Category Archives: lowcarbhighfat

Kale Chip Chicken Nuggets

Zombie fingers 2

I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.

Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.

This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.

Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.

Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.

Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.

I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.

The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.

 

Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:

The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks

Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it

(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)

1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)

4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds

or

2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)

2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)

Final Chicken Nuggets

Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:

  1. Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
  2. Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
  3. Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
  4. The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).

Coated

Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:

  1. Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
  2. Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
  3. Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.

Oven Directions

  1. Set the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
  3. Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
  4. Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
  5. Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.

Baked vs. Fried

(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)

Fried vs Baked

For Avocado Mayo:

Ingredients

1 Avocado

1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oi

1/2 Teaspoon of Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice

Sriracha (optional)

Directions:

  1. Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
  2. Drizzle in sriracha.

CHickeN nUggEtS

Macros:

Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.

cootie-free-chicken-nuggets 2

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Lemon Pepper Spaghetti Squash Insides

Raw and Exposed

There’s something about this raw lady being inside you that causes mind shudders of pleasure.

One day/night (oh memory) I was hungry and still had to wait for the spaghetti squash to reach spaghettihood when I saw those innards stretched out across the cutting board. So exposed and wanting, nay, begging to be inside me.

I rubbed them in oil and built up their tension while searching for the perfect spices. The wait was too much and I went classic.  They had waited long enough and were immediately drenched in lemon juices and brought to completion with pepper and salt.

Inner Moments

Innards of a Spaghetti Squash

A teaspoon of Oil

The Juices of Half a Lemon

The Zest of Half a Lemon

Cracking Swirls of Pepper

Dashes of Salt

To Bring to Completion

Wet the Insides with Lemon

Toss in Spices and Zest

Drizzle in Oil

Put Everything Inside You

Final Spaghetti Squash Innards

Low Carb and Paleo Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs

Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs

The perfect substitute for spaghetti and meatballs has been approved by mu mouth.

This spaghetti squash and meatballs bowl is so easy and so delicious. It even takes just as much work as pasta if not less.

Just pop your squash into a slow cooker, or the oven, and cook up your marinara when it’s near ready, and combine. I even use the spaghetti squash as a bowl and just pull the noodles out with my fork as I eat.

Many people just toss in a jar of marinara or spaghetti sauce, but I highly request you try making it fresh. You’ll get to choose your own flavors, the fresh taste bursts through, and it is so much fun to cook.

You even get to use a wok, but a high sided pan works just as well if you don’t have one.

The tomatoes and spices here really reach some earthy and satisfying notes with that Italian brightness we’ve come to love so much.

Ingredients:

1 Recipe of Spaghetti Squash

1/2 of Heirloom Marinara Recipe per Whole Spaghetti Squas

1 T Grassfed Butter or Avocado Oil/Coconut Oil/EVOO

1/2 Pound Grassfed Meat (I used a  primal blend of organ meats for full satisfaction)

Meatball Spice:

Can vary into any spices you want. (Here’s a great list for keto and here’s a great list for paleo meatballs)

I used a combination of salt, pepper, Worcestershire, and coriande

You want to salt the meatballs after they’re in balls to keep the moisture in.

Directions

  1. Let your meat rest for thirty minutes for even temperature heating and because Alton Brown says to.
  2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare your spaghetti squash (cut in half, scoop out seeds and add oil). You can also poke 10 holes in your squash, pop the whole squash into the slow cooker and cook on low for 4 to 6 hours.
  3. Heat up your oil in a wok or high sided pan. Once heated sear meatballs on all sides.
  4. Remove the meatballs from your wok/pan and set aside.
  5. Put the spaghetti squash into the oven and set a timer for 30 minutes.
  6. Create the marinara sauce and when you get to ‘simmer for twenty minutes’ add the meatballs and stir the sauce over them.
  7. Remove the squash after 30 minutes and let cool for about five minutes minimum (this is as long as I ever wait).
  8. Fork about half of the squash into strings and add in your sauce and meatballs.

