Category Archives: dairyfree

Low Carb and Paleo Slow Cooker Beef Stew

Raw Ingredients

Beef stew to warm your body and soul as winter fires warm the background.

Stew is a tasty and warm meal you share with your fellow humans, especially with the holidays upon us and friends and families gathering to share their favorite recipes or newly discovered stew ones.

This savory stew feeds a whole slew of people, but can also be reheated and eaten over the week for enticing mouth pleasure just for you. This stew gets even better over time as the flavors get more and more time to mingle. The radishes are the nutrient dense replacement of the potato, and with just a few carrots you get a burst of color without too many carbs to switch you out of keto into hibernation mode.

Food Stare

With the winter cold seeping in through the doors who wouldn’t want to hibernate

Oh yeah, all of us with jobs and school. I’ll remain in keto mode for the rest of the winter most likely, especially with final examinations upon us college kids. I have to spit out my educated words onto papers and bubble in the correct letters in a month or so. Because of this I’ve also been keeping up with my gut flora and having some kombucha or pickled veggies every day. Your gut flora has to be nurtured fellow humans, just feed it what our ancestors have for years and you’ll access the memories of ancient pasts (kind of…not really…with maca I do hear people chanting around campfires and feel very connected to the cave though).

This soup has no stones, but if you were to eat this stew with Stone Soup cuddled into your lap with the stew next to you and a fire crackling the night sound waves, then you might feel a true soul type of comfort. Also I might have to join you because that is now my fantasy night…kind of. We’d also need avocado brownies and cinnamon spiced kombucha.

The Taste

The meat gets so deliciously tender while still having that rip into it texture we love so much. The radishes lose all their raw bitterness and turn into delicious soft mouth morsels. The quality of your ingredients gets to come out one by one and bite by bite. Excuse me I have some stew to reheat (in either the slow cooker or in the oven).

Beef Stew Raw Ingredients

Ingredients:

For the Meat:

2 LBS Stew Meat (Grass fed and Finished, I trust my local farmer or Wellness Meats)

1 Teaspoon Salt

2 TBS Avocado or EVOO Oil (for frying)

Stew Ingredients:

2 Large Black Radishes or 2 Cups Regular Radishes

2 Tiny Carrots or 1 Medium Carrot

1/2 a Small Onion (Different Carbs in Onions Chart)

1 Clove Garlic, minced

6 Cups Homemade Veggie or Beef Broth (I used a homemade bone and veggie broth)

1 Tablespoon Worcestershire or Coconut Aminos

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Rosemary

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Thyme

Tablespoon Fresh Parsley (optional)

Couple of Sprigs of fresh Rosemary or Thyme (also optional)

Final Beef Stew

Directions:

  1. Let meat rest for 30 minutes because Alton Brown says too (more thorough and even heating essentially).
  2. Coat the meat in salt and rub it in, then sear the pieces in oil until just brown on all sides (do not overcook).
  3. Chop up Radishes both as slices and in chunks for variety. Chop up the carrots and onion too.
  4. Add meat and everything else to the slow cooker and cook on low for 8-10  hours or high for 5-7 hours.

Visual Tutorial

  1. *imagine meat resting and seared pictures here*
  2. Chop up your radishes and carrots into various sized chunks.

Chopped

3.   Sneak a carrot into your oil and then into your mouth.

Carrot Dip

4.   Add all of your ingredients to a slow cooker with some fresh parsley.

Crock Potted

5.  Store your leftover veggie bits in a giant bag to freeze and use for veggie broth later.

Veggie Bits

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Too Easy Tuna Salad: Zero Carbs

On so many days I arrive home starving, or tipsy, and need to just consume food. In general, keto makes you feel really full as your body is so satisfied by itself, but because of this full feeling I’ll forget to eat until about four.

At this point I could go the day without food and reach epic mental clarity, but if I’m in hunger mode I’ll just nom whatever is in oral vicinity with the ravenous force of a 105 pound goddess.

So in my mind cookbook there has to be quick and easy recipes that I can make without even having eggs or mayo. I run out of both of these constantly. Because of this simple mind cookbook I’ve been saved many a fast food caving cravings, and instead pack my body full of life nutrients.

Since taste is based on nutrients (science bitches), this tastes epic and makes for such easy travel food. Grab a lemon on the road from any random grocery store and you have a delicious lunch bursting with lemon and brain nutrients. All at zero carbs and friendly for the paleo humans.

Too Easy Tuna Salad MLM

Today I’m just going zero carb in order to detox from yesterday when I decided to scoop a 1/4 cup of honey into me.

