Category Archives: dairy free

Cocobutter Clove Cookies

The bitter burst of winter clove is tamed into a bursting warmth of earth flavor in these coconut butter, pumpkin and clove cookies. 

I entered a cookie swap this year as a way to insert this little blog into the world. It is growing up and I think it is time for a coming out shindig with clove dresses and cookie hair pieces. There would be top hats with an extra brim in the form of a bowl that you could go around with while party people snatched up cookies at their mouth’s desire. 

You might think in your sprog that a little low carb and paleo human could not be part of a cookie swap, but it worked out super well. I was sent delicious almond cookies, ginger snap cookies, and some other cookies that accidentally fell to the ground after my roomies dogs figured out how to knock them from the table. 

Cocobutter Pumpkin Cookies

I can’t wait for the day where food has no labels but for being food. I can add so many diet labels to these when in reality all they are is coconut butter and pumpkin sweetly molded together with a burst of clove. So simple and yet so bold.

When only going for the qualitiest of ingredients one must learn how to be simple with recipes.

Even adding salt can flow out the pennies from your wallet, but when every ingredient is delicious you also get the best flavors. There is no compensation or need to hide any ingredient. Instead you can feature the ingredients and let them burst into yours and your guest’s mouths.

Coconut butter is a newer trend and is still costing a pretty penny to purchase, but making your own is super easy if you have time and a food processor or blender. You could also use a nut butter for these if you don’t feel like venturing into the delicious land of the coconut. Coconut lends a delicious level of sweet that is so natural you’ll want to turn into a cavewoman. There is no point to adding sweetener when you have the coconut. If you’re scared to venture out then you can go ahead and add the coconut sugar or honey, but I suggest trying them without it and sprinkling some on top if you change your mind. That way you get to try them without the sweetener but can still safely add some if you change your mind.

These cookies are also low carb, vegan, egg free, vegetarian, paleo, AIP friendly, Paleo friendly, gluten free, grain free, sugar free, nut free, and fodmap friendly. Serve these up at any party without fear, just don’t forget the brimming cookie top hats. 

 

Yield: 2 Dozen Cookies

Ingredients:

Cocobutter Cookies Ingredients.jpg

1 Cup Coconut Butter (DIY)

1/2 Cup Pumpkin Puree (DIY)

2 Teaspoons Cloves, Crushed into Tiny Bits (or pre-ground cloves)

Whole Cloves (1-2 per Cookie)

2 Tablespoons Coconut Sugar or Honey (optional)

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees for a slow bake or 350 for a quickie.
  2. Beat, or use a fork, to combine the cocobutter and pumpkin.
  3. Crush fresh cloves in a mortar and pestle into coarsely ground.
  4. Beat together the cloves and coconut sugar with the cocobutter and pumpkin.
  5. Lay the cookies out on a sheet. Since there are no lifters the size you make the cookies is the size they will turn out.
  6. Bake at 200 for 45-50  minutes or 350 for 12-15 minutes.
  7. Mouthgasm.

 

Visual Tutorial

  1. Preheat the oven.
  2. Beat the pumpkin puree and cocobutter together.
  3. Crush the cloves up:

Crushing Cloves

4. Combine all ingredients and then lay the cookies out onto a baking sheet:

Cookies on pan MLM

5. Press one or a couple of cloves into each cookie:

Cloved Cookie Sheet.jpg

 

 

 

Cocobutter Clove Cookies

Advertisements

Slow Cooker Spiced Pear Cider

Final Slow Cooker Spiced Pear Cider

In ‘making this recipe up land’ I’ve discovered that throwing random fall spices into a slow cooker for cider feels the same as imagining out spices for baking. In your mind the flavors fuse together as you toss them into the bowl, and you can just taste the future flavors ahead. Eventually, after you experiment and come to know these slow cooker cider recipes, you can make ones that revolve around your mouth’s desires, especially if you’re like me and love tons of cinnamon in your drink (benefits of the single life do include having everything taste the way only you want, without having to care about others’ mouths).

