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it

(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)

1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)

4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds

or

2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)

2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)

Final Chicken Nuggets

Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:

  1. Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
  2. Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
  3. Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
  4. The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).

Coated

Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:

  1. Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
  2. Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
  3. Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.

Oven Directions

  1. Set the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
  3. Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
  4. Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
  5. Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.

Baked vs. Fried

(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)

Fried vs Baked

For Avocado Mayo:

Ingredients

1 Avocado

1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oi

1/2 Teaspoon of Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice

Sriracha (optional)

Directions:

  1. Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
  2. Drizzle in sriracha.

CHickeN nUggEtS

Macros:

Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.

cootie-free-chicken-nuggets 2

Kiwi Chia Jam

The kiwi is a high fiber fruit. It even comes into your mouth at only 8 carbs per whole fruit. If you are staying under 20 that is a lot, I understand. It is a mere 1.2 net carbs per tablespoon though. If you are in maintenance or just doing the paleo game then welcome to my mouthgasms.

Every time I search what is healthy about a fruit or veggie the top search is always ‘ Item you Searched: Healthiest Food in the World” .  

Le sigh. Almost everything on this earth probably has some nutrition in it. The main issue is whether or not the human body can actually utilize those nutrients. This is why bread and grains just don’t go inside of us. They have tons of nutrition in various ways I’m sure, but we can’t absorb most of them. Also those FODMAPS are not human friendly.

If you have some time later please research this and come tell me what you find. The food our bodies absorb most tend to be vegetables, meats, and fruits. Dairy is a debate, nuts need to be soaked and grains got corrupted but seem to have once worked. Honestly it is a mind scourgy of caring and keeping up with it all. The thing is I feel so blissed out body and mind wise all day. The control I feel is barely believed due to the years I spent feeling out of control of my own mind and exercising the moment I saw any tummy fat.

The main thing you can do though is start to make things for yourself. That way you know exactly what is in it. 

The jams you get at stores tend to have preservatives and are hugged deeply by sugar. I actually have a hypothesis on why sugar does not work too well for us. The already known information is that sugar triggers our bodies into hibernation mode and causes us to store fat in preparation. This is also why you get ravenous and need more, despite if you’re fat or not. Your body is literally telling you to go find more sugar now in order to fatten you up. Remember the gingerbread house story?

So how does this affect the mind?

What if this also puts your mind into the present tense? What if this makes your connections latch onto the idea of the now, of the getting the food and storing it up? What if this causes you to stay in the same connections/thoughts to the point it is hard to have future thoughts or perception? It also makes us hyper. What if that is the body exerting tons of energy out to go and get that sugar? Waste energy now because you’ll be hibernating later. Just a hypothesis but is might make sense 😉 If you take it even further, what if it could lead to us wanting to go and be alone/hibernate? This could be part of the reason for anxiety.

About that Kiwi Chia Jam Though

It’s jam. Of course it is delicious.

Ingredients:

8 oz (about two cups) Kiwis

1/4 Cup Erythitrol, powdered

2 T Chia Seeds

1/4 Cup Water

To Create:

   1.   Chop the kiwis into small shapes. The larger the shapes the more chunky the jam will be.  For kiwis I found it easiest to slice them into rings and then peel the skin off.

Cut Kiwis

   2.   Grind your sugar in a spice grinder until powdered

Spice Grind

   3.    Coat kiwis with powdered sweetener and mix together.

Powdered Kiwis

   4.   Let release juices for about 5 minutes.

   5.   Mash kiwis with the back of a fork or go to war with a spoon. Let come to a boil.

Spoon Mash

   6.   Let the jam boil for about 7 minutes to let it thicken.

          (Imagine pictures for the following steps)

   7. Add 2 T of Chia seeds and stir for 1-2 minutes.

   8.   Remove from the heat and let cool for about fifteen minutes.

Final Kiwi Chia Jam

1.2 Net Carbs per Tablespoon

Cocomacanut Traveling Fat Bomb

The sound for this taste is lorsmun with a bliss tinkerings bracing the lor and leading into the smu. A mind lifting purr of pleasure.

I’ve made many a fat bomb in my little existence. In oddity I’ve never made macadamia butter into these mouthgasms. Strange due to my deep love of the macadamia. You can taste the satisfying pour of fats from its goddess insides into your mouth. It doesn’t even know me so this love is purely from my mind to yours. I daresay I’m killing more by telling you this so I’m being quite cruel to my love.

I even want all mouths to experience her deepest moments.