Macros:

For Marinara:

Total Fat: 7g, Potassium: 17.1mg, Total Carbs: 3.5g, Net Carbs: .9, Protein: 1.9g

For Half a Spaghetti Squash:

Total Fat: 0g, Total Carb: 5g, Net Carbs: 4g, Sugars: 1g

To Reheat

Reheat

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. Combine your squash, marinara and meatballs.
  3. Put onto a baking pan or any pan and reheat for about 18-23 minutes. Add more oil if you want it to be more saucy.

Maybe

Low Carb and Paleo Heirloom Marinara Sauce

 

This sauce is incredibly adaptive and could even evolve into a new veggie of mouthgasms. Watermelon marinara anyone? I kid, too much sugar. I’ve made it without the onion, with cardamon seeds, with and without fresh herbs and every time it is deep earth inside your mouth. To my mouth at least. Admittedly mine is different from yours, but I do have a twin so the likelihood of my mouth being exactly like another human’s is pretty high.

 

She still eats packaged things and even had fast food yesterday though. 

Her mouth may have evolved past mine, but I can taste the sweetness lurking in little Brussels’s leaves so mwahaha.

It isn’t killing me inside….except for all of the little Bing Bongs I didn’t notice. (Inside Out reference).

Hmm

The heirloom tomatoes are not necessary for this recipe, but they do add a complexity and variance to the recipe that I fully enjoy. You could use a can of tomatoes or other tomatoes, but you want the amount of fresh tomatoes to equal about a can of tomatoes. This recipe is easily halved as I’ve confirmed many times now. Half takes a whole spaghetti squash and 3/4 of the recipe can coat a pizza. 

Ingredients You Need:

2 Cloves of Minced Garlic

1 Small Yellow Onion or Half of a Large One (red or green also works, yellow and green have the lowest carbs, chart here)

1.5 T Olive Oil or Avocado Oil

5-7 Heirloom Tomatoes Chopped or in 8ths

Bay Leaf

1 T Whole Coriander Seeds (optional, adds earthy notes)

Dash of sal

Fresh Herbs (thyme, basil, rosemary, etc.) Optional

Fresh Made Spaghetti Squash to Serve Over (recipe here)

Wok or High Sided Sauce Pan (Wok gives out ninja feels)

To Create:

  1. Warm the olive oil over medium high heat and add the onions. Let the onions turn translucent (about five minutes) and stir or press in the garlic. Wait for the smell to seep into your nose (about 30 seconds).
  2. Add the tomatoes into the pan. You’ll want to squish them into the pan with your hands, but don’t worry if not all of the juice releases, sometimes they need to be warmed before full squishing can happen.
  3. Add your bay leaf, salt, cardamon and fresh herbs into the tomatoes. Basil comes very quickly so wait until the end to add it, if using.
  4. Resquish the tomatoes with a fork or the back of a spatula now that they have warmed. If they’re still unsquishable you can wait until the last ten minutes, but you want the juices to simmer out into the sauce (in order to become sauce).
  5. Let simmer for 20 minutes after bringing to a tiny boil/rapid simmering.
  6. Make the spaghetti squash to pour the sauce over.
  7. Halfway scrape spaghetti strings of spaghetti squash then pour the marinara into it. If you’re eating for one only use 1/4 of the marinara in half of the spaghetti squash and save the rest.
  8. Use the squash as a bowl and continue making spaghetti out of it. Do not eat the bowl

 

 

Visual Tutorial

  • Warm the olive oil

Drizzle in the Wetness

  • Add the onions. Let the onions turn translucent (about five minutes)

Simply Onions

  • Stir or press in the garlic. Wait for the smell to seep into your nose (about 30 seconds). Garlic Me
  • Add the Tomatoes with a Squish

Squish Me

  • Add your bay leaf, salt, cardamon and fresh herbs into the tomatoes.

Herbed and Spiced

  • Resquish the tomatoes with a fork or the back of a spatula now that they have warmed.
  • Let simmer for 20 minutes after bringing to a tiny boil/rapid simmering.