I have  a confession you can’t tell the other white ladies. I’ve grown a bit weary of the pumpkin spice. It has been used in the slow cooker apple cider, and the cookie pumpkin dough, the pumpkin spice ketchup

 

Since time is rolling into the holidays I decided to use up the last of the spices in my little bags and see what nature could fondle together with some pears, anise, cloves, cinnamon, and why not some garam masala?

My mouth is so glad this concoction was fused together.

Pear Cider

All of the spicy sweetness you could want comes through with each sip, and you get a little twist for a holiday drink that will make all of your guests feel they’ve stepped into the great hall for a feast. If you all wear your house scarves and serve this with pumpkin pasties (coming soon 😉 , then call me so I can join.

If you want to be more traditional then you can definitely stick with the spices in the slow cooker apple cider and just substitute out the apples for pears.

Rawr

I personally prefer the pears now because they have a more seductive and deep taste that goes well with fall spices, but I’ve honestly always preferred pears to apples.

This cider is so inspiringly delicious I’ve already made a cocomilk pear spiced latte, pear spiced brownies…I totally left the oven on. Woops *texts roomy to please turn off oven*. Woot technology and slow baking(I’ve been baking at low temps lately for thorough heating and close to god level deliciousness). 

Pear cider cocomilk

Soon there will be a pear spiced cake. Keep your mouths watering. 

Pear Cider Ingredients

Ingredients:

4-5 Pears (I used bosc pears)

1 Tablespoon Whole Anise

2 Teaspoons Whole Cloves

3 Cinnamon Sticks

1 Tsp Garam Masala Powder

7-9 Cups Fresh Filtered Water (Quality Matters)

 

 

Visual Tutorial

  1. Compile all of your spices and pears together:

Pear Cider Ingredients

2.   Chop your pears into quarters:

Chopped Pears

3.  Put the pears into the slow cooker and fill up with water:

Into the Pot

 

4.  Dump all of your spices into a nut bag or directly into the slow cooker (to be strained out later:

IMG_20151123_192527

5.   Cook on low for six hours or high for three hours

6.   On the last hour smash the pears against the side of your slow cooker.

7.   Take out the spice bag or strain through a colander over a large pot.

8.   To serve simply warm in the slow cooker and serve to overjoyed guests.

Serve

How to: Make Spaghetti Squash

30 Minutes Spagetti Squash

I have some memories of pasta on cold nights of childhood.

Meatballs and sauce soaking long noodles that I struggled to look proper with. My pinkie did not stay up (did you know that originated as a level of drunkenness test?). I remember loving the meatballs the most and being sure to beg father for extras. Otherwise, in pasta food memories, I would order at an Italian restaurant, and that meant pasta. I bet they’d have a pasta dessert if they could.

Angel hair baked in lemon surrounding a toffee chocolate ball anyone?

 Chicken Alfredo was my favored pasta dish. Once I left the nest I only feasted on 30 second macaroni bowls, the Kraft ones. I loved those more than the grass water I used to boil. Yeah…I’m that much of a fairy and loved grass. One day I went outside and picked some, boiled it, and drank. I remember that so vividly. It was so liquidgasming.

Fresh, and like drinking the smell of mowed grass.

I found pasta annoying otherwise, except for Ramen. The weight and mental issues I gained in college make so much sense when I see them typed out on this screen. The Ramen was totally made healthier with chunks of celery and carrots though 😉 .  Ever since going low carb high fat pasta and rice have been mouth banned, and never really missed. They’re just fillers and bacon and butter fill you more. Then one night, at some point in the past, I tried Spaghetti Squash. It was odd but I became ravenous for it and started eating it all the time. This was mostly because I was the only one eating keto and my lover didn’t want it so it entered me often. A full squash makes about four meals. I stored half in the fridge and it lasted for a week. The taste was changed everyday. One day it would have marinara on it one day, lemon pepper the next day, cheddar cheese with Italian spices, and finally a chocolate cinnamon with berries. That one is magical.

All vegetables are basically incredibly nutritious for us, especially those found above the ground. Embrace the caveside.

