Tag Archives: anorexia

Low Carb Slow Cooker Oxtail

Adventurous Ainsley decided to randomly buy oxtail when at the farmer’s market. At this point the Internet is able to tell us how to cook any spontaneous decisions. My grandmother passed and my mother doesn’t cook so the Internet is my food nonny/mother chef. Father cooks really well, but I’m six hours from him and his specialties involve potatoes and tortilla chips which are both off this mouth menu.

I mouth rave over the Internet’s value of having recipes for any diet.

We have cooking classes at our fingertips in both videos and extensively beautiful blog posts. So when searching for ox tail I found this amazing man’s YouTube video:

My recipe draws a lot from his. If it were a stick figure drawing he’d have drawn everything up to the circle head. The main difference is how we wind up cooking the oxtails and that mine is a single serve. If you want a full on family size go with his marinade and then come back to me for the slow cooking and broth making.

Oxtail is one of those mouth ripping flavors you will never forget and I recommend at least trying it twenty times in your life. The flavor is reminiscent of ribs but with a rougher texture. Since the meat really needs to be marinated and cooked slowly the flavor really seeps in to every delicious moment.

Oxtail is also loaded with delicious body and mind nutrients. It is rich in electrolytes like magnesium, sodium and potassium. Oxtail also reduces inflammation which is linked to depression and anxiety.

The best reason to nom this mouthful of earthenly soaked meat is because it is delicious and really fills you up. The nutrients in it are perfect for the human body and so you feel deeply satisfied in mouth, body, and mind.

Slow Cooker Ox Tail MLM

Single Serve Slow Cooker Oxtail

1 lb Oxtail (try the local butcher or farmer’s market)

1 Lemon (optional)

2 Sprigs Thyme

2 Sprigs Rosemary

1/2 Teaspoon Cloves

1/2 Teaspoon Allspice

1/2 Teaspoon Salt

1/4 Cup Avocado Oil (or safe olive oil)

1 Tbs Worcestershire Sauce or Coconut Aminos

1/4 Cup of Spring Onions, Chopped

1/2 of a Yellow Onion, Diced or Sliced

2 Garlic Cloves, Smashed

2 Sprigs of Thyme

Directions for Marinade:

  1. Place the oxtail in a large glass container or any container that can hold all of the ingredients (I’ve used a loaf pan before and covered it in foil).
  2. Squeeze lemon juice over the oxtail and discard or chop up the rind into some soda water with vodka.
  3. Add the spices to the meat and rub them in with your hands (fair warning: make sure there’s no soap left on your hands after washing or it will leave a soapy taste in your meat).
  4. Pour the oil over the oxtail and the the Worcestershire sauce or coconut aminos.
  5. Add the onions, garlic, and thyme.
  6. Let marinade in the fridge for about 24 hours or as long as you can.

Slow Cooking Ingredients

1 Tbs Oil

1/2 Cup Coffee or 1/4 cup Pure Cold Brew Coffee

(without any water added)

3/4 Cups Coconut Milk or Broth

Slow Cooking Directions

  1. Heat oil in a pan.
  2. Sear oxtail pieces on each side for two minutes.
  3. Put all of your marinade and the oxtail into a slow cooker.
  4. Pour in coffee or pure cold brew.
  5. Pour in coconut milk or broth.
  6. Cook on low for eight hours.

Slow Cooker Oxtail Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Visual Tutorial:

Marinade the Oxtail for 24 Hours:

Marinade

Place in Slow Cooker:

First Slow Cooker

Pour in Coffee and Broth or Coconut Milk

Second Slow Cooker Ox Tail

Cook on Low for Eight Hours

To Make Broth:

Once you’ve ripped all the meat from the bones go ahead and put them back in your slow cooker.

Bones Back In

Add another sprig of thyme or two and cover with water until the bones are just covered.

Slow Cooker Two

Cook on low for 12 hours and then strain out the bones and freeze or store the broth.

