Tag Archives: chips

Radish Chips (Low Carb and Paleo)

Raw Radish Leaves and Chips

*imagine healthy tip and witty personal story here*

If you do want epically indulgent ear stimulation though listen to this playlist. You’ll also be listening to the sounds I’m writing this to.

Health Tip: Do not resist dancing

Woot. Thought of a health tip. So now you’ll just have to imagine a personal story.

Radish and Leaves Chips Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Radish Leaves and Chips Ingredients:

Optional Drizzle: 

2 Tablespoons of Coconut Butter

1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

Gently melt on low heat together for 15 seconds and drizzle over leaves and radishes.

Radish Leaves Chips Ingredients:

Leaves of a Radish Bunch

Small Drizzle of Avocado or Human Friendly Oil (not canola or fake EVOO)

1/2 Teaspoon Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Various Spices (optional)

Herby spices work best

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.
  2. Cut the leaves away from the radishes.
  3. Thoroughly rinse out the leaves of dirt. The human body does not like the taste of dirt so be thorough
  4. Dry the leaves with either a salad spinner or by vigorous shaking over the sink. If too much water remains the leaves will not chip up with the other leaves, but can be baked longer into chips.
  5. Cut the leaves and stems multiple times.
  6. Toss the leaves and stems into a bowl.
  7. Toss the leaves in a small drizzle of oil and salt (too much oil will prevent chipping).
  8. Spread the leaves out thoroughly onto a silpat lined baking sheet or a parchment lined sheet.
  9. Bake at 200 for one hour (checking at 45 minutes and every three minutes after) or 300 for ten minutes. Turn the chips at the halfway point.
  10. Take the leaves out of the oven and set aside.

Baked Radish Chips Ingredients

Bunch of Radishes

1/2 Tablespoon Avocado or Human Friendly Oil

1/4 Tsp Salt

1/4 Tsp Various Spices

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.
  2. Peel/scrape off any strings.
  3. Cut the radishes into chips.
  4. Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:
  5. Line the chips out on a baking sheet.
  6. Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five

Visual Tutorial for Leaves:

   Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.

   Cut the leaves from the radishes:

Removing the leaves

   Rinse the leaves and toss off the water:

Shaking in my Leaves

   Cut the leaf bunch a few times:

Cut Again

   Put the cut remains into a bowl:

Into the Bowl

   Toss the leaves and stems in oil, salt, and spices:

Toss

   Lay the leaves out on the pan. Really spread them out as the bunched ones won’t crisp up:

Spread Out

   Bake at 200 for about an hour or 300 for ten minutes.

Visual Tutorial for Radish Chips

   Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.

   Shave off any hairs:

I need shaved

   Cut the radishes into chips:

Chip Me

   Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:

   Line the chips out on a baking sheet:

Lay On Pan

   Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five

Radish Leaves and Chips Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

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Kale Chip Chicken Nuggets

Zombie fingers 2

I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.

Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.

This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.

Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.

Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.

Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.

I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.

The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.

 

Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:

The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks

Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it

(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)

1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)

4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds

or

2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)

2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)

Final Chicken Nuggets

Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:

  1. Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
  2. Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
  3. Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
  4. The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).

Coated

Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:

  1. Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
  2. Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
  3. Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.

Oven Directions

  1. Set the oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
  3. Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
  4. Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
  5. Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.

Baked vs. Fried

(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)

Fried vs Baked

For Avocado Mayo:

Ingredients

1 Avocado

1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oi

1/2 Teaspoon of Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Pepper

1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice

Sriracha (optional)

Directions:

  1. Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
  2. Drizzle in sriracha.

CHickeN nUggEtS

Macros:

Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.

cootie-free-chicken-nuggets 2

Rutabaga Chips

That crunch. That munch. That mind shattering tingle of mouth satisfaction. 

Final Rutabaga

Chips are a serious business and to give them up just to be on a “diet” is like giving up the cross to be a Christian. It simply makes no sense.

What one must do when learning to digest keto or paleo is truly think about what a bag of chips holds. What is it that makes you desire them so badly? How could something you get mouth wet for and desire so ravenously make you so fat?

Do this with all “bad foods” that you want to cheat with. Take a moment to slow down and analyze what it is your body wants. Are you just hungry and need to eat? Do you just need a crunch? Are you craving the salt on the chips because you’re electrolyte deficient?

Your body knows what it needs, unless it’s scarred by sugar addiction that is curable but initially controls you. Your mouth will crave foods it knows. If your body only knows chips for its salt intake, or for getting full desires, it will think of the chips and put you in autodrive to get them.

Whip your mindbody into shape and redirect those cravings into whatever you/random Internet people think is good for you.

Redirect your mind into bacon, and butter, and eggs, and rutabaga chips.

Now I’m an odd little human and like variety in chips. Some I want crispy and chip like while other sliced moments need to be thicker cut and full of flavor. For this round of chip desires I cut some thin and many thick. The thick were not crunchy but they were more savorful and I enjoyed them much more. If you want that crunch though make sure to keep that knife in line.

Raw Rutabaga Slices Ready to be Chipped
Raw Rutabaga Slices Ready to be Chipped

Ingredients:

Rutabaga

1.5 Tablespoons olive oil (Go for quality, you can Google the oil to see if it is actually ‘good’ for you)

A pan

A sheet of foil, or not (I didn’t bother with it)

An oven that can reach 350 degrees

Salt

What to Do:

   1) Slice rutabaga into thin moments (and some thick if you desire variety)

   2) Eat one slice raw so your mouthbrain can learn rutabaga (come on, it’s scared)

   3) Put future chips in a bowl with oil and get the oil all over the rutabaga slices

   4) Sprinkle with salt as you would a cupcake

   5) Lay across foil in one layer

   6) Bake at 350 for 25 minutes flipping every ten minutes and going for longer if needed

If you have thicker cut ones bake them a bit longer after removing chip like ones Rutabaga Chips Whole Rutabaga: (Limit for Keto) Macros: Loaded with Vitamin C and Potassium Total Carb: 33g, Net Carb: 25g, Protein: 4.2 g, Fat: .6g