Category Archives: whole 30

Cocomilk (Coconut Milk) Recipe and Guide

Cocomilk Final

If you are looking for the freshest tasting coconut milk bliss then you have come to the right words. I’ve scoured the Internet cookbook, (basically food blogs) and realized there is a need for another coconut milk tutorial. When making a blog post I try to keep with ideas that are new and contribute to the world of food, rather than retell food stories that are already on the Internet or in books, and honestly there are a lot of coconut milk tutorials already all over the Internet’s pages.

 There are many cocomilk tutorials that get the basics down, but I have a few personal tips and tricks that will be valuable to your coconut milk making experience.

1.   Coconut Flake Size Matters

2.   Use Just Beneath Scalding Water (110 degrees is optimal)

3.   If You Use This Milk In Recipes Be Sure to Use the Cream

4. Vanilla Changes Everything

5.   Drink or Bake with Within Three to Four Days

6.  Use the Coconut Pulp

7.  Use a Wide Mouth Container for Storage

Raw Cocomilk

1.   The first tip is that the size of the coconut flakes matters. Obviously tiny shredded coconuts will be packed into a cup and have more coconut volume than large flakes, but I didn’t realize this until making coconut milk with the same ratio of large coconut flakes to small flakes. The result was a pretty watery milk that didn’t compare to the full on mouth bliss I’d come to know. My mouth already knew what full tasting coconut milk was, and thus could not be deceived by this coconut watery perpetrator of mouth lies.

Measuring the coconut out into grams would be an excellent way to get the right ratio for this milk, but I do not have a scale and I’m sure a lot of others don’t either. So cups it is (to be updated in the future with grams once I get a scale).

2.   You definitely want to use warm water when you make the milk because room temperature water causes the cream to stick to the edges of your blender. If you do use room temp water by accident then just use a plastic thingy to scrape out the coconut cream and add it to your cream or just eat it as is.

3.  When using this milk you really want the fullness of the flavor to come through.  The delicious fat of the milk solidifies to the top of your milk when it gets cold and forms a layer on the top. To get to the milk I just poke a hole through the cream, pour out the milk, and then add some of the cream.

4.   You can easily add other extracts, but vanilla harmonizes with coconut like a melody of a goddess.

5.   You will easily be able to smell when this milk goes sour, and it happens really quickly. This also means the flavor is incredibly fresh tasting if you consume it in time, and it will be hard not to anyways 😉

6.  I let my bag hang outside overnight and turn it into cocopulp crackers, or just use it for texture in fat bombs. There are tons of other uses for it though, such as the ones found in this word.

7.  I save up old containers and use them to store my coconut milk, apple cider or kombucha. The old Trader Joe’s jar is actually perfect for this. Use glass containers for warm liquids, but plastic is fine once they are room temperature or cold.

 

 

Ingredients:

Ingredients

1.5 – 2 Cups Shredded Unsweetened Coconut

or

3-3.5  Cups Large Flaked Unsweetened Coconut

4 Cups Barely Scalding Water/ 110 Degrees F (If boiling it could explode out of the blender)

Cheesecloth or Nut Milk Bag (I use this hemp one)

Raw Cocomilk 2

Directions:

  1. Combine your coconut and water in a high speed blender.
  2. Blend on high for a few minutes.
  3. Strain the milk through a nut milk bag (found here), or cheesecloth.
  4. If making more milk put the pulp back in your blender, add more coconut and repeat.
  5. Dry out your cocopulp by hanging the bag outside and either make coconut flour or use the pulp for texture.
  6. Drink within 3-4 days.

 

Expanded 7.

Use Me Bottles

In the fridge your coconut milk will separate and make a cream. You can whip this up for coconut whipped cream, or just add the cream into your morning warm cocomilk. (I do this a lot and just add a dash of vanilla for flavor).

Large Jar

If you use an old bottle with a short mouth the cocomilk winds up hardening and you have to either stab into the bottle with a long knife or heat up the bottle in water on the stove. I do this if I’ve run out of jars. 

Small Bottle

 

Happy cocomilking.

When finished put on fuzzy socks and go take pictures of your epicness outside.

Fuzzy

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2 Ingredients Zucchini Muffins

There is too much zucchini growing in all of our gardens and minds right now (all of those food bloggers keep putting it in there).

In order to let you savor zucchini with smilegasms I have made for you a very easy noms that takes two ingredients most likely already in your fridge. Eggs and zucchinis.

Both ingredients are easily obtained from your local farmer’s market, even if you live in a desert (my life). Honestly there’s just something primal in the satisfaction of getting what you put inside you from the person that grew it.

This recipe is shockingly delicious due to its minimal nature, but both ingredients get to really come together inside your mouth. Easily cast iron heated in the mornings and you can keep them simple and change the toppings. Hot sauce, chives, paprika, tomatoes, beaver tongue. Just let your mind grow wild.