Ingredients:

Can of Tuna (Read what to get and what to avoid here)

Juice of Half a Lemon

Two Dashes of Salt

Directions:

  1. Open can and take a few bites to make room for the juice.
  2. Squeeze in juice and add salt. If you can eat the rinds of lemons go ahead and chop it into bits and add those.

Just for you: our corgi Thor. Otherwise known as Thorgi

Thorgi

Simply Raw Chocolate Recipe

The easiest chocolate is one part cocoa to one part coconut oil, but it can be taken further. If you are looking for a more solid and moldable chocolate then this recipe should fill your mouthly desires.

I would tell you about all the benefits of the raw goddess but I’m a bit queezy feeling today and I’m sure you can Google.

For me it’s just because it tastes like goddesses having a mating party on my tongue.

There is this method called tempering where you bring the chocolate to 150 degrees and it will stay more solid at room temperature, but this step is not necessary when it comes to taste. I have not personally tried tempering the chocolate due to having no reason to. At some point I’m sure I can bring it up to a little higher heat though and will report back.

Simply Raw Chocolate Ingredients

Chocolate Crumbles

1 Cup Cocoa Paste

1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder

1/2 Cup Coconut Oil

1 Teaspoon Coconut Sugar or Erythitrol (or more, my taste buds are off when it comes to sweetness)

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

Directions

  1. Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer as it will burn the chocolate).
  2. Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
  3. Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
  4. Let the cocoa rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
  5. Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
  6. Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a loaf pan).
  7. Either let the chocolate become solid in the fridge or let it sit out at room temperature until it becomes solid.

Simple Raw Chocolate Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Oh my bliisgore it is October! The people are allowed to be monsters and the monsters are allowed to be people. Halloween has been a favorite holiday inside me since I stopped crying from Hocus Pocus and the Boogyman in Nightmare Before Christmas. Those genuinely feared up my dreams for years with Jaws receiving random invites. The rebounding badassery of not crying apparently led to love.

Pumpkin pie is a top mouth love and will have to be recreated in keto/paleo form soon, but for now I’ve only had two pumpkins and the puree is awaiting potential pieing in the fridge. Avoid cans for now since the fresh stuff is piling out of the ground. It is time to embrace the pumpkins, even their insides, and even if you’re not a lady.

Oh and right now is the time to get your super nutrients all over your insides with the flu rattling around. I swear it’s nature’s form of turning us into zombies. The highest antioxidants are actually found in certain spices. Just you know, clove, allspice and the other common pumpkin spice ingredients. 😉

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie Inner Ingredients:

Inner Strings of Pumpkin

1 Cup Almond or Coconut Milk

1 Avocado

1 Teaspoon Coconut Sugar or Erythitrol

1/2 Teaspoon Pumpkin Spice

2 Cold Brew Coffee Cubes

Directions:

  1.  Scrape out the pumpkin innards with your hands and set the seeds aside.
  2.   Put the innards into your blender along with the other smoothie ingredients.
  3.   Blade swirl all of the inner moments and pour them into a glass.
  4. Roast the pumpkin and seeds for the future.

Besides, you don’t want those unloved innards to come and haunt you 😉

Haunted Pumpkin

Deeply Chocolate Raspberry Macadamia Cups

Chocolate Drizzled Me

There’s a one to one ration that gives you a five minute quickie with mouth bursts of deep chocolate. Deadly darkened to only your desires with sweetness dripping from your fingers.

Coconut oil to chocolate. No melting required. Nothing needed but your hands and a combination of wet dripping oil and fluffy cocoa powder. Two on two melting together. Hard powders and oils to liquid mouthbliss. Then off to the fridge to become hard again.

You can take them back to room temperature, get your hands wet in oil, or not, and mold them all over again the moment you are wanting or lost in cravings. Then you can add raspberries, blueberries, cinnamon, snozberries, any mind desires.

I could really use some chocolate right now…or other things. Or both. A chocolate massage bar recipe is coming soonish.

So about these better than Reese’s mouthgasms. You basically take a 1 to 1 ratio of cocoa powder and coconut oil for some incredible deep chocolate. Some people can’t handle it going that deep though and need some practice. I added a half teaspoon of coconut sugar to my 1/4 cup to 1/4 cup ratio but you could also add erythitrol, go black and never come back, or even increase your sweetener.

The best part of this recipe is you can mold the cocoa and oil together and add just a bit of sweetener and increase it from there. You are in complete dominance of this chocolate. You could even take half of the batch with sweetener and the other half without sweetener and every day sample a bit of the darkness until you can go further into its depths.