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Radish Chips (Low Carb and Paleo)

Raw Radish Leaves and Chips

*imagine healthy tip and witty personal story here*

If you do want epically indulgent ear stimulation though listen to this playlist. You’ll also be listening to the sounds I’m writing this to.

Health Tip: Do not resist dancing

Woot. Thought of a health tip. So now you’ll just have to imagine a personal story.

Radish and Leaves Chips Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Radish Leaves and Chips Ingredients:

Optional Drizzle: 

2 Tablespoons of Coconut Butter

1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

Gently melt on low heat together for 15 seconds and drizzle over leaves and radishes.

Radish Leaves Chips Ingredients:

Leaves of a Radish Bunch

Small Drizzle of Avocado or Human Friendly Oil (not canola or fake EVOO)

1/2 Teaspoon Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Various Spices (optional)

Herby spices work best

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.
  2. Cut the leaves away from the radishes.
  3. Thoroughly rinse out the leaves of dirt. The human body does not like the taste of dirt so be thorough
  4. Dry the leaves with either a salad spinner or by vigorous shaking over the sink. If too much water remains the leaves will not chip up with the other leaves, but can be baked longer into chips.
  5. Cut the leaves and stems multiple times.
  6. Toss the leaves and stems into a bowl.
  7. Toss the leaves in a small drizzle of oil and salt (too much oil will prevent chipping).
  8. Spread the leaves out thoroughly onto a silpat lined baking sheet or a parchment lined sheet.
  9. Bake at 200 for one hour (checking at 45 minutes and every three minutes after) or 300 for ten minutes. Turn the chips at the halfway point.
  10. Take the leaves out of the oven and set aside.

Baked Radish Chips Ingredients

Bunch of Radishes

1/2 Tablespoon Avocado or Human Friendly Oil

1/4 Tsp Salt

1/4 Tsp Various Spices

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.
  2. Peel/scrape off any strings.
  3. Cut the radishes into chips.
  4. Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:
  5. Line the chips out on a baking sheet.
  6. Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five

Visual Tutorial for Leaves:

   Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.

   Cut the leaves from the radishes:

Removing the leaves

   Rinse the leaves and toss off the water:

Shaking in my Leaves

   Cut the leaf bunch a few times:

Cut Again

   Put the cut remains into a bowl:

Into the Bowl

   Toss the leaves and stems in oil, salt, and spices:

Toss

   Lay the leaves out on the pan. Really spread them out as the bunched ones won’t crisp up:

Spread Out

   Bake at 200 for about an hour or 300 for ten minutes.

Visual Tutorial for Radish Chips

   Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.

   Shave off any hairs:

I need shaved

   Cut the radishes into chips:

Chip Me

   Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:

   Line the chips out on a baking sheet:

Lay On Pan

   Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five

Radish Leaves and Chips Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Chocolate Frog Massage Bars

Finger Licking Melting Chocolate

Apparently Daniel Radcliffe is ‘finally’ going to branch out from Harry Potter. Nevermind the fact his tree has already cracked off several branches that he speared through his skin to the skull and crafted them into Horns. Oh you don’t know of his strip from Harry down to Alan Strange in my favorite play, Equus?

This man has made himself bare for us in the sake of horses and mental disorderment.

He has caught a snitch with such erupting laughter I see the memory like a vivid happiness right now. He conquered a dragon people. With another dragon. That’s cool no matter what realm you’re in.

Then to mention the fact he is from my favorite childhood novel while his doppelganger (they switch this role), was in my twin’s favorite novel. We decided she got to love Lord of the Rings while I got to have Harry Potter. We both are enamored by each other’s mythical worlds as well, but I’ve poured into the Harry Potter Books with only a pensieve and wand to get me out. She’s read all of J.R. Tolkien and seen every extended and behind the scenes moments of the movies. She also plans to build Hobbiton, had a Lord of the Rings Wedding:

LOTR Twin Collage

Then Went to New Zealand for the Honeymoon:

New Zealand Collage

,and has a tattoo in Elvish that says ‘Not all who wonder are lost’. All I’ve done is deeply contemplated writing fan fiction. Until now. Now I have the power of food. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice will be on this page soon.