To be Finalized

 

Macros Per 1/4 of Recipe :

 

Total Fat: 7g, Potassium: 17.1mg, Total Carbs: 3.5g, Net Carbs: .9, Protein: 1.9g

Rich in Vitamin A (30%), Vitamin C (60.5%)

Low Carb and Paleo Hangover Smoothie

Humans keep having this assumption that I eat like a butterfly.

That’s very cute, but what I lose in bread and rice I make up for in butters and fats. I’m an odd little high fat person as I mostly use coconut oil/butter instead of dairy products. Although I consume 30 or less carbs a day I get 90% of my energy from fats. I used to drink heavy cream straight, such as in the heavy cream treat. Lately I’ve gone dairy free though since it feels uncomfortable to my insides every time I put cheese or cream in there. So I’ve just switched to coconut and food tastes even better.

I also eat tons of bacon. And then cast iron vegetables up with the grease.

There are days I’ll eat no meat or just some organ meat, but even on those days I get fats otherwise. Why the high carb low fat diet does not work is people wind up feeling starved. People wind up cheating and feeling terrible, as though they did something wrong. The body needs fat, and it tells us that.

So my weekend had kiwi chia jelly shots and melting coffee cocktails.

On this morning I want bliss soaked fats covered in bacon, with some electrolytes from salt. Most hangovers are dehydration so drinking water and boosting up those excreted electrolytes will help you feel mindloose and headache free.

Hangover Smoothie

Hangover Cocktail Ingredients

2 Slices of Bacon

1/2 Cup Almond or Coconut Milk (or Cashew). Increase for thinner smoothie.

1/4 Cup Frozen Raspberries (or blueberries, snozberries, or blackberries)

1/2 Cup Full Fat Greek Yogurt. (Leave out to decrease fat if needed, or add more coconut cream if dairy free).

1/2 an Avocado

1/2 a Teaspoon of Cinnamon

1/2 a Teaspoon of Salt

3 Coffee Cubes (freeze your leftover coffee into cubes)

Sweetener if you need it (I’m a bitter loving beastwoman and take it straight)

For Whipped Coconut Cream

1 Can Coconut Milk

(Great coconut whipped cream recipe, and what brand to buy here)

or

Heavy Cream turned into Whipped Cream

To Create:

  1. Cook bacon and put aside
  2. Blend cocktail Ingredients (except for bacon) in a high speed blender until smooth

To Make Coconut Whipped Cream

  1.  Leave can of coconut milk in fridge overnight
  2. Scoop off the cream layer into a stand mixer or hand mixer bowl
  3. Beat into stiff peaks
  4. This will leave you with extra cream. If you do not desire extra whipped coconut cream use less of the milk and store or put into smoothie

Combine:

  1. Pour smoothie ingredients into stein
  2. Top with whipped coconut cream
  3. Add raspberries and bacon
  4. Eat bacon first

Final Hangover Smoothie

Roasted Macadamia Nut Butter

Just like the Brazilian the macadamia nut just loves to be buttered. There’s something glorious about the way it pulverizes into a smooth bliss cream that makes you want to have it again and again and again until it soaks everything you own and gets trapped under mouthgasming sheets.

Food is just sexy.

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Macadamia nuts are soaked in nutrients that other nuts just don’t have.

Most nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts, and cashews) are higher in Omega-6 fats that cause inflammation. Inflammation is linked, by some scientific humans, to anxiety and depression. They are definitely not the most mind lingering loves and should be consumed in minimal doses. Outside of studies I’m sure you know how gross it feels to be bloated and that beer guts are naturally unattractive. Hello inflammation.

Macadamia is boosted with healthy fats and only has .36 grams of Omega-6 fats per handful (about 1/4 cup). This is compared to the almond at 3.4g. Macadamias are high in monounsaturated fat. This is the fat you find in avocados and olive oil, which by now I hope all humans consider healthy. For more information on macadamia nuts click or touch this word.

Now this butter. It uses preroasted macadamia nuts that I purchased from Sincerely Nuts. I plan to make a raw batch soon as I much prefer the flavor. This flavor is almost savory and has a sweet depth to it your mouth just gets soaked in. I might try and use for a nutmeg or garam marsala fudge. Maybe even as a nut sauce in some Asian dishes. Such noms to come.

