Tag Archives: keto

Grilled Lamb Kidney

Did you know that organ meat has every nutrient the human body needs? It also has the nutrients we are most deficient in. Nothing feels better than getting organs inside you and feeling your body explode in pleasure by its needs being fulfilled.

I haven’t had access to organ meat for a while due to not wanting to scare my mom, but now that they’ve left the house for the weekend I fired up the grill and brought out the kidneys I just got from the market. If you’re going organ you really do want it directly from the farmer. It’s a very sensitive part of the animal body.

The first time I tried organ meat it was because of Sonia over at the healthy foodie. She introduced me to pickled beef tongue:

Pickled-Beef-Tongue-19

See how delicious it looks? Not scary at all. After tongue I went to the market and tried other organ meats from  heart to liver. I slow cooked the heart and even made a casserole with another tongue.

Continue reading Grilled Lamb Kidney

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Savory Chocolate Brussels

I used to flip dairy fairy cartwheels out when my favorite food bloggers would go days without posting. I’d not know what to eat so I spurted milk from my body to live on. Some of it made it into a glass.

I would say you should just stop listening but this is typed so you’d just have to stop reading when I get awkward with words.

I wouldn’t understand where my food bloggers had gone. How could my food mothers and other goddesses just leave me? I’d feel completely lost and just simper over to the stove to make bacon and eggs.  Then I would feel happy because bacon and eggs is always delicious.

Without their recipes to guide me I had no idea how to cook and I was even scared to do so. There were too many spice combinations I didn’t understand. What if there were carbs hiding in the spinach? Little carbs may have jumped out of the oranges, turned micro, and restructured the leaves. I didn’t know.

That was at the point where I was counting carbs and looking at food as equations rather than simply as food.

At first the body does need to relearn its intuitive knowledge of how to take care of itself. When first starting on keto I was still a sugar ravishing human that weighted 110 pounds and thus thought I was healthy. I had to rewire my brain’s pathways to accept that sugar was a drug. It turns out that drug keeps your body from knowing when your body is full. Your body thinks of the most vivid resource when hungry and sugar is one of the most vivid of all. My mouth dripped for chocolate at every thought of it and I’d eat without a stop once it made its way in.

I’d adapted to the point I did have the full feeling, but I’d eat sugar without being able to stop. Keto cured me of that by detoxing out the sugar and returning my body to itself. In a few weeks I’d finally reached a point of true food gauging. My body spoke to me about everything it desired. There was no fear impulse to scarf down a Crunchwrap Supreme or an uncontrollable urge to drink down a tub of ice cream after I let it melt a few hours and then topped it with Butterfingers. After being off sugar for months candy actually started to look like toys that I couldn’t understand as food. Why were people eating the toys in their Happy Meals? I’d realize quick but it still felt odd to watch.

I’ve fallen in and out of keto a lot the last couple of months. I’ve been writing in Marfa and been in a film festival in Sedona, so food was given to me often and I was broke so I just let it slip. Sedona was incredible and they fed us everyday as part of the VIP experience. I was in a film that was submitted and got in. The nurturing and wisdom that came from the town even inspired me to write them a letter called To the Sedars, The Sedona Counsel of Elders. I still need to hand write it on a scroll for them.

It hasn’t been horrid. It felt like cheating but with a very sexy donut. I didn’t slip that far, but I did find the most succulent chocolate molded into soft lumps with sparkling cayenne gently fondling their flavor. Oh my god these truffles were so rich and creamy and mmm I’m lost in the memory every time I touch it.  The oddest mind moments occurred when I would have sugar and then want to eat everything in edible sight. The toys became food again. I still keep caving to chocolate, and yesterday I even went too far in chocolate and wound up eating lots of chips too. Sigh. I’d only had an avocado, cheese, bacon and cabbage up to that point and was in full control. Then one bite of chocolate and I actually watched as my eyes turned everything to food that minutes before I hadn’t craved at all.

Today I’ve only had water and I’ll kill the cravings with green tea throughout the day’s hours. I want keto back like a drug addict knowing their cure.