Ingredients:

6 Happy Eggs

1 Cup/Half of a Zucchini

Spiralizer or Knife

Donut Pan or Muffin Pan or Cupcake pan

  1. Preheat oven to 375 Degrees
  2. Sprilaze your zucchini or cut it up into chunks with a knife/your teeth (I do this with chocolate for my mug cakes all the time).
  3. Salt and pepper your zucchini to taste preference and toss.
  4. Circle the noodles into your donut pan or put them into a muffin/donut pan after thoroughly spraying it down with coconut oil/other oil
  5. Crack an egg into each hole and swirl it out a bit (the best tasting ones are just gently moved around instead of scrambling the egg).
  6. Put your pan into the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes.

Visual Tutorial

    1.   Spiralize the zucchini.

Spiralizing

2.   Swirl the zucchini into holes/place into muffin pan.

Spiralized Zoodles

2.   Crack an egg into each hole.

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3.   Bake for 20-25 minutes and then pop them out. Can be stored in the fridge for at least a week (mine were gone after that).

Zucchini Donuts

How to: Make Spaghetti Squash

30 Minutes Spagetti Squash

I have some memories of pasta on cold nights of childhood.

Meatballs and sauce soaking long noodles that I struggled to look proper with. My pinkie did not stay up (did you know that originated as a level of drunkenness test?). I remember loving the meatballs the most and being sure to beg father for extras. Otherwise, in pasta food memories, I would order at an Italian restaurant, and that meant pasta. I bet they’d have a pasta dessert if they could.

Angel hair baked in lemon surrounding a toffee chocolate ball anyone?

 Chicken Alfredo was my favored pasta dish. Once I left the nest I only feasted on 30 second macaroni bowls, the Kraft ones. I loved those more than the grass water I used to boil. Yeah…I’m that much of a fairy and loved grass. One day I went outside and picked some, boiled it, and drank. I remember that so vividly. It was so liquidgasming.

Fresh, and like drinking the smell of mowed grass.

I found pasta annoying otherwise, except for Ramen. The weight and mental issues I gained in college make so much sense when I see them typed out on this screen. The Ramen was totally made healthier with chunks of celery and carrots though 😉 .  Ever since going low carb high fat pasta and rice have been mouth banned, and never really missed. They’re just fillers and bacon and butter fill you more. Then one night, at some point in the past, I tried Spaghetti Squash. It was odd but I became ravenous for it and started eating it all the time. This was mostly because I was the only one eating keto and my lover didn’t want it so it entered me often. A full squash makes about four meals. I stored half in the fridge and it lasted for a week. The taste was changed everyday. One day it would have marinara on it one day, lemon pepper the next day, cheddar cheese with Italian spices, and finally a chocolate cinnamon with berries. That one is magical.

All vegetables are basically incredibly nutritious for us, especially those found above the ground. Embrace the caveside.

(The brologic being since our ancestors had access to it then it is most likely what we are meant to eat)

Foods naturally accessible to us just work because no matter how much we try to disconnect from this earth we still need it to survive. Just one night try spaghetti squash over your pasta and see if you can feel and taste the way your body takes it in. Feel the difference.

Away from bro logic it is way easier and more delicious to reheat than noodles. I’ve used both cast iron and flames as well as microwave and both reheat it to the same texture.

 Spaghetti Parts

Buy or Grow a Spaghetti Squash (local farmer’s markets have these right now too, go interact with your food maker)

Locate 2 T of Oil (Look for dark bottled EVOO that has been cold pressed)

Large Glass Baking Dish

Oven

To Create Spaghetti

  1. Preheat the oven to 375 Degrees.
  2. Cut the Spaghetti Squash in Half (Spaghetti squash are very hard and need extra muscle power. Activate beast mode for this part). I leave the stem on to use as a  grip.
  3. StabScoop out the innards with your hands and put them aside. Take a low quality picture and turn the picture into a painting and hope no one notices. You can roast the seeds or just eat them raw. You can also eat the innards
  4. Remove the InnardsDrizzle the squash in oil and then rub that wet goodness all over its insides.
  5. Dripping OilPut the squash face side down in a baking dish (or on top of a baking pan) and put the whole thing in the oven.
  6. Glass TimeLet it spaghetti up for 30-35 minutes. (If you forget about it, like me, put it in the fridge for about an hour otherwise it is too soft to perform).
  7. Fork it/scrape prongs across the insides until they turn to spaghetti.
  8. ForkingLeave the spaghetti in and use the shell as a bowl or store for up to a week in the fridge.