In dedication to the sheer wonders of this man I give you chocolate frog massage bars in a celebrational gesture of his merging personalities on the screen.

If you are living in the loving yourself single realm then I invite you to watch Equus clips on YouTube with one of these bars right next to you.

The chocolate bar will get you very messy so lick off immediately. I love deep messiness and deep chocolate so I’ll stick to it, but if you want a clear coat then go for the white chocolate frog. I promise though, once you go dark frog you never go back.

Now if you can handle chocolate without any sugar, like a full on human beast, then do not add sugar and have a completely warm and wet experience. The sugar adds an exfoliant depth to the bar.

Final Chocolate Massage Bars

Dark Chocolate Frog Massage Bar

1/2 Cup Cocoa Paste

1/2 Cup Coconut Oil

1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder

Dash Salt

1 Tsp Sweetener

(coconut sugar for paleo or erythitol for keto)

White Chocolate Massage Bar

1 Cup Cocoa Butter

1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil

1 Teaspoon of Sweetener

Dash of Salt

Directions forBoth Massage Bars

Totally Look Like Frogs

  1. Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer, as it will burn the chocolate).
  2. Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
  3. Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
  4. Let the paste rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
  5. Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
  6. Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a donut pan).

At this point you can store the bars in the fridge and use them in whatever shape they go cold in or take them out of the fridge once solid and let them come to room temperature. At this point you can mold them into shapes but do put them back in the fridge again as they will melt about 75 degrees.

The Beforehand (get it?????). The left side of the screen is the dark chocolate melted and the right is the white one.

Beforehand

I forgot to take an after but my hand was very clean on both sides.

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Oh my bliisgore it is October! The people are allowed to be monsters and the monsters are allowed to be people. Halloween has been a favorite holiday inside me since I stopped crying from Hocus Pocus and the Boogyman in Nightmare Before Christmas. Those genuinely feared up my dreams for years with Jaws receiving random invites. The rebounding badassery of not crying apparently led to love.

Pumpkin pie is a top mouth love and will have to be recreated in keto/paleo form soon, but for now I’ve only had two pumpkins and the puree is awaiting potential pieing in the fridge. Avoid cans for now since the fresh stuff is piling out of the ground. It is time to embrace the pumpkins, even their insides, and even if you’re not a lady.

Oh and right now is the time to get your super nutrients all over your insides with the flu rattling around. I swear it’s nature’s form of turning us into zombies. The highest antioxidants are actually found in certain spices. Just you know, clove, allspice and the other common pumpkin spice ingredients. 😉

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie

Pumpkin Innards Smoothie Inner Ingredients:

Inner Strings of Pumpkin

1 Cup Almond or Coconut Milk

1 Avocado

1 Teaspoon Coconut Sugar or Erythitrol

1/2 Teaspoon Pumpkin Spice

2 Cold Brew Coffee Cubes

Directions:

  1.  Scrape out the pumpkin innards with your hands and set the seeds aside.
  2.   Put the innards into your blender along with the other smoothie ingredients.
  3.   Blade swirl all of the inner moments and pour them into a glass.
  4. Roast the pumpkin and seeds for the future.

Besides, you don’t want those unloved innards to come and haunt you 😉

Haunted Pumpkin

Coffee Truffles

Coffee Truffles

Chocolate and coffee is one of those magical mystery rides that you want to burst out singing for, and even let the taste get stuck in your head for years.