(The brologic being since our ancestors had access to it then it is most likely what we are meant to eat)

Foods naturally accessible to us just work because no matter how much we try to disconnect from this earth we still need it to survive. Just one night try spaghetti squash over your pasta and see if you can feel and taste the way your body takes it in. Feel the difference.

Away from bro logic it is way easier and more delicious to reheat than noodles. I’ve used both cast iron and flames as well as microwave and both reheat it to the same texture.

 Spaghetti Parts

Buy or Grow a Spaghetti Squash (local farmer’s markets have these right now too, go interact with your food maker)

Locate 2 T of Oil (Look for dark bottled EVOO that has been cold pressed)

Large Glass Baking Dish

Oven

To Create Spaghetti

  1. Preheat the oven to 375 Degrees.
  2. Cut the Spaghetti Squash in Half (Spaghetti squash are very hard and need extra muscle power. Activate beast mode for this part). I leave the stem on to use as a  grip.
  3. StabScoop out the innards with your hands and put them aside. Take a low quality picture and turn the picture into a painting and hope no one notices. You can roast the seeds or just eat them raw. You can also eat the innards
  4. Remove the InnardsDrizzle the squash in oil and then rub that wet goodness all over its insides.
  5. Dripping OilPut the squash face side down in a baking dish (or on top of a baking pan) and put the whole thing in the oven.
  6. Glass TimeLet it spaghetti up for 30-35 minutes. (If you forget about it, like me, put it in the fridge for about an hour otherwise it is too soft to perform).
  7. Fork it/scrape prongs across the insides until they turn to spaghetti.
  8. ForkingLeave the spaghetti in and use the shell as a bowl or store for up to a week in the fridge.

Spaghetti Squash Tutorial

Nutritional Breakdown: Pasta vs Spaghetti Squash

Serving Size: 140g:

Whole Wheat Pasta:

Total Fat: 1g, Total Carb: 37g, Sugars: 1g Iron 8%DV

Servings Size: 155g

Spaghetti Squash:

Total Fat: 0g, Total Carb: 10g, Net Carbs: 8g, Sugars: 4g, Vitamin A, Iron and Calcium: 3%, Vitamin c 9%DV

Whipped Coconut Cream and Berries Hardened by Granola

Whipped Two

If you have leftover coconut whipped cream from the hangover smoothie I have the words on what to do with it. 

I suddenly have become aware of all the words I’m using. Has it become too many?

I haven’t actually experimented with any aspect of what this whipped coconut cream can do in comparison to cow whipped cream, or goat whipped cream (Mmmmm *suddenly mind soaked*), but I have topped it with berries and granola now. You deserve this in your mouth, and I couldn’t just let you leave that cream in the fridge. Cream is meant to be on your lips or inside you. 

Whipped Coconut Cream and Berries Hardened by Granola

Whipped Coconut Crea

Raspberries (or any other berry)

Granola Crumbles from All Day I Dream About Food  Cherry Granola Bars 

(I did mint instead of cherries and it was delicious)

(or any low carb or paleo granola you desire)

Optionally Added: Hemp Seeds, Chia Seeds, Cocoa Powder, Erythitrol (for keto),Coconut Sugar (for Paleo)

Directions:

  1. Let the coconut cream get warm. If you’ve left it in the fridge it needs some calming down time, as my mouth discovered.
  2. Top with berries and granola bits. The frozen ones defrost very quickly and it allows you to get incredible berries even if you live in the Lubbock desert. I use Cascadian Farms sometimes. I found a better brand but I’m not at home and Google didn’t find it.
  3. Add whatever else your mouth desires.

Whipped Coconut

Ish Macros (high variance and not counting granola) Total Carbs: 4.4, Net Carbs: 3.6, Fat: 14.1g, Protein: 1g

Faster by the Dozen: Baked Eggs

IMG_20150703_200754

Baked eggs have a special little spot in my fridge that constantly gets refilled.

 Admittedly that spot changes all of the time because I share the fridge with three other people so items move as fast as the Jews. I am one by blood so I can mock this.