Spaghetti Squash Tutorial

Nutritional Breakdown: Pasta vs Spaghetti Squash

Serving Size: 140g:

Whole Wheat Pasta:

Total Fat: 1g, Total Carb: 37g, Sugars: 1g Iron 8%DV

Servings Size: 155g

Spaghetti Squash:

Total Fat: 0g, Total Carb: 10g, Net Carbs: 8g, Sugars: 4g, Vitamin A, Iron and Calcium: 3%, Vitamin c 9%DV

Melted Flowers Cocktail

Somehow in the liquids of time gin got pushed into the Godfather territory. People know it exists but not many actually try it, and there’s debate on its worth for those that do.

I am a strong lover of gin. To me it has always tasted of melted flowers dripping into my sprog. The flavor is bright yet hardened by the alcohol soothing its inner dwellings. 

Tanqueray is my go to bar gin, but the very first gin to enter me was from this couple doing a tasting at a Spec’s. I was learning how to life on my own at this point. I had quickly moved in with a lover that I was, of course, going to spend forever with and no one understood how fiercely our love conquered age. I, oddly enough, had a dream about him last night where he left his Tech job to work at a vape job. He isn’t that silly, except for in dream mode. This human was working often though and I learned how to function in solo around the Fort Worth and Dallas regions.

My main entertainment was a joybliss hole called Buon Giorno’s in Grapevine. Go here if you have the chance. It is eldern style of dark woods and a European feel where you talk to people instead of your laptop. This coffee shop held three humans I still consider life term friends despite having left that time of my life a year ago.

While at Spec’s I was browsing through alcohol and trying to find something new. I already had Kraken in my hands, but I’d had that taste many times. I asked about gin and she smirked. She said not many people liked gin but she enjoyed it. I asked about the flavor and she said it was hard to describe, but they were having a tasting of it soon. Some local vendors were coming in with the gin they made.

To someone who was currently counting dollars a tasting sounded amazing before committing. My father was the frugal type and had us wait an hour and come back before buying things at fairs or malls. I appreciate that deeply now.

I waited about twenty minutes and browsed through collections of bottles. Some had flowers nuzzled inside but they weren’t the mouthbliss flowers that were about to soak my mouth and leave their love stains.

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It was then that I met the makers of Gompers Gin. I remember it vividly despite it being an old memory. I fell hard for gin and asked how people could not love such a flavor. They said not all gin is like theirs and had laughter singing in their words. They meant it. I thought they might be a bit conceited, but bought the bottle to avoid losing such a flavor.

I actually finished the bottle to make this cocktail. They were not wrong, as I’ve learned in trying a few gins that a bite at the end. All gin is still accepted inside me, but you want to try perfection before delving to deep. Their taste is simply melting mouthbliss. Some people just don’t know gin as well as they do.

I deeply recommend getting Gompers Gin. Not just because the flavor is the first gin your mouth should know, or flavor it should learn anew with gin, but because they are small batch and the couple played Pokemon and Smash Bros.

Melted Flowers Cocktail

The simplest cocktail, a savior when needing a keto or paleo friendly bar option:

Melted Moments:

1 to 3 Shots Gompers, or inferior, gin

The rest of the glass’s fill of soda water

The juice of a lime section

Roses (optional)

To Make

Combine the above

Chocolate Lemon Whipping Cream

When first beginning my low carb journey I feared the fats.

My brain was told low fat was the healthy choice and I should eat veggies low in calories with sides of fries I would dip into loaded potatoes. Sometimes I would put those bites on crackers. Carb loaded carbs I crunched into my soul.

I never enjoyed milk.

People kept pouring milk into my body, but it was never accepted into the tasty foods category of my nutrient centers. Milk went straight down the rejection digestion hole. It tasted like flavored water with some texture swirled in. Ick. I ate cereal dry except for frosted flakes.  Those would get milk poured on their tops and then I’d eat the flakes out, pour another crunchy sweet bowl, eat the flakes again, and then drink the finally delicious flavored milk. Chocolate could also work to make it nommy. Basically, I enjoyed the flavors put into the milk and then the texture enough to enjoy milk. Chocolate raspberry milk anyone?

Don’t worry. I’ll make a healthy swirl of that mind deliciousgasm soon.

My parents tended to get the low fat foods because they were told it was the healthy way to raise wee children. All I liked was cottage cheese in the low fat regard, or some yogurts with berries mixed in. I needed flavors to get trapped within.

What the low fat tycoons do is suck out the fat from foods and add sugar.

The low fat movement would have never survived if they just sucked out the fat because it tastes horrid. They added sugar and addicted America. Woo. If you do not believe such words try going off of sugar for a week and feel the withdrawals.

Your body craves fat as a nutrient source. To get control back of your body and mind this has to be accepted.