Traveling fat bombs are so ingenious I still barely believe I came up with them. It was purely by change really. I made energy bites from All Day I Dream About Food and then put them in an empty coffee can from Trader Joe’s. I then put some pistachio fat bombs from The Healthy Foodie on top of those and then off to the rolling road I went. The trip wound up being longer than expected and I was hungry. I tried a two day car heated fat bomb and found it even more delicious than when it was ripe from the fridge. The flavors had soaked and warmed together to bring out new notes of flavors and they melted into my tongue.

They wound up lasting five days and still being incredible.

Since then I’ve just analyzed into a simple noticement. None of the ingredients have a short shelf life.

Since this discovery I never take a roadtrip without a jar of traveling fat bombs goodness. I actually sometimes leave a jar in the car just in case sporadic hunger hits at any traveling moment. This one beasts the Brazillian nut coffee bomb so hard though. Try this one first and tell your mouth to thank me ;). Really you should think the macadamia though, but I’m sure we can have a threesome.

The base recipe.

The Inner Moments

3/4 Cup Roasted Macadamia Butter (How to: Make Your Own)

1/4 Cup Coconut Butter (How to: Make Your Own)

 2 T Coffee (Quality matters, I used a delightful coldbrew but a Chemex or French Press would do well)

1/4 Cup Unsweetened Shredded Coconut (Optional)

1/4 teaspoon ceylon cinnamon up to 1 teaspoon based on preference (Start small, taste, increase if desired)

1/4 teaspoon vanilla (I used Madagascar bourbon vanilla)

To Make it Come

Together

Pulse the above together in a food processor to desired consistency and store in a fresh jar, or reuse nut butter jar.

Macadamia and Coconut Fat Bomb Final

Melted Flowers Cocktail

Somehow in the liquids of time gin got pushed into the Godfather territory. People know it exists but not many actually try it, and there’s debate on its worth for those that do.

I am a strong lover of gin. To me it has always tasted of melted flowers dripping into my sprog. The flavor is bright yet hardened by the alcohol soothing its inner dwellings. 

Tanqueray is my go to bar gin, but the very first gin to enter me was from this couple doing a tasting at a Spec’s. I was learning how to life on my own at this point. I had quickly moved in with a lover that I was, of course, going to spend forever with and no one understood how fiercely our love conquered age. I, oddly enough, had a dream about him last night where he left his Tech job to work at a vape job. He isn’t that silly, except for in dream mode. This human was working often though and I learned how to function in solo around the Fort Worth and Dallas regions.

My main entertainment was a joybliss hole called Buon Giorno’s in Grapevine. Go here if you have the chance. It is eldern style of dark woods and a European feel where you talk to people instead of your laptop. This coffee shop held three humans I still consider life term friends despite having left that time of my life a year ago.

While at Spec’s I was browsing through alcohol and trying to find something new. I already had Kraken in my hands, but I’d had that taste many times. I asked about gin and she smirked. She said not many people liked gin but she enjoyed it. I asked about the flavor and she said it was hard to describe, but they were having a tasting of it soon. Some local vendors were coming in with the gin they made.

To someone who was currently counting dollars a tasting sounded amazing before committing. My father was the frugal type and had us wait an hour and come back before buying things at fairs or malls. I appreciate that deeply now.

I waited about twenty minutes and browsed through collections of bottles. Some had flowers nuzzled inside but they weren’t the mouthbliss flowers that were about to soak my mouth and leave their love stains.

IMG_20150704_135828

It was then that I met the makers of Gompers Gin. I remember it vividly despite it being an old memory. I fell hard for gin and asked how people could not love such a flavor. They said not all gin is like theirs and had laughter singing in their words. They meant it. I thought they might be a bit conceited, but bought the bottle to avoid losing such a flavor.

I actually finished the bottle to make this cocktail. They were not wrong, as I’ve learned in trying a few gins that a bite at the end. All gin is still accepted inside me, but you want to try perfection before delving to deep. Their taste is simply melting mouthbliss. Some people just don’t know gin as well as they do.

I deeply recommend getting Gompers Gin. Not just because the flavor is the first gin your mouth should know, or flavor it should learn anew with gin, but because they are small batch and the couple played Pokemon and Smash Bros.

Melted Flowers Cocktail

The simplest cocktail, a savior when needing a keto or paleo friendly bar option:

Melted Moments:

1 to 3 Shots Gompers, or inferior, gin

The rest of the glass’s fill of soda water

The juice of a lime section

Roses (optional)

To Make

Combine the above