Final Dark Chocolate Raspberry Macadamia Cups Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

The Taste

The advantage of getting into deeper and deeper chocolate is you get to taste and feel the maximum amount of pleasure chocolate has to offer. Earthy sensual notes that pair well with coconut sugar’s earthy flavors very well. If you layer that pleasure with macadamia butter then you’re just going to mouthgasm all over the place. The raspberries are optional but they add a bright crunch and fruity moment. Seriously though. Put these inside you.

Ingredients:

1/4 Cup Dark Cocoa

1/4 Cup Coconut Oil

6 T Macadamia Butter (or any nut butter…or jelly…or anything your mouth desires)

2-3 T Raspberry Pieces (chopped up frozen raspberries)

1/2 Teaspoon to Teaspoon Coconut Sugar (paleo) or erythitol (keto)

Silicone Cupcake Molds

Choco Cups Real

Directions:

  1. Mold the chocolate and oil together with your hands until they melt into chocolate.
  2. Mix the chocolate with raspberry pieces.
  3. Press the chocolate to the bottoms of your silicone molds and up the sides.
  4. Pour in your nut butter or mouthly desires.
  5. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.
  6. Cover the filling with chocolate.
  7. Refrigerate again for 30 minutes, or just eat them now.

Notes: The chocolate still stays solid at room temperature but does melt easily into your hands. It is still delicious but to keep the shape you will want to leave these in the molds or leave them in the fridge.

Visual Tutorial

   1.   Mold the cocoa and oil together

Chocolate Mold

2.   Mix in the raspberries

Raspberry Add In

99.   Imagine the rest

Raspberry Chocolate Macadamia Cups Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Macros: Makes 6

With Erythitol:

Total Fat: 21.8g, Potassium: 59.5g, Total Carb: 4.6g, Dietary Fiber: 2.9g, Protein 1.7g

Net Carbs: 1.7 Per Cup

With Coconut Sugar

Total Carb: 5g, Net Carbs: 2.1

Kale Chip Chicken Nuggets

Zombie fingers 2

I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.

Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.

This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.

Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.

Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.

Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.

I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.

The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.

 

Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:

The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks

Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it

(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)

1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)

4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds

or

2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)

2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)

Final Chicken Nuggets

Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:

  1. Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
  2. Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
  3. Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
  4. The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).

Coated

Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:

  1. Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
  2. Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
  3. Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.

Oven Directions

  1. Set the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
  3. Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
  4. Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
  5. Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.

Baked vs. Fried

(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)

Fried vs Baked

For Avocado Mayo:

Ingredients

1 Avocado

1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oi

1/2 Teaspoon of Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice

Sriracha (optional)

Directions:

  1. Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
  2. Drizzle in sriracha.

CHickeN nUggEtS

Macros:

Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.

cootie-free-chicken-nuggets 2

2 Ingredients Zucchini Muffins

There is too much zucchini growing in all of our gardens and minds right now (all of those food bloggers keep putting it in there).

In order to let you savor zucchini with smilegasms I have made for you a very easy noms that takes two ingredients most likely already in your fridge. Eggs and zucchinis.

Both ingredients are easily obtained from your local farmer’s market, even if you live in a desert (my life). Honestly there’s just something primal in the satisfaction of getting what you put inside you from the person that grew it.

This recipe is shockingly delicious due to its minimal nature, but both ingredients get to really come together inside your mouth. Easily cast iron heated in the mornings and you can keep them simple and change the toppings. Hot sauce, chives, paprika, tomatoes, beaver tongue. Just let your mind grow wild.

Ingredients:

6 Happy Eggs

1 Cup/Half of a Zucchini

Spiralizer or Knife

Donut Pan or Muffin Pan or Cupcake pan

  1. Preheat oven to 375 Degrees
  2. Sprilaze your zucchini or cut it up into chunks with a knife/your teeth (I do this with chocolate for my mug cakes all the time).
  3. Salt and pepper your zucchini to taste preference and toss.
  4. Circle the noodles into your donut pan or put them into a muffin/donut pan after thoroughly spraying it down with coconut oil/other oil
  5. Crack an egg into each hole and swirl it out a bit (the best tasting ones are just gently moved around instead of scrambling the egg).
  6. Put your pan into the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes.

Visual Tutorial

    1.   Spiralize the zucchini.

Spiralizing

2.   Swirl the zucchini into holes/place into muffin pan.

Spiralized Zoodles

2.   Crack an egg into each hole.

20150912_111455

3.   Bake for 20-25 minutes and then pop them out. Can be stored in the fridge for at least a week (mine were gone after that).

Zucchini Donuts