Every time I feel lacking in nutrients or a deep hunger craving hits I can just take one out, salt it/paprika it and then pop it right inside me. They also can be blissfucked into an egg salad or stuffed into a raw avocado. They’re especially great when you get tipsy and all food, even Taco Bell food, suddenly seems appealing.

Those mind barriers dropping. I swear I could help ADHD drop those horrid procrastinating fears by convincing society to let us be drunk all the time. I’ll even swear on dark raspberry chocolate laced in broccoli (cuz who cares if that dies?)

Eating a baked egg gives you one of those life moments where you have to remember back to your past self and shake your head with little glares. How have I not been baking a dozen perfect eggs into my mouth for so many years (or minutes depending on your age of course…what? We have baby robots by now somewhere)?

Admittedly I’ve still had the white stick to the shell in about a 15thish of the eggs I’ve peeled. Those moments are still far more rare than my boiling egg days.

What will truly have you leaving boiling eggs to the friend zone is that baking eggs is far less timely and you are brought to full completion far more often. I mean the eggs are. 

Eggs are that food everyone agrees is healthy, almost. It is closer than the agreement about all other foods so let’s just count it.

It turns out the yolks actually have the most nutrients though, so please don’t just eat the whites. If you are that odd then please send me the yolks and I’ll send some calorie free water to you in compensation.

Baked Eggs Necessities:

A Cupcake/Muffin Pan

Eggs (I trust Happy Egg Co and my farmer’s market for delicious mouth and mind eggs)

An Oven

For the Love of Baked Eggs:

  1. Turn your oven to 320 degrees
  2. Wait for your oven to reach 320 degrees
  3. Put your eggs into a cupcake or muffin tin (however many you want) and put them into the oven.
  4. TinsGo play an ARAM for 30 minutes, or read a book. (Let the eggs bake for 30 minutes, but at 26 minutes prepare an ice bath)
  5. Take eggs out of the oven and use tongs
  6. Tongsto immediately put the eggs into an ice bath. Turn them into a painting at this point.
  7. Ice bathWait until cool enough to handle and transfer to fridge. You can peel them now and store but I like to keep them in the shell for self pleasure and it makes me feel like they last longer.

Low Carb and Paleo Hangover Smoothie

Humans keep having this assumption that I eat like a butterfly.

That’s very cute, but what I lose in bread and rice I make up for in butters and fats. I’m an odd little high fat person as I mostly use coconut oil/butter instead of dairy products. Although I consume 30 or less carbs a day I get 90% of my energy from fats. I used to drink heavy cream straight, such as in the heavy cream treat. Lately I’ve gone dairy free though since it feels uncomfortable to my insides every time I put cheese or cream in there. So I’ve just switched to coconut and food tastes even better.

I also eat tons of bacon. And then cast iron vegetables up with the grease.

There are days I’ll eat no meat or just some organ meat, but even on those days I get fats otherwise. Why the high carb low fat diet does not work is people wind up feeling starved. People wind up cheating and feeling terrible, as though they did something wrong. The body needs fat, and it tells us that.

So my weekend had kiwi chia jelly shots and melting coffee cocktails.

On this morning I want bliss soaked fats covered in bacon, with some electrolytes from salt. Most hangovers are dehydration so drinking water and boosting up those excreted electrolytes will help you feel mindloose and headache free.

Hangover Smoothie

Hangover Cocktail Ingredients

2 Slices of Bacon

1/2 Cup Almond or Coconut Milk (or Cashew). Increase for thinner smoothie.

1/4 Cup Frozen Raspberries (or blueberries, snozberries, or blackberries)

1/2 Cup Full Fat Greek Yogurt. (Leave out to decrease fat if needed, or add more coconut cream if dairy free).

