Tag Archives: autsimdiet

Too Easy Tuna Salad: Zero Carbs

On so many days I arrive home starving, or tipsy, and need to just consume food. In general, keto makes you feel really full as your body is so satisfied by itself, but because of this full feeling I’ll forget to eat until about four.

At this point I could go the day without food and reach epic mental clarity, but if I’m in hunger mode I’ll just nom whatever is in oral vicinity with the ravenous force of a 105 pound goddess.

So in my mind cookbook there has to be quick and easy recipes that I can make without even having eggs or mayo. I run out of both of these constantly. Because of this simple mind cookbook I’ve been saved many a fast food caving cravings, and instead pack my body full of life nutrients.

Since taste is based on nutrients (science bitches), this tastes epic and makes for such easy travel food. Grab a lemon on the road from any random grocery store and you have a delicious lunch bursting with lemon and brain nutrients. All at zero carbs and friendly for the paleo humans.

Too Easy Tuna Salad MLM

Today I’m just going zero carb in order to detox from yesterday when I decided to scoop a 1/4 cup of honey into me.

Ingredients:

Can of Tuna (Read what to get and what to avoid here)

Juice of Half a Lemon

Two Dashes of Salt

Directions:

  1. Open can and take a few bites to make room for the juice.
  2. Squeeze in juice and add salt. If you can eat the rinds of lemons go ahead and chop it into bits and add those.

Just for you: our corgi Thor. Otherwise known as Thorgi

Thorgi

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Chocolate Frog Massage Bars

Finger Licking Melting Chocolate

Apparently Daniel Radcliffe is ‘finally’ going to branch out from Harry Potter. Nevermind the fact his tree has already cracked off several branches that he speared through his skin to the skull and crafted them into Horns. Oh you don’t know of his strip from Harry down to Alan Strange in my favorite play, Equus?

This man has made himself bare for us in the sake of horses and mental disorderment.

He has caught a snitch with such erupting laughter I see the memory like a vivid happiness right now. He conquered a dragon people. With another dragon. That’s cool no matter what realm you’re in.

Then to mention the fact he is from my favorite childhood novel while his doppelganger (they switch this role), was in my twin’s favorite novel. We decided she got to love Lord of the Rings while I got to have Harry Potter. We both are enamored by each other’s mythical worlds as well, but I’ve poured into the Harry Potter Books with only a pensieve and wand to get me out. She’s read all of J.R. Tolkien and seen every extended and behind the scenes moments of the movies. She also plans to build Hobbiton, had a Lord of the Rings Wedding:

LOTR Twin Collage

Then Went to New Zealand for the Honeymoon:

New Zealand Collage

,and has a tattoo in Elvish that says ‘Not all who wonder are lost’. All I’ve done is deeply contemplated writing fan fiction. Until now. Now I have the power of food. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice will be on this page soon.

In dedication to the sheer wonders of this man I give you chocolate frog massage bars in a celebrational gesture of his merging personalities on the screen.

If you are living in the loving yourself single realm then I invite you to watch Equus clips on YouTube with one of these bars right next to you.

The chocolate bar will get you very messy so lick off immediately. I love deep messiness and deep chocolate so I’ll stick to it, but if you want a clear coat then go for the white chocolate frog. I promise though, once you go dark frog you never go back.

Now if you can handle chocolate without any sugar, like a full on human beast, then do not add sugar and have a completely warm and wet experience. The sugar adds an exfoliant depth to the bar.

Final Chocolate Massage Bars

Dark Chocolate Frog Massage Bar

1/2 Cup Cocoa Paste

1/2 Cup Coconut Oil

1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder

Dash Salt

1 Tsp Sweetener

(coconut sugar for paleo or erythitol for keto)

White Chocolate Massage Bar

1 Cup Cocoa Butter

1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil

1 Teaspoon of Sweetener

Dash of Salt

Directions forBoth Massage Bars

Totally Look Like Frogs

  1. Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer, as it will burn the chocolate).
  2. Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
  3. Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
  4. Let the paste rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
  5. Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
  6. Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a donut pan).

At this point you can store the bars in the fridge and use them in whatever shape they go cold in or take them out of the fridge once solid and let them come to room temperature. At this point you can mold them into shapes but do put them back in the fridge again as they will melt about 75 degrees.

The Beforehand (get it?????). The left side of the screen is the dark chocolate melted and the right is the white one.

Beforehand

I forgot to take an after but my hand was very clean on both sides.