Category Archives: guide

Faster by the Dozen: Baked Eggs

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Baked eggs have a special little spot in my fridge that constantly gets refilled.

 Admittedly that spot changes all of the time because I share the fridge with three other people so items move as fast as the Jews. I am one by blood so I can mock this.

Every time I feel lacking in nutrients or a deep hunger craving hits I can just take one out, salt it/paprika it and then pop it right inside me. They also can be blissfucked into an egg salad or stuffed into a raw avocado. They’re especially great when you get tipsy and all food, even Taco Bell food, suddenly seems appealing.

Those mind barriers dropping. I swear I could help ADHD drop those horrid procrastinating fears by convincing society to let us be drunk all the time. I’ll even swear on dark raspberry chocolate laced in broccoli (cuz who cares if that dies?)

Eating a baked egg gives you one of those life moments where you have to remember back to your past self and shake your head with little glares. How have I not been baking a dozen perfect eggs into my mouth for so many years (or minutes depending on your age of course…what? We have baby robots by now somewhere)?

Admittedly I’ve still had the white stick to the shell in about a 15thish of the eggs I’ve peeled. Those moments are still far more rare than my boiling egg days.

What will truly have you leaving boiling eggs to the friend zone is that baking eggs is far less timely and you are brought to full completion far more often. I mean the eggs are. 

Eggs are that food everyone agrees is healthy, almost. It is closer than the agreement about all other foods so let’s just count it.

It turns out the yolks actually have the most nutrients though, so please don’t just eat the whites. If you are that odd then please send me the yolks and I’ll send some calorie free water to you in compensation.

Baked Eggs Necessities:

A Cupcake/Muffin Pan

Eggs (I trust Happy Egg Co and my farmer’s market for delicious mouth and mind eggs)

An Oven

For the Love of Baked Eggs:

  1. Turn your oven to 320 degrees
  2. Wait for your oven to reach 320 degrees
  3. Put your eggs into a cupcake or muffin tin (however many you want) and put them into the oven.
  4. TinsGo play an ARAM for 30 minutes, or read a book. (Let the eggs bake for 30 minutes, but at 26 minutes prepare an ice bath)
  5. Take eggs out of the oven and use tongs
  6. Tongsto immediately put the eggs into an ice bath. Turn them into a painting at this point.
  7. Ice bathWait until cool enough to handle and transfer to fridge. You can peel them now and store but I like to keep them in the shell for self pleasure and it makes me feel like they last longer.

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Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam

Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam

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I was blissing out at Trader Joe’s when I found Tiger Figs.

I figured them to be high carb fruitscraggles, but they’re surprisingly low in carbs. 5.61 net carbs per fig. I immediately popped one in my mouth hole upon returning home. Mindgasming bliss. These figs are a taste I’ve never known. My life story could have three pages written just on this flavor and mind capturement.

After eating three my compulsion to eat more was capturing and I had to think of a way to spread the tiger figs out. They also needed some preserving because a couple were already softening. Jam seemed a worthy solution.

I knew Craig had posted a low carb jam recipe before and a quick Google search pulled it up. He made a strawberry chia seed jam and said you could substitute any fruit. How blissing easy.

No lying bias, this is the best jam I’ve ever had. Make it and mindgasm then mouthgasm.

Figs are mind bursting in anti-oxidants and brain juices. These livened me within and I’m sure they’ll do the same with you. Make sure to nom one raw.

In raw form these fruits really mindburst while as a jam there are sweetly warm tones your mouth can’t go living without.

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Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam Ingredients:

8 oz (about two cups) Tiger Figs

1/4 cup Erythitrol, powdered (or choice of sweetener)

2 T Chia Seeds

1/4 Cup Water

To Create:

   1. Chop the tiger figs into small shapes. The larger the shapes the more chunky the jam will be. If you fear the chunks make smaller or maybe blend. Add these to a saucepan.

Tiger Figs

   2. Grind your sugar in a spice grinder until fluffy then coat the figs.

Powdered Figs   3. Mix the powdered sugar and figs together and turn the heat to medium. Let sit for about three minutes for figs to release their juices.

Heat the Figs   4. Mash the figs with a fork and let the mixture come to a boil.

5. Let boil for about five minutes with occasional stirs. The mixture will thicken.

Jammed

6. Add chia seeds and water to jam then stir for 1-2 minutes.

7. Remove from heat and let cool 15 minutes. The jam is then ready to serve or store.

Tig Fig Chia Jam

Nutrition: Wields 2 Cups of Jam. Serving Size: 1 Tbsp

Total Carb: 3.25 Net Carbs: 2.625 Total Fat: 0 Protein: 2g

Nutrients: High in Iron, Magnesium, Copper, Vitamin B6 and Calcium

How to: Travel like a Healthy Human

I‘ve now been on a real food low carb eating lifestyle for two years now (mostly). My body and mind now know what it feels like to cheat and react with sickening stomach quakes or mental ick fields of muddled connections. I’m on these lifestyles to combat mental illnesses that I’ve struggled with ever since I was twelve and downed three energy drinks laced with sour patch kids every day. When that high no longer got me going I dipped sugar cubes into icing.

Maybe I’m preset to get those illnesses or maybe they’re from those mind altering chemicals.

I had the energy drinks/various sugar highs when my brain was developing, and maybe it developed with them to the point it glitched. The ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts all leave when I go at least three days without cheating, and I continue to not connect to those mental disorders as long as I don’t cheat.

I mostly stick to my diet when on vacation through my traveling fat bombs or just by finding my own foods.

At a cafe I got an omelette and my twin got french toast with peanut butter bacon and bananas.

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Yesterday I cheated because there were caramels coated in chocolate with salt dredgings.

I love those things. Despite my mind saying those things will hurt my body didn’t listen. My mind gave in to just one. Then two and then three. Then I drank some Kahlua white russian with a side of wine.

This pain seared right behind my ears. This used to happen all the time before I went on keto/paleo and if I don’t cheat it goes away. I’ve linked it to being too much sugar and especially too much wine. My twin, Abbey, still deals with the pain, in the same spot, on occasion.

My OCD tinkered last night and I could not stop arranging the cars in our Magic game to line up with the tiles on the table. I couldn’t untrap those connections. I could not connect away/think of anything else but making the lines on the cards line up with the other lines. Consuming consumption. I was even aware of what was happening and was unable to control it.

This morning I was still pretty trapped and had to find a way to release that entrapment of connections.

I have an identical twin that still struggles with all of these things and continues to eat grains and processed foods. Grr.

This morning I just wanted to feel sane and in control again. I resorted to an offbeat of my dandelion greens salad. 

For Uplifting Mind Tingles
For Uplifting Mind Tingles

For the Salad:

Dandelion Greens

Lemon

Cucumber (optional)

Salt

Pepper

Very Dark Chocolate

Directions:

Turn into salad. Yes eat the peel and pulp, ultimate mind tingles.

Another item that really helps prevent cheating is a liquid carrier. This bottle is my bliss.

I go on no physical ventures without this dripping beauty wetting my sprog and body. Ever since I drank from the crisp inner wells the desire has never left and never has that taste faltered no matter what goes in it.

S'Well

 I generally do water with extracts (guide to come) or tea or coffee. All without sugar.

Random Professional Human Tips:

  1. Carry around a bottle of oil (coconut, various). If coconut pour add to coffee, others add to salads or whatever your mind body desires.
  2. Bring mind food for road trips: kale, spinach, chard, green things.
  3. Drink a ton of water.
  4. Bring extracts.
  5. Bring tobacco if you like it.
  6. Learn drinks you can have at any bar. I do a gin and soda water with lime.