The Taste

Savory sweet and my top mouth favorite when it comes to nut butters. Definitely the smoothest butter and tasty enough you’ll just have to try it. If you regret it just send the butter my way and I’ll send some dollars.

Ingredients:

   3 Cups of Macadamia Nuts

1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla (optional) or Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla

1/2 to 1 Teaspoon of Ceylon Cinnamon (Optional)

To Create:

   1.   Put all of the Ingredients into a food processor.

 2.   Pulse for three minutes, or even less depending on the consistency you want.

Final Timed Macadamia

Creamy Coconut Cauliflower Mash

Psssst. I have a tiny confession. Please whisper it in your head.

I no longer feel a bodily love for cheese.

Phew. I felt a releasing sense of ease just from typing that.

We grew up together you see. My body and cheese have frolicked in delicious fields of love and whimsical times. It let me have threesomes in forms of burgers and up to twentysomes in casseroles. Oh such a timeless love cheese and I fell into.

Then I met coconut and fell madly into true love.

I would not have known that cheese and I aren’t actually meant to be until I went off it for a few weeks. I went on  a mindcation and bodycation without even realizing it. Coconut butter, coconut milk, coconut pulp crackers and coconut oil were everywhere. Coconut was inside me every day.

During this week I felt clean and lively with no body air escaping my top or bottom holes.

I kept getting full on coconut creamed spinach, bison beer braised meatballs, spinach salads dosed in sunflower oils and chia seed granola bars to the point I was not hungry and did not even think of cheese.

Everyday was mental and mouthbliss.

You don’t even think of the past when captured by coconuts.

Cheese is now an ex and it might just stay that way. I know what feels and tastes better now. The moment I went back to cheese I had inflammation. I switched back to coconut and felt incredible again. Everything even tasted more incredible. My mouth taste buds adapted away from cheese and made room for a new love.

The taste of this cauliflower mash is little white trees springing to life and coating themselves in creamy and delicious coconut. Then they dance because they have never felt or tasted so good.

It is so creamy and it is so fresh tasting your mouth will crave this again and again. The more your mouth knows this taste the better it will be because of all those antioxidant soakings and all of the nutrients locked in those cauliflower tiny trees. It even holds anti-inflammatory benefits. Inflammation is linked to depression, anxiety and general fatness.

This mash also keeps really well for at least two days, and if you reheat it in cast iron with bacon the grease soaks right in and makes even more mouthgasm moments.

Creamy Coconut Cauliflower Mash

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Mouthgasm Moments:

1 Head of Cauliflower

2 T Coconut Cream

1 T Coconut Oil

Salt and Pepper

To Create:

   1.   Break the cauliflower into chunks. Save the leaves and bottom chunk for vegetable broth to be made later

   2.   Boil the cauliflower for 10 minutes until soft

   3.   Drain cauliflower and put all of the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth, occasionally scraping down the sides

   4.   Salt and pepper to taste

For Cauliflower Rice

If you want cauliflower rice just pulse this recipe instead of reaching the smooth consistency.

For the Microwave:

   1.   Follow direction one above

   2.   Put cauliflower in microwave safe dish with the cream and oil. Microwave for six minutes.

   3.   Stir to coat and then microwave for four to six more minutes.

   4.   Put cauliflower into blender and blend until smooth.

   5.   Salt and pepper to taste.

Coconut Mash

Nutrition Comparison: 

Potato: Fat: .2 g, Potassium: 897 mg, Carbs: 37 g, Protein: 4.3 g, Vitamin C: 70% DV, Calcium: 2% DV, Magnesium: 12% DV

Cauliflower: Fat: 1.6g, Potassium: 1,758 mg, Carbs: 29, Net Carbs: 17, Protein: 11g, Vitamin C: 472 % DV, Calcium: 12% DV, Iron: 13% DV, Magnesium: 22% DV, Vitamin B-6: 55% DV

Cauliflower also has strong detox benefits as well as antioxidants. It is a nutrient lovebliss of moments your body needs inside it.