Beginnings.jpg

Since typing that I finally found coconut oil and cocoa. Before this moment I had been craving chocolate and thought it was just for the sugar, but then realized I haven’t had red meat in days so I could be feeling cravings for the magnesium and iron. After the pure combo of cocoa and coconut oil touched my mouth an hour ago, and I felt my mouth melt to the taste, I now that was it. That prefrontal cortex song of nutrients soared through my brain like that first bite of steak. It tasted even better than tiny chocolate bars. Ha. Puny cocoa moments. I thought of them after and my brain laughed. The cravings were gone.

Moving.jpg

While in Marfa I did create a dish I can have forever in life, regardless of any restrictions I dare place on my mouth. I got high one night and had this block of pure cocoa. I also had just taken a small scoop of coconut into my hands and rubbed it into my cast iron, fully pushing it into the iron and soaking myself in the moment of my hands and oil meeting my favored cooking tool.

I then saw the bar of pure brown and picked it up, tried to eat off a chunk and realized it was too hard. My eyes cast themselves about the room and saw my heated iron just begging to be used. I turned up the heat and pushed the cocoa bar into the oil until it met the iron. It slowly melted in. The brown seeped into the pan and coated the black with melted chocolate. I was lost in it and just let it melt as I rubbed the bar deeper and deeper in as the bar got smaller and smaller in my hands while the chocolate poured off.  I held the bar with my right hand and my left finger nuzzled itself into the pan and scooped the chocolate into my mouth. Oh my savory bliss of earthenly pleasure. My eyes would not stay open in order to fully absorb themselves into the taste with me.

 

At first my mind yelled that it would be hard to get out and said I shouldn’t use the whole thing! Thoughts melted away, unable to penetrate the flavor the oil and chocolate were making.

Butter Cocoa.jpg

Time lost itself as I let the bar melt all the way in and got a spoon. I dashed salt on top and just stood there, body leaned in with elbows on the counter as I spooned bite by bite into my mouth. I was still in full control as the pleasure melted into my senses and I got lost in pure chocolate. Then I paused and decided to get Brussels in on this. I opened the fridge and pulled out the tiny green leaves bunched into a shell, carved them open and then in fourths and placed them in the melted chocolate. I heated them over medium high and watched them turn crispy in the cocoa, pushing them about the pan as they told me what to do.

Push Me.jpg

Crispy Brussels leaves soaked in chocolate is such a delicious crunching seduction. Sprinkle salt on top and you have all your senses could want.

Oh and the cocoa comes right out. My cast iron was more clean after it than before. If any sticks just add more oil and fry things in it. I left some in the pan and fried an egg on top of it the next morning. It was so flipping eggwheels good.

Cocoa Egg

 

Cocoa Buttered Brussels

Final Chocolate Coated Brussels.jpg

Ingredients:

Brussels Sprouts

1/4 Bar of cocoa (or 2 T of cocoa powder)

About 2 Tablespoons Coconut oil (or butter)

Directions:

Melt chocolate into cast iron by either adding coconut oil to the pan and melting your cocoa paste into it, or adding butter to the pan with cocoa powder.

Chop the Brussels into quarters and fry them in the chocolate, pushing them around occasionally with hands or a spoon, for about six minutes. Try them randomly to see how cooked you like them, Brussels need to be crispy with a barely soft inside, but that’s just my preference.

Ghee Chocolate

Ghee Chocolate Final

 

Do you want life to become too easy when it comes to chocolate?

 

Mine is.

 

Let me convert you to my ways.

 

My blisffully deep, chocolate coated and soaked ways.

 

Your brain and mouth shall be ours and so much chocolate will take you into it that you’ll be licking through the cocoa’s melted bliss for hours. Then you’ll realize you never want to escape, and sink in, and be ours forever.

Chocolate drives me insane.

Okay so ghee chocolate. I was going to make a too easy coconut oil chocolate recipe. I just mix a 1:1 ratio of coconut oil and cocoa powder together and it is all my body wants for hours. I feel so synchoronized with it. My body understands it, and has even mapped it in my brain with a permanent spot. Oh yes. Your body maps the nutrients you give it like connections to life. It’s like when you search for someone in a room and find them. Your brain just has these maps of resources. Where’s Waldo but for food.

My most potent brain map connections are to meat, oils, fats and cocoa powder. To combine oil, or any fat, with cocoa, is just a mind symphony reaching through my brain. It connects. My taste explodes with the flavor it knows, and I’m in bliss.

Ghee chocolate was a spontaneous desire and it was so delicious and looked so beautiful I just had to share it with you. It has a more buttery taste than the coconut oil, but I really enjoy it. The taste is a bit more like browned crispy butter fondling chocolate. I love it. In fact, I’m about to go make some more. I might not even chill it.

Update:

I didn’t. It’s incredible both ways. Try it both soft and hard.

Ghee Chocolate

Ghee Chocolate

Ingredients:

1:1 Ratio of Ghee and Cocoa

You can even turn life to epic mode and make ghee yourself.

I use this cocoa. To make your own go to cherry forest.

This will taste bitter at first, but your mouth and taste buds will adjust through time. Have a bit of it and let it be bitter, then add in a bit of sweetener and decrease each day so you can get closer and closer to cocoa.

Cocoa Butter Me

Directions:

Mix together and refrigerate to desired consistency. I like mine about thirty minutes in between soft and hard.

You can also use this as a glaze or pour it over ice cream. I just love it straight. It’s as good as a shot of Lagavulin, and I don’t type that lightly.

Lime Zested

Optional Add Ins

Lime Juice

Lime Zest

Fleur De Sel

Sea Salt

Cinnamon

Berries

Tiny Swirl of Honey

Visual Tutorial:

Mix one part cocoa powder to one part ghee.

Cocoa Butter Me.jpg

Mixing

Consistently Drip Worthy

For a thicker consistency add more cocoa:

Add more Cocoa.jpg

For a more smooth consistency add more ghee:

Add more Ghee.jpg

Let it set in the fridge:

Intensely run yourself over me.

You can even sprinkle on salt once it’s set:

Sea Salted Chocolate Final

You can also squeeze in some lime juice:

Lime Chocolate.jpg

Low Carb Slow Cooker Spaghetti Squash with Chocolate Stout Meatballs

Chocolate Stout Meatballs with Slow Cooker Spaghetti Squash.jpg

Now there are some things that you give up when you go low carb. You say pish posh to bread and its lack of nutrients. You even scold it for taking away from the flavor in burgers. Meat is the true mouth king there.

You do cry at giving up fruit, but your taste buds bow to you within weeks. They appreciate the subtleties in berries and your body loves still being in control.

I never cared for pasta.

The thing I still love in moderation is beer, specifically Icelandic beer. I have a deep infatuation for Iceland. The music makes me dance, the water makes my soul sing and drip out magic and the images of the place get permasoaked into my mind.

This is my favorite 8 tracks playlist of Icelandic tunes.

If you are gluten free as well then they have some gluten free beer already on the market. If you aren’t low carb you could even use cider. I let in a couple of vices in order to make this diet a lifestyle. Beer and the occasional sip of root beer are these vices. Oh and Trader Joe’s green tea mochi. Oh my soft mouthgasm happiness. Mochi ice cream.

Mochi is the main reason I love Japan. A tiny life goal of mine is to make the keto version. Sadly the main flour ingredient is rice.

I still keep it under twenty carbs a day for the sake of keto, and because that’s right where my body loses control and asks for cupcakes.

I mean….we can still have cupcakes. Just keto cupcakes. There’s this stain of strawberry cupcakes in my head though. Wal-Mart ones. I super cheated the first week of keto and ate like twenty cupcakes….*cough* They were so good. Now that I no longer like the taste of sugar those get to remain a memory. When you have old favorites after curbing that sugar addiction your memories get soiled and you have to spit out the taste. Those cupcakes get to remain a delicious mind memory.

Eventually you stop even craving fluff though, your body just asks for meat and veggies and its all it wants. Takes years but it is incredible feeling.

Now on this chocolate stout slow cooker spaghetti squash and meatballs. This memory will always be delicious and it will even deeply take your mouth for years to come. The chocolate and beer both give you earthy flavors that get to soak into the spaghetti squash. I added some fresh thyme for some flavor lifting, but if you just want that chocolate and stout manly vibe then don’t even bother.

This recipe is deeply inspired by I Breathe I’m Hungry’s low carb bison balls in red onion and chocolate stout gravy.

For the Meatballs

1 Pound Ground Beef or Primal Blend

1 Happy Egg

2 Tablespoons Coconut Flour or 1/3 Cup Almond Flour

1 Tsp Worcestershire Sauce

1/2 Tsp Cocoa Powder

1/4 Tsp Cinnamon or Allspice

1 Tbs Avocado or Coconut Oil

1 Cup Chopped Broccoli (Optional)

1 Tsp Salt (Salt once in ball form to keep it on the outside)

For the Gravy:

2 Tbs Butter (Preferably Kerrygold for ultimate mouth seduction)

1/2 Cup Red Onions

1 Cup Dark Beer (Or wine, or beef broth)

2 Tbs Butter (Added at the End)

For the Spaghetti Squash

Spaghetti Squash

1.5 Cups water or

1 Tbs Avocado or Coconut Oil (if using oven)

Directions:

  1. Prick the squash with a fork 10-15 times. Pop the whole spaghetti squash into the slow cooker with 1.5 cups water and cook on low  four to six hours or high for three to four hours. Alternatively bake in the oven by cutting it in half and cooking it in a baking dish with oil for 40 minutes at 375 degrees.
  2. Thirty minutes before the squash is finished cooking start the meatballs. It will need 15-30 minutes to cool and the meatballs take about 45 minutes.
  3. Combine all the meatball ingredients, except the salt and the oil. Form them into 15 balls and then sprinkle salt on each ball.
  4. Heat your oil in a cast iron and cook the meatballs for 2-3 minutes on each side or until browned on each side. Remove the meatballs and add the butter to your pan. Toss in your onions and let them soften. Add the broccoli and let it sear a minute. Season with salt and add beer. Stir the meatballs and everything together.
  5. Cover, I used tin foil to cover it, and let it simmer. I let it simmer about ten minutes and it was already reduced perfectly, but mine seemed to go fast. Watch carefully. Remove the cover and let it simmer until reduced, stir in the butter and reduce to your texture desires. Stir in the butter.
  6. Remove the guts of the spaghetti squash and either pour the meatballs and broccoli directly in, and use the spaghetti squash as a bowl, or pull out the pasta and top with meatballs and chocolate stout beer gravy.

Visual Guide:

Enjoy 😉

Nutritional Info for 5 Servings with Guinness

Calories: 427, Fat: 29.3 g, Sodium: 210.2 g, Total Carb: 13.4, Net Carb: 10

 

 

Mayo Fondled Broccoli: Caveman Friendly

 

Make a Tree.jpg

My mouth has been captured by the earth’s intimacy.

The way two flavors get to know each other, with no third wheel to roll the flavor away, is like an earthgasm into mouth heaven.

I love how the mouth gets to fondle and understand each flavor, and know how the combinations either go together or fail together.

Your mouth feels like the knowledge savant of food. Careful though, you might start wearing a chef’s hat everywhere.

 

It turns out that cold broccoli and cold mayo combined does not give you the fullest flavor of this earthy combination.  My mouth went…almost love, almost. Cold takes earthy and tries to make it …airy? I don’t know. Something is just wrong with it.

Maybe for a summer fresh flavor, but right now the weather still fills the cold role for our bodies. As such, fire must grasp our food and bring out the deep flavor lying in the roots of our vegetables, the fats of our meats and the pulps of our fruit. For now, stifle your fresh broccoli memories.

But then, oh but then, if you let a cast iron lick its flames into that tiny green tree, you get to know the combination of egg and oil turned into a silky and fluffy mouthgasm of deep pleasure entering a deep, earthy crunch.

Make room for delicious new memories to store themselves inside you. Just a couple of paths need forged from broccoli to flame and from there to mayo. You’ll never regret this connection. If you do then my apologies, I’ll find a path for your taste buds delight soon.

Maybe.

Lately I’ve been taking grapefruit slices and rustling the flames into their pulp to add a deep and charred taste to my favorite fruit. Somehow the heat both brightens and deepens the taste, while pushing the bitter out.

Grapefruit is also lower in carbhood, so I can get in four slices without knocking my body out of ketosis, and oh how it loves being in ketosis. 

I should try cast iron lemon slices soon…maybe drizzled in vanilla coconut butter.

Do keep these fruits in their skin. It pushes all the flavor deep inside.

Now then, on this broccoli grasped in fire and loved in mayo. In summer you crave that bright and burst flavor in your food. Your mouth goes bliss for basil and you put cilantro on everything Mexican.

None of that sounds delicious in your imagination right now because fresh is not what your body wants. What you get instead is the primal caveside of your soul telling you it is time for earth’s deep flavors. Your body is telling you to put cast iron broccoli and mayo inside it.

I used payo, a paleo mayonaise that uses macadamia oil. Macadamia gives an earthy touch to the mayonaise that I love, but it was megaweird at first. Only because I’d never known it before. Talk about mouth confusion. Within days it accepted the flavor and now I think it is going to be my go to mayo. You can easily make your own mayo, and I suggest doing so at least once to feel the power. So fresh and so easy. Currently I don’t have a jar that fits my immersion blender though so it’s annoying and I get less fluff and more…opposite of fluff.

 

I should find a bigger jar.

Mayo Fondled Broccoli:

A Low Carb and Paleo Snack

 

Broccoli

Ingredients:

Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

Broccoli

Mayo (I used Payo)

Dash of Salt

Directions:

  1. Turn your flames or burner to medium heat and add a tablespoon of coconut oil to the iron.
  2. Lay the broccoli in the coconut oil and allow the oil to heat the broccoli for about a minute and a half. Then flip the broccoli and add a dash of salt. Allow it to heat through for about a minute. Use your hands. If it is too hot to touch then flip or remove from the pan. You want it just hot enough that you can still hold it without there being any cold left in the stem.
  3. Fondle the broccoli with about a teaspoon of payo per tree and increase per mouth desires.

Broccoli Candle

 

Caveman Alternative:

  1. Scrape energy together into fire
  2. Use a knife or your teeth and  create a sharp point to a stick
  3. Stab broccoli through the stem until it is firmly on the stick
  4. Slowly turn the broccoli while counting down from sixty three times in your head
  5. Remove from flame and add salt
  6. Have cavewife find and egg and oil.
  7. Find a cup, put in the egg and oil, cover and shake vigorously, or put the egg and oil in your mouth and vigorously shake your mouth around.
  8. Put the broccoli in your mouth or dip it in the cup.
  9. Feed each other or just yourself.

From Pasta to Pizza: 150 Low Carb Substitutes

150 Keto Substitutes.jpg

Once upon a time the title to this post was: Top 10 Keto Substitutes from Pasta to Pizza.

Then, oh and then, I climbed a tower of swirled spaghetti hair to find a gorgeous layer of keto food bookmarks that merged fantasy into reality. It was then, in the golden hair of a spaghetti squash princess with meatball eyes, that I realized this post was destined to be so much more.

The delicious amounts of food just had to be shared.

This post is the bard to the failed author that started this post with a tiny idea of 10 substitutes with a few examples.

His play was about cheese being part of a sandwich. Sure, it sounds nice, but only someone holding a grilled cheese with OCD would actually go see it. Maybe an artist that believes the art of watching someone make a cheese sandwich supercedes making it at home. The whole heating it part becomes a thrill.

Excuse the cynicism

I’m getting a bit annoyed by artists from living in Marfa. I’m writing a fantasy novel for two months and I’ve been here 21 days. The locals are incredible, but the tourists…. There’s a bunch of young humans that come here to photograph dirt as though it’s new.

Pasta and pizza took a cue on this post from Flint and rained in sodas, alcohol, sweets, tacos, mashed potatoes, rice, snacks and chips in mass abundance. You’re going to have recipes for months. 

Fine fine, I concede. That’s still ten categories.

Don’t worry about running out of room though. This will just take one bookmark spot for you.

I was going through my mega hoard of bookmarks that I stored up when I was first starting ketosis and I realized there were so many it could easily be a 50 keto alternative recipes. Oh ha ha went food reality. We’ve got 100. Oh wait, 120 without even trying?

Nope. 150. There could even be more.

So many humans just love to embrace fats and the full blown pleasure they give our bodies. There are so many recipes from so many great blogger chefs just waiting to be tried.

So let’s start at the beginning, pasta.

Oh a ❤ means it’s my favorite.

Yeah. Emoji Code.

😎 means it is sacred in the keto community and must be treated with mouth respect.

😛 means I’ve tried and love it. It just isn’t the topgasm

Pasta for:

Spaghetti Squash, Cheese, Almond Flour, Zoodles or even Cauliflower Noodles

Low Carb Pasta.jpg

I never truly loved Pasta. I’m Irish not Italian. What I did love was the sauce and the meatballs on top of the pasta. I usually set the noodles aside and ate those delicious balls of soaked meat with the respect my mouth dedicated to their seduction. The fun of the noodles playing on my fork was a delight though. The game of ‘keep it on the fork’ is one I never mastered. Gnocchi is awesome. Simply stab.

Now I’ve replaced fun texture with veggie mouthgasms. Spaghetti squash compliments meats and sauces and gets to be a delicious flavor all on its own. You can feel the life nutrients fondle your brain into happiness. Mmmmmmmmm. I love it so much. Excuse me while I go pop a squash into the slow cooker. I recently realized you can just put the whole thing in and cut it once cooked. Recipe coming soon. Still need to take pictures.

Recipes:

24 Low Carb Spaghetti Squash Recipes from BuzzFeed

Cauliflower Mac’n Cheese with English Cheddar and Bacon from All Day I Dream About Food

Garlic Butter Zoodles with Herbs from The Iron You

😎  Keto Garlic Gnocchi from the Primitive Palate

Almond Pasta with Bacon and Wild Mushroom Sauce from The Primitve Palate

Bacon Spaghetti Squash Fritters from Julia’s Album

Buffalo Chicken Spaghetti Squash Pizza from Shared Appetite

Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Spaghetti Squash Hashbrowns  from B.Britnell

Sausage and Peppers Stuffed Spaghetti Squash Boats  from Nutmeg Nanny

Pizza Bake with Spaghetti Squash from Anne Sage

Twice Baked Spaghetti Squash from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb Ravioli with Two Fillings from Low Carb Ology

Zucchini Lasagna from Say Yes

To Buy:

❤  Your Local Farm : Get to know the people giving you  life.

Miracle Noodle Shirataki Noodles 

No Oodles Zero Carb Noodles 

Bread for:

Almond Flour, Cheese, and Coconut Flour Bread

Low Carb Bread.jpg

Seriously though, we’ve got it covered. Besides, coconut and almonds taste better than wheat. I’ll consider you a friend and use the argument I do with all those that let me leak words into their minds about food. I’ve finally gotten to where food isn’t in every other sentence. *Is so happy to not be food cult minded anymore*

Would you really go to a field and just eat a piece of wheat? Not unless you’re on grass. You would eat coconut or almonds raw though. We use those. It makes baked even better.

Recipes:

😛   Toasted Sub Sandwich Bread / multipurpose bread from Maria Mind and Body

Cauliflower Bagel BLTs from The Iron You

Coconut Flour Biscuits from I Breathe I’m Hungry

😛   Microwave Hamburger Buns from Ruled.Me

❤  Olive and Rosemary Faux’caccia from The Healthy Foodie

Zucchini Feta Muffins from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb Soft Pretzels from My Tootie Foodie

Cauliflower Breadsticks from iFood Real

😎   Everything Bagel Dogs from The Primitive Palate

Sausage and Egg Low Carb McMuffin from Taste a Holics

Multi-purpose Low Carb Bread Recipe from All Day I Dream About Food

To Buy:

Julian BakeryPaleo Bread – Almond

Great Low Carb Bread Company

Coconut Flour

Almond Flour

Tacos for:

Lettuce Shell, Cheese or Almond Flour Tacos:

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

That crunch, that munch that smoky and spicy meat. Tacos have been my favorite food since I put them inside me. Honestly this was the hardest thing for me to give up and finding that lettuce shell substitute and that Torchy’s bowl kept me from giving up keto.

Recipes:

Crispy All-Cheese Taco Shells from Serious Eats

Keto and Paleo Tortillas, Taco Shells and Nachos from Keto Diet Blog

Veggie Lettuce Cups from Multiply Delicious

Cauliflower Soft Tortillas from The Healthy Foodie

Pork Carne Asada Tacos from Ruled.Me

Taco Pie from Fast Paleo

Eating out:

Torchy’s Tacos Bowl

Taco Salads

 Rice for:

Cauliflower Rice

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

I love the playful texture of rice, and I especially love the way it soaks up the liquids we give it. Cauliflower rice is no exception and it reheats with the same texture the next day. No more hard rice to pick out from your chicken.

Cauliflower even cooks faster than rice.

If I’m not worried about moisture I’ll just chop a cauliflower in fourths, pulse it in the blender until it is ‘rice’ and go from there.

‘Go from there’ can even just be tossing it in my cast iron with chicken and coconut oil for ten minutes. Add spices. Eat deliciousness.

To Make:

❤   How to Make Cauliflower Rice or Couscous from The Kitchn

Cauliflower Rice Sushi from The Vedge

Low Carb Coconut Lime Cauliflower Rice from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Cheesy Low Carb Cauiflower Risotto in Creamy Pesto Sauce from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Thai Chicken with Basil and Cauliflower Fried Rice-Low Carb from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Low Carb Dirty Rice  from Jamie Oliver

Keto Mushroom Wild Rice Pilaf from Ruled.Me

To Buy:

Miracle Shirataki Rice

Trader Joe’s Cauliflower Rice

 Mashed Potatoes for:

Cauliflower, Celeriac, or Broccoli Mash

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

Mashed potatoes were the first thing I went for at Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and at Sunday dinner, and at home. Seriously though, we’re Irish. My parents love them too, and the only time they got sick of them was after actually going to Ireland and having them with every meal.

So when I tell you that cauliflower mash is just as delicious you have to at least 10% believe me. Potato is such a texture food. What you love is that whipped creamy fluff entering you. Cauliflower has the texture and butter whips itself right in. Add your spices and you’ve got a delicious side mash or even a mash to top your shepherd’s pie with.

Honestly if you’re worried about giving anything up on keto, then try this mash so you know you aren’t missing out. You’ll even want to stay on keto just to have cauliflower mash every day.

Recipes:

❤   Creamy Coconut Cauliflower Mash from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

😎   Low Carb “Better than Potatoes” Cheesy Cauliflower Puree from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Broccoli Mash from Low Carb Kitty

Shepherd’s Pie with Cauliflower Topping from Oven Love

😛   The Best Cauliflower Mash Ever from The Healthy Foodie

Cauliflower Mash with Bacon from Pop Sugar

Sour Cream and Cheddar Mashed Cauliflower from All Day I Dream About Food

Garlic and Chive Cauliflower Mash from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Roasted Celery Root, Turnip and Apple Puree from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Potato Fries for:

Celeriac, Daikon,Zucchini, Eggplant or Tofu Fries

Final Fries.jpg

Honestly what you want from fries is a crunch on the outside and a soft inside. Oh wait,  you like them fully crispy? Well bring fries back into your control. I’ve mastered how I like fries from being on keto and making them myself.

Eventually you just love a crispy veggie rectangle that you can dip in homemade mayo or ketchup.

I love to just chop celerica root into chunks of semi rectangles and fry them in coconut oil with salt. They need nothing else.

Recipes:

Avocado Fries from Taste-a-Holics

Low Carb “French Fries” Guide from Keto Diet Blog

❤    Low Carb Tofu Fries from The Primitive Palate

Celeriac Fries from Slender Kitchen

Low Carb Turnip Fries from Sweet as Honey

Courgette/Zucchini Fries from Kitchen Sanctuary

😛    Daikon Fries from No Bun Please

Low Carb Eggplant Fries from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Potato Chips for:

Pepperoni, Almond Flour, Zucchini Radish, Parsnip, or Brussels Chips

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I laughed at low carbers when I first read a chips recipe. Ha. That space is reserved for potatoes and you can’t prove otherwise.

I was wrong. Try the pepperoni chips if you don’t believe it either.

Recipes:

Crispy Prosciutto Chips from No Bun Please

❤  Pepperoni Chips from The Low Carb Diet

Keto Tortilla Chips from Ruled.Me

Texas Chicken Nachos from Real Food by Dad

Low Carb Chili Doritos from Ditch the Wheat

Keto Cheetos from Maria Mind and Body

Funyuns from Maria Mind and Body

Zucchini Chips from Maria Mind and Body

Keto Tater Tot Nachos from Ruled.Me

Zucchini Nachos from Betsy Life

Brussels Sprouts Chips from All Day I Dream About Food

😛  Parsnip Chips from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Radish and Leaves Chips from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

To Buy:

Applegate Pepporonis : Best bacon and pepperonis I’ve found. You’ll also be supporting a company that loves their animals.

Pork Clouds

Pork Rinds

Kale Chips

Milk for:

Coconut milk, Almond Milk, Hemp Milk or Heavy Whipping Cream

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I never really liked milk. Probably because I was given that 2% water with milk flavor growing up. I did love that Yoo-Hoo though, and Organic Valley chocolate milk, but I’ve always loved rich flavors, and eating the fat off the steak. My family even knew to give me that fat that were mental enough to not eat. Now I just drink heavy whipping cream straight or squeeze lemon in and add chocolate shavings.

Seriously though. The human body just loves fat.

I’ve recently switched to using coconut milk more than dairy and it is a creamy delicious treat too. Simply add chai, cocoa, a dash of vanilla, or drink it straight. You can also make ice cream with it. Oh and fudge.

To Make:

Low Carb Almond Milk Eggnog from All Day I Dream About Food

Homemade Caramel Frappuccino from All Day I Dream About Food

 Mexican Hot Chocolate from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb Chocolate Avocado Smoothie from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb and Paleo Hangover Smoothie from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Cocomilk Chai Latte from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Coconut Milk Recipe and Guide from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Homemade Almond Milk from Oh She Glows

To Buy:

Kalona Supernatural. Delicious and another happy animal company I want you to support 😉

Coconut Flakes

Sugar for:

Berries, Splenda, Xylitol, Erythitrol or Small Amounts of Coconut Sugar

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The dedicated art to low carb sweets should hold you in awe. Seriously. Bow to your new masters and go up to them soaked in their ice cream so they can lick it off you. If you can handle not licking it all from yourself.

Carolyn from All Day I Dream About food has given us cheesecake, donuts, tiramisu, muffins, cinnamon twists, ice cream, pudding, brownies and even slow cooker cake. Did you know you can slow cook cake? This changed my cooking life and I still have a folder of slow cooker cake ideas just waiting to be made. Mine will be more savory, think bacon and rosemary.

Carolyn impresses me weekly with her new sweet treats and I highly recommend you subscribe to her blog in order to know you will never feel deprived when it comes to the low carb lifestyle.  I’ve actually created my favorite sweet tastes with her recipes as guides. I hadn’t ventured farther than cake until her and now I can make fudge crumb bars, lemon bars, muffins, slow cooker cake, ice cream and pudding. I don’t even need to look at the recipes anymore she’s taught me so well.

Recipes:

The Best Low Carb Keto Candy Recipes from All Day I Dream About Food

😛  Whipped Coconut Cream and Berries by Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

😎    😛   Keto Soft Batch Cookies from The Primitive Palate

😛   Chocolate Fudge Crumb Bars from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb 3 Musketeers from Maria Mind and Body

Butterfinger Bars from Maria Mind and Body

Twix from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb Turtles from Maria Mind and Body

Paleo Peppermint Patties from Worth Every Chew

Low Carb Marshmallows from Keto Diet Ap

Low Carb Hostess Cupcakes from All Day I Dream About Food

31 Amazing Low Carb Cheesecake Recipes from All Day I Dream About Food

❤   Low Carb Slow Cooker Chocolate Cake from All Day I Dream About Food

Cinnamon Donuts with Brown Butter Glaze from All Day I Dream About Food

😛  Low Carb Oreos from Primitive Palate

Tiramisu Layer Cake from All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb and Sugar Free Chocolate Ice Cream by I Breathe I’m Hungry

Homemade Ho-ho’s from Maria Mind and Body

To Buy:

Coconut Flour

Almond Flour

Cocoa Powder

Xylitol

Swerve

Xantham