Once your body knows fats it will mouthbliss out on them. The body knows what it needs, but if you keep putting odd things in it will adapt. The human body is incredible like that. You will crave what you’ve been putting inside yourself because that is what your body knows.

Time to retrain your mind and body into blissing food connections.

Here. I even made a song for you about it. I promise no viruses. I’m just taking you to Soundcloud.

Heavily Creamed Lemon Treat Ingredients

The Recipe of Blissgasming Cream:

I drank heavy cream straight for a while before wanting to bliss it up. The fat became incredible to my body and mind to where it soaked me in mouthgasms at the slightest creamy touch. Eventually I wanted to lace it with more drenched soaking moments. I squeezed in lemon juice and shaved some dark chocolate on top. I did this for weeks and one time I added too much lemon juice and decided to mouthbliss it into me anyways.

Oh my. It hardened into creamed fluff. I know that sounds contradicting but that is how incredible this treat is.

It is blissschaos being held.

Mouthblisses Needed:

     3/4 Cup Heavy Cream (organic or if you’re lucky grassfed. Supernatural is my favored brand for all things cow cream)

    Half the Squeezed Juices of  a Lemon. Get this thing to avoid seeds.

    90% Chocolates Bar, about a tablespoon but up to your desires.

To Create Mindbliss:

   1.  Squeeze the Lemon’s Juice into the Cream

   2.  Let sit for a Minute for the Lemon to Soak and harden the Cream

  3.  Shave or Chop Chocolate and Dress

  4.  Feel with Taste the Mouthgasms.

Heavily Creamed Lemon Treat

Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam

Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam

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I was blissing out at Trader Joe’s when I found Tiger Figs.

I figured them to be high carb fruitscraggles, but they’re surprisingly low in carbs. 5.61 net carbs per fig. I immediately popped one in my mouth hole upon returning home. Mindgasming bliss. These figs are a taste I’ve never known. My life story could have three pages written just on this flavor and mind capturement.

After eating three my compulsion to eat more was capturing and I had to think of a way to spread the tiger figs out. They also needed some preserving because a couple were already softening. Jam seemed a worthy solution.

I knew Craig had posted a low carb jam recipe before and a quick Google search pulled it up. He made a strawberry chia seed jam and said you could substitute any fruit. How blissing easy.

No lying bias, this is the best jam I’ve ever had. Make it and mindgasm then mouthgasm.

Figs are mind bursting in anti-oxidants and brain juices. These livened me within and I’m sure they’ll do the same with you. Make sure to nom one raw.

In raw form these fruits really mindburst while as a jam there are sweetly warm tones your mouth can’t go living without.

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Tiger Fig Chia Seed Jam Ingredients:

8 oz (about two cups) Tiger Figs

1/4 cup Erythitrol, powdered (or choice of sweetener)

2 T Chia Seeds

1/4 Cup Water

To Create:

   1. Chop the tiger figs into small shapes. The larger the shapes the more chunky the jam will be. If you fear the chunks make smaller or maybe blend. Add these to a saucepan.

Tiger Figs

   2. Grind your sugar in a spice grinder until fluffy then coat the figs.

Powdered Figs   3. Mix the powdered sugar and figs together and turn the heat to medium. Let sit for about three minutes for figs to release their juices.

Heat the Figs   4. Mash the figs with a fork and let the mixture come to a boil.

5. Let boil for about five minutes with occasional stirs. The mixture will thicken.

Jammed

6. Add chia seeds and water to jam then stir for 1-2 minutes.

7. Remove from heat and let cool 15 minutes. The jam is then ready to serve or store.

Tig Fig Chia Jam

Nutrition: Wields 2 Cups of Jam. Serving Size: 1 Tbsp

Total Carb: 3.25 Net Carbs: 2.625 Total Fat: 0 Protein: 2g

Nutrients: High in Iron, Magnesium, Copper, Vitamin B6 and Calcium

How to Roast Garlic

Garlic Ready to be Roasted
Garlic Ready to be Roasted

There is immense need for your mouth to have this taste and texture inside it.

I feared it for about a year, thinking it too complicated, and now realize I was a bit mad. Fine full fledged mad because this is as easy as using protection, heating it through and just letting the pleasure come from within.

How Roast Garlic

Ingredients:

Olive Oil (go for quality oil, EVOO does not necessarily mean it is healthy)

Head of Garilic (or more)

Foil

Oven

Directions:

1) Remove outer skin shells

2) Cut tiny layer off the top of the garlic head, just enough to expose its luscious wonders

3) Drizzle a bit of oil over head and rub in

4) Wrap head in foil

5) Bake in oven at 400 for 30-35 minutes or until it has gone soft

6) Let cool then try a piece all on its own

Enter into salads, mayonnaise, your mouth by itself, or even make some low carb paleo friendly garlic bread 😉