1/2 an Avocado

1/2 a Teaspoon of Cinnamon

1/2 a Teaspoon of Salt

3 Coffee Cubes (freeze your leftover coffee into cubes)

Sweetener if you need it (I’m a bitter loving beastwoman and take it straight)

For Whipped Coconut Cream

1 Can Coconut Milk

(Great coconut whipped cream recipe, and what brand to buy here)

or

Heavy Cream turned into Whipped Cream

To Create:

  1. Cook bacon and put aside
  2. Blend cocktail Ingredients (except for bacon) in a high speed blender until smooth

To Make Coconut Whipped Cream

  1.  Leave can of coconut milk in fridge overnight
  2. Scoop off the cream layer into a stand mixer or hand mixer bowl
  3. Beat into stiff peaks
  4. This will leave you with extra cream. If you do not desire extra whipped coconut cream use less of the milk and store or put into smoothie

Combine:

  1. Pour smoothie ingredients into stein
  2. Top with whipped coconut cream
  3. Add raspberries and bacon
  4. Eat bacon first

Final Hangover Smoothie

Creamy Coconut Cauliflower Mash

Psssst. I have a tiny confession. Please whisper it in your head.

I no longer feel a bodily love for cheese.

Phew. I felt a releasing sense of ease just from typing that.

We grew up together you see. My body and cheese have frolicked in delicious fields of love and whimsical times. It let me have threesomes in forms of burgers and up to twentysomes in casseroles. Oh such a timeless love cheese and I fell into.

Then I met coconut and fell madly into true love.

I would not have known that cheese and I aren’t actually meant to be until I went off it for a few weeks. I went on  a mindcation and bodycation without even realizing it. Coconut butter, coconut milk, coconut pulp crackers and coconut oil were everywhere. Coconut was inside me every day.

During this week I felt clean and lively with no body air escaping my top or bottom holes.

I kept getting full on coconut creamed spinach, bison beer braised meatballs, spinach salads dosed in sunflower oils and chia seed granola bars to the point I was not hungry and did not even think of cheese.

Everyday was mental and mouthbliss.

You don’t even think of the past when captured by coconuts.

Cheese is now an ex and it might just stay that way. I know what feels and tastes better now. The moment I went back to cheese I had inflammation. I switched back to coconut and felt incredible again. Everything even tasted more incredible. My mouth taste buds adapted away from cheese and made room for a new love.

The taste of this cauliflower mash is little white trees springing to life and coating themselves in creamy and delicious coconut. Then they dance because they have never felt or tasted so good.

It is so creamy and it is so fresh tasting your mouth will crave this again and again. The more your mouth knows this taste the better it will be because of all those antioxidant soakings and all of the nutrients locked in those cauliflower tiny trees. It even holds anti-inflammatory benefits. Inflammation is linked to depression, anxiety and general fatness.

This mash also keeps really well for at least two days, and if you reheat it in cast iron with bacon the grease soaks right in and makes even more mouthgasm moments.

Creamy Coconut Cauliflower Mash

IMG_20150826_161621

Mouthgasm Moments:

1 Head of Cauliflower

2 T Coconut Cream

1 T Coconut Oil

Salt and Pepper

To Create:

   1.   Break the cauliflower into chunks. Save the leaves and bottom chunk for vegetable broth to be made later

   2.   Boil the cauliflower for 10 minutes until soft

   3.   Drain cauliflower and put all of the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth, occasionally scraping down the sides

   4.   Salt and pepper to taste

For Cauliflower Rice

If you want cauliflower rice just pulse this recipe instead of reaching the smooth consistency.

For the Microwave:

   1.   Follow direction one above

   2.   Put cauliflower in microwave safe dish with the cream and oil. Microwave for six minutes.

   3.   Stir to coat and then microwave for four to six more minutes.

   4.   Put cauliflower into blender and blend until smooth.

   5.   Salt and pepper to taste.

Coconut Mash

Nutrition Comparison: 

Potato: Fat: .2 g, Potassium: 897 mg, Carbs: 37 g, Protein: 4.3 g, Vitamin C: 70% DV, Calcium: 2% DV, Magnesium: 12% DV

Cauliflower: Fat: 1.6g, Potassium: 1,758 mg, Carbs: 29, Net Carbs: 17, Protein: 11g, Vitamin C: 472 % DV, Calcium: 12% DV, Iron: 13% DV, Magnesium: 22% DV, Vitamin B-6: 55% DV

Cauliflower also has strong detox benefits as well as antioxidants. It is a nutrient lovebliss of moments your body needs inside it.