There are 200,000,000 Googly results if you ask it about the two together. That antioxidant burst of nutrients also works for the mind and even goes into my favorite field of study (since I’m going into it 😉 ) the neurosciences. It stimulates everyone’s favorite hormone: dopamine. The pleasure hormone as it is commonly slanged. “Chocolate may be used by some as a form of self-medication for dietary deficiencies (eg, magnesium) or to balance low levels of neurotransmitters involved in the regulation of mood, food intake, and compulsive behaviors (eg, serotonin and dopamine)” (Bruinsma 1999). This study was used to determine if chocolate is just a food or if it could be a drug. I so desperately love and crave chocolate to be inside me that it’s obvious why a study would jump the idea. Lady time is associated with the craves though, and since we lose so much iron and magnesium it could explain the correlation found between the two by Bruinsma.

Since I’m all iron and magnesium deficient chocolate is daily put in my mouth.

The taste never fades in its harmony and earthy depths, but at times…all the time, I experiment with what flavors can enhance its bounty of taste. Almond butter and coffee is already among my top mouth loves, so why not add coffee to chocolate? All three hasn’t been done yet but as soon as my macadamia nuts arrive a new recipe is coming to your mouths.

Cold Brew Raw Truffles Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Ingredients:

1/4 to 1/4 Cup Ratio of Cocoa Powder to Coconut Oil

Plus

1 Teaspoon Cocoa Powder (per teaspoon of extra liquid such as cold brew)

1 Teaspoon of Cold Brew Coffe

1/2 Teaspoon Coconut Sugar/Honey (paleo) or Erythitrol (keto

1/4 Teaspoon Vanilla

1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon (optional)

Note: You could use regular coffee most likely but cold brew basically functions as coffee extract

To Make Cold Brew Coffee Latte Truffles:

Fold in a tablespoon of coconut cream or coconut milk

Directions:

  1. Combine all of the above ingredients with your hands. (If you are scared of your hands turn into a bird)
  2. Roll into truffles and coat with cocoa powder or more coconut sugar or both.
  3. Consume or store in the fridge.

P.s. You could also put these into any silicone mold and they’ll pop right out into mouth bliss as well.

Secondary p.s.: use an abrasive material to wash hands or thoroughly lick them.

Visual Tutorial

Chocolate Mold

Cold Brew Coffee Truffles

Kale Chip Chicken Nuggets

Zombie fingers 2

I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.

Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.

This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.

Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.

Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.

Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.

I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.

The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.

 

Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:

The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks

Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it

(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)

1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)

4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds

or

2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)

2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)

Final Chicken Nuggets

Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:

  1. Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
  2. Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
  3. Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
  4. The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).

Coated

Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:

  1. Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
  2. Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
  3. Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.

Oven Directions

  1. Set the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
  3. Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
  4. Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
  5. Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.

Baked vs. Fried

(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)

Fried vs Baked

For Avocado Mayo:

Ingredients

1 Avocado

1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oi

1/2 Teaspoon of Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice

Sriracha (optional)

Directions:

  1. Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
  2. Drizzle in sriracha.

CHickeN nUggEtS

Macros:

Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.

cootie-free-chicken-nuggets 2

Lemon Pepper Spaghetti Squash Insides

Raw and Exposed

There’s something about this raw lady being inside you that causes mind shudders of pleasure.

One day/night (oh memory) I was hungry and still had to wait for the spaghetti squash to reach spaghettihood when I saw those innards stretched out across the cutting board. So exposed and wanting, nay, begging to be inside me.

I rubbed them in oil and built up their tension while searching for the perfect spices. The wait was too much and I went classic.  They had waited long enough and were immediately drenched in lemon juices and brought to completion with pepper and salt.

Inner Moments

Innards of a Spaghetti Squash

A teaspoon of Oil

The Juices of Half a Lemon

The Zest of Half a Lemon

Cracking Swirls of Pepper

Dashes of Salt

To Bring to Completion

Wet the Insides with Lemon

Toss in Spices and Zest

Drizzle in Oil

Put Everything Inside You

Final Spaghetti Squash Innards