Category Archives: sugarfree

Slow Cooker Apple Cider

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My apple cider mouth memories entail campfires and tales of old.

I vividly have a memory of a man cloaked in shadows telling us stories about olden men in spurs galloping across the planes with nothing but grits and hardened cow meat. They rode horses into battle and  streamed alpha water across the lands they conquered (think about it). He was a prop at the Christmas time of Fredericksburg, Texas, but I soaked up the memory as a happy one nonetheless. We sang carols on the bus rides to and from the little tour, and then would go to a light walk that had a little hut with elves and Santa. The first two or so years we snuggled into Santa’s lap and told him of our gift wishes. Then when we no longer wanted to sit in an old bearded man’s lap when year three came.

The best memories of these Christmas trips, and the most vivid, are of the campfire.

Cider Staring

Not because of the stories but because at the end we would get apple cider and cookies. I remember wishing he’d speed up the story just so I could cling to that warm cup of cider while my body shivered at the cold until the warmth flooded through me. The cider was sweet cinnamon with apple tastes and the cookies were also warm and served by an older grandma looking lady. I let her adopt me as a grandchild and we whisked off to cider land. I came back just to share this recipe though…kind of. Actually that wasn’t true at all. Also Santa might not be real.

Now that I’m old enough to create my own cider and bring it to upcoming Halloween and Christmas parties I want to have a cider that sticks in friend’s and families minds just the same.

The largest fulfillment a human can have from creating for people is when it also nourishes those you love. This apple cider is controlled by you and thus free of anything to be scared of. Unless of course you want a Halloween version. Then you could use some as the liquid in a Halloween cake. I’m working on a slow cooker apple cider cake soon 😉

Currently all the friend’s I’ve shared this warm liquid love with have also tried to get me to adopt them. That also isn’t true, but I’m sure it’s because I’m not old enough to look like a grandma yet. When I do though I’ll set up campfires and serve this cider with almond butter cookies.

Slow COoker Apple Cider Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Ingredients:

Slow Cooker Apple Cider Ingredients MLM

3 Cinnamon Sticks (See notes)

6-8 Apples (See recipe notes)

1 Whole Nutmeg

1/2 Teaspoon Sliced Ginger (Optional)

1 Teaspoons Cloves

1/2 Teaspoon Whole Allspice (Optional)

6-8 Cups Fresh Filtered Water (Quality Matters)

Directions:

  1. Rinse your apples clean.
  2. Chop up your apples into fourths. Since they’ll be strained out you don’t need to deseed or destem them.
  3. Put in all of your spices into a nut bag or tied up cheese cloth. You can also just toss them in and strain them out later.
  4. Cook on low for 7 hours or high for 4 hours. Go for the low if you can for maximum spice infusion.
  5. One hour before finished use a hammer or solid object to smash the apples against the side of your slow cooker.
  6. Wait for the slow cooker to cool (or use oven mitts) and strain out the spices by ladling them out through a cheesecloth or even using a colander set over a large pot. I’ve also used a tea pot by ladling it into the tea strainer and working in batches.
  7. Store in the fridge or on the counter (mine has been on the counter at least a week).

Shhhh My Cider

Fantastic Pairings:

Serve with:

A Cinnamon stick

Gin (My Favorite)

Bourbon

Whiskey

Vodka

Turn into a Cake

Notes:

Types of Apples:

You can use red apples for a mild flavor or green ones for a more tart flavor. I used a mixture but think a pure form would do really well. Will report back.

Cinnamon:

2 sticks will also work, especially if you plan to serve it with a stick of cinnamon. I just really love for the cinnamon to be brought out.

P.S. You can hide with the cider and I won’t judge you for drinking it all.

Hidden Cider 2

Visual Tutorial

Add Spices and Apples to your Slow Cooker (or put them into a nut bag)

Apples and Spices

Fill with Water (use feet to tilt the slow cooker for better lighting)

Apples and Water MLM

Slow Cook on Low for 7 Hours of High for Four Hours

An Hour Before Finished Smash Apples into the Side

Thor Apple Smash MLM

Slow COoker Apple Cider Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

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Too Easy Tuna Salad: Zero Carbs

On so many days I arrive home starving, or tipsy, and need to just consume food. In general, keto makes you feel really full as your body is so satisfied by itself, but because of this full feeling I’ll forget to eat until about four.

At this point I could go the day without food and reach epic mental clarity, but if I’m in hunger mode I’ll just nom whatever is in oral vicinity with the ravenous force of a 105 pound goddess.

So in my mind cookbook there has to be quick and easy recipes that I can make without even having eggs or mayo. I run out of both of these constantly. Because of this simple mind cookbook I’ve been saved many a fast food caving cravings, and instead pack my body full of life nutrients.

Since taste is based on nutrients (science bitches), this tastes epic and makes for such easy travel food. Grab a lemon on the road from any random grocery store and you have a delicious lunch bursting with lemon and brain nutrients. All at zero carbs and friendly for the paleo humans.

Too Easy Tuna Salad MLM

Today I’m just going zero carb in order to detox from yesterday when I decided to scoop a 1/4 cup of honey into me.

Ingredients:

Can of Tuna (Read what to get and what to avoid here)

Juice of Half a Lemon

Two Dashes of Salt

Directions:

  1. Open can and take a few bites to make room for the juice.
  2. Squeeze in juice and add salt. If you can eat the rinds of lemons go ahead and chop it into bits and add those.

Just for you: our corgi Thor. Otherwise known as Thorgi

Thorgi

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Oh my bliisgore it is October! The people are allowed to be monsters and the monsters are allowed to be people. Halloween has been a favorite holiday inside me since I stopped crying from Hocus Pocus and the Boogyman in Nightmare Before Christmas. Those genuinely feared up my dreams for years with Jaws receiving random invites. The rebounding badassery of not crying apparently led to love.

Pumpkin pie is a top mouth love and will have to be recreated in keto/paleo form soon, but for now I’ve only had two pumpkins and the puree is awaiting potential pieing in the fridge. Avoid cans for now since the fresh stuff is piling out of the ground. It is time to embrace the pumpkins, even their insides, and even if you’re not a lady.

Oh and right now is the time to get your super nutrients all over your insides with the flu rattling around. I swear it’s nature’s form of turning us into zombies. The highest antioxidants are actually found in certain spices. Just you know, clove, allspice and the other common pumpkin spice ingredients. 😉

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie Inner Ingredients:

Inner Strings of Pumpkin

1 Cup Almond or Coconut Milk

1 Avocado

1 Teaspoon Coconut Sugar or Erythitrol

1/2 Teaspoon Pumpkin Spice

2 Cold Brew Coffee Cubes

Directions:

  1.  Scrape out the pumpkin innards with your hands and set the seeds aside.
  2.   Put the innards into your blender along with the other smoothie ingredients.
  3.   Blade swirl all of the inner moments and pour them into a glass.
  4. Roast the pumpkin and seeds for the future.

Besides, you don’t want those unloved innards to come and haunt you 😉

Haunted Pumpkin

2 Ingredients Zucchini Muffins

There is too much zucchini growing in all of our gardens and minds right now (all of those food bloggers keep putting it in there).

In order to let you savor zucchini with smilegasms I have made for you a very easy noms that takes two ingredients most likely already in your fridge. Eggs and zucchinis.

Both ingredients are easily obtained from your local farmer’s market, even if you live in a desert (my life). Honestly there’s just something primal in the satisfaction of getting what you put inside you from the person that grew it.

This recipe is shockingly delicious due to its minimal nature, but both ingredients get to really come together inside your mouth. Easily cast iron heated in the mornings and you can keep them simple and change the toppings. Hot sauce, chives, paprika, tomatoes, beaver tongue. Just let your mind grow wild.

Ingredients:

6 Happy Eggs

1 Cup/Half of a Zucchini

Spiralizer or Knife

Donut Pan or Muffin Pan or Cupcake pan

  1. Preheat oven to 375 Degrees
  2. Sprilaze your zucchini or cut it up into chunks with a knife/your teeth (I do this with chocolate for my mug cakes all the time).
  3. Salt and pepper your zucchini to taste preference and toss.
  4. Circle the noodles into your donut pan or put them into a muffin/donut pan after thoroughly spraying it down with coconut oil/other oil
  5. Crack an egg into each hole and swirl it out a bit (the best tasting ones are just gently moved around instead of scrambling the egg).
  6. Put your pan into the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes.

Visual Tutorial

    1.   Spiralize the zucchini.

Spiralizing

2.   Swirl the zucchini into holes/place into muffin pan.

Spiralized Zoodles

2.   Crack an egg into each hole.

20150912_111455

3.   Bake for 20-25 minutes and then pop them out. Can be stored in the fridge for at least a week (mine were gone after that).

Zucchini Donuts

Low Carb and Paleo Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs

Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs

The perfect substitute for spaghetti and meatballs has been approved by mu mouth.

This spaghetti squash and meatballs bowl is so easy and so delicious. It even takes just as much work as pasta if not less.

Just pop your squash into a slow cooker, or the oven, and cook up your marinara when it’s near ready, and combine. I even use the spaghetti squash as a bowl and just pull the noodles out with my fork as I eat.

Many people just toss in a jar of marinara or spaghetti sauce, but I highly request you try making it fresh. You’ll get to choose your own flavors, the fresh taste bursts through, and it is so much fun to cook.

You even get to use a wok, but a high sided pan works just as well if you don’t have one.

The tomatoes and spices here really reach some earthy and satisfying notes with that Italian brightness we’ve come to love so much.

Ingredients:

1 Recipe of Spaghetti Squash

1/2 of Heirloom Marinara Recipe per Whole Spaghetti Squas

1 T Grassfed Butter or Avocado Oil/Coconut Oil/EVOO

1/2 Pound Grassfed Meat (I used a  primal blend of organ meats for full satisfaction)

Meatball Spice:

Can vary into any spices you want. (Here’s a great list for keto and here’s a great list for paleo meatballs)

I used a combination of salt, pepper, Worcestershire, and coriande

You want to salt the meatballs after they’re in balls to keep the moisture in.

Directions

  1. Let your meat rest for thirty minutes for even temperature heating and because Alton Brown says to.
  2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare your spaghetti squash (cut in half, scoop out seeds and add oil). You can also poke 10 holes in your squash, pop the whole squash into the slow cooker and cook on low for 4 to 6 hours.
  3. Heat up your oil in a wok or high sided pan. Once heated sear meatballs on all sides.
  4. Remove the meatballs from your wok/pan and set aside.
  5. Put the spaghetti squash into the oven and set a timer for 30 minutes.
  6. Create the marinara sauce and when you get to ‘simmer for twenty minutes’ add the meatballs and stir the sauce over them.
  7. Remove the squash after 30 minutes and let cool for about five minutes minimum (this is as long as I ever wait).
  8. Fork about half of the squash into strings and add in your sauce and meatballs.

Macros:

For Marinara:

Total Fat: 7g, Potassium: 17.1mg, Total Carbs: 3.5g, Net Carbs: .9, Protein: 1.9g

For Half a Spaghetti Squash:

Total Fat: 0g, Total Carb: 5g, Net Carbs: 4g, Sugars: 1g

To Reheat

Reheat

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. Combine your squash, marinara and meatballs.
  3. Put onto a baking pan or any pan and reheat for about 18-23 minutes. Add more oil if you want it to be more saucy.

Maybe

Low Carb and Paleo Heirloom Marinara Sauce

 

This sauce is incredibly adaptive and could even evolve into a new veggie of mouthgasms. Watermelon marinara anyone? I kid, too much sugar. I’ve made it without the onion, with cardamon seeds, with and without fresh herbs and every time it is deep earth inside your mouth. To my mouth at least. Admittedly mine is different from yours, but I do have a twin so the likelihood of my mouth being exactly like another human’s is pretty high.

 

She still eats packaged things and even had fast food yesterday though. 

Her mouth may have evolved past mine, but I can taste the sweetness lurking in little Brussels’s leaves so mwahaha.

It isn’t killing me inside….except for all of the little Bing Bongs I didn’t notice. (Inside Out reference).

Hmm

The heirloom tomatoes are not necessary for this recipe, but they do add a complexity and variance to the recipe that I fully enjoy. You could use a can of tomatoes or other tomatoes, but you want the amount of fresh tomatoes to equal about a can of tomatoes. This recipe is easily halved as I’ve confirmed many times now. Half takes a whole spaghetti squash and 3/4 of the recipe can coat a pizza. 

Ingredients You Need:

2 Cloves of Minced Garlic

1 Small Yellow Onion or Half of a Large One (red or green also works, yellow and green have the lowest carbs, chart here)

1.5 T Olive Oil or Avocado Oil

5-7 Heirloom Tomatoes Chopped or in 8ths

Bay Leaf

1 T Whole Coriander Seeds (optional, adds earthy notes)

Dash of sal

Fresh Herbs (thyme, basil, rosemary, etc.) Optional

Fresh Made Spaghetti Squash to Serve Over (recipe here)

Wok or High Sided Sauce Pan (Wok gives out ninja feels)

To Create:

  1. Warm the olive oil over medium high heat and add the onions. Let the onions turn translucent (about five minutes) and stir or press in the garlic. Wait for the smell to seep into your nose (about 30 seconds).
  2. Add the tomatoes into the pan. You’ll want to squish them into the pan with your hands, but don’t worry if not all of the juice releases, sometimes they need to be warmed before full squishing can happen.
  3. Add your bay leaf, salt, cardamon and fresh herbs into the tomatoes. Basil comes very quickly so wait until the end to add it, if using.
  4. Resquish the tomatoes with a fork or the back of a spatula now that they have warmed. If they’re still unsquishable you can wait until the last ten minutes, but you want the juices to simmer out into the sauce (in order to become sauce).
  5. Let simmer for 20 minutes after bringing to a tiny boil/rapid simmering.
  6. Make the spaghetti squash to pour the sauce over.
  7. Halfway scrape spaghetti strings of spaghetti squash then pour the marinara into it. If you’re eating for one only use 1/4 of the marinara in half of the spaghetti squash and save the rest.
  8. Use the squash as a bowl and continue making spaghetti out of it. Do not eat the bowl

 

 

Visual Tutorial

  • Warm the olive oil

Drizzle in the Wetness

  • Add the onions. Let the onions turn translucent (about five minutes)

Simply Onions

  • Stir or press in the garlic. Wait for the smell to seep into your nose (about 30 seconds). Garlic Me
  • Add the Tomatoes with a Squish

Squish Me

  • Add your bay leaf, salt, cardamon and fresh herbs into the tomatoes.

Herbed and Spiced

  • Resquish the tomatoes with a fork or the back of a spatula now that they have warmed.
  • Let simmer for 20 minutes after bringing to a tiny boil/rapid simmering.

To be Finalized

 

Macros Per 1/4 of Recipe :

 

Total Fat: 7g, Potassium: 17.1mg, Total Carbs: 3.5g, Net Carbs: .9, Protein: 1.9g

Rich in Vitamin A (30%), Vitamin C (60.5%)

How to: Make Spaghetti Squash

30 Minutes Spagetti Squash

I have some memories of pasta on cold nights of childhood.

Meatballs and sauce soaking long noodles that I struggled to look proper with. My pinkie did not stay up (did you know that originated as a level of drunkenness test?). I remember loving the meatballs the most and being sure to beg father for extras. Otherwise, in pasta food memories, I would order at an Italian restaurant, and that meant pasta. I bet they’d have a pasta dessert if they could.

Angel hair baked in lemon surrounding a toffee chocolate ball anyone?

 Chicken Alfredo was my favored pasta dish. Once I left the nest I only feasted on 30 second macaroni bowls, the Kraft ones. I loved those more than the grass water I used to boil. Yeah…I’m that much of a fairy and loved grass. One day I went outside and picked some, boiled it, and drank. I remember that so vividly. It was so liquidgasming.

Fresh, and like drinking the smell of mowed grass.

I found pasta annoying otherwise, except for Ramen. The weight and mental issues I gained in college make so much sense when I see them typed out on this screen. The Ramen was totally made healthier with chunks of celery and carrots though 😉 .  Ever since going low carb high fat pasta and rice have been mouth banned, and never really missed. They’re just fillers and bacon and butter fill you more. Then one night, at some point in the past, I tried Spaghetti Squash. It was odd but I became ravenous for it and started eating it all the time. This was mostly because I was the only one eating keto and my lover didn’t want it so it entered me often. A full squash makes about four meals. I stored half in the fridge and it lasted for a week. The taste was changed everyday. One day it would have marinara on it one day, lemon pepper the next day, cheddar cheese with Italian spices, and finally a chocolate cinnamon with berries. That one is magical.

All vegetables are basically incredibly nutritious for us, especially those found above the ground. Embrace the caveside.

(The brologic being since our ancestors had access to it then it is most likely what we are meant to eat)

Foods naturally accessible to us just work because no matter how much we try to disconnect from this earth we still need it to survive. Just one night try spaghetti squash over your pasta and see if you can feel and taste the way your body takes it in. Feel the difference.

Away from bro logic it is way easier and more delicious to reheat than noodles. I’ve used both cast iron and flames as well as microwave and both reheat it to the same texture.

 Spaghetti Parts

Buy or Grow a Spaghetti Squash (local farmer’s markets have these right now too, go interact with your food maker)

Locate 2 T of Oil (Look for dark bottled EVOO that has been cold pressed)

Large Glass Baking Dish

Oven

To Create Spaghetti

  1. Preheat the oven to 375 Degrees.
  2. Cut the Spaghetti Squash in Half (Spaghetti squash are very hard and need extra muscle power. Activate beast mode for this part). I leave the stem on to use as a  grip.
  3. StabScoop out the innards with your hands and put them aside. Take a low quality picture and turn the picture into a painting and hope no one notices. You can roast the seeds or just eat them raw. You can also eat the innards
  4. Remove the InnardsDrizzle the squash in oil and then rub that wet goodness all over its insides.
  5. Dripping OilPut the squash face side down in a baking dish (or on top of a baking pan) and put the whole thing in the oven.
  6. Glass TimeLet it spaghetti up for 30-35 minutes. (If you forget about it, like me, put it in the fridge for about an hour otherwise it is too soft to perform).
  7. Fork it/scrape prongs across the insides until they turn to spaghetti.
  8. ForkingLeave the spaghetti in and use the shell as a bowl or store for up to a week in the fridge.

Spaghetti Squash Tutorial

Nutritional Breakdown: Pasta vs Spaghetti Squash

Serving Size: 140g:

Whole Wheat Pasta:

Total Fat: 1g, Total Carb: 37g, Sugars: 1g Iron 8%DV

Servings Size: 155g

Spaghetti Squash:

Total Fat: 0g, Total Carb: 10g, Net Carbs: 8g, Sugars: 4g, Vitamin A, Iron and Calcium: 3%, Vitamin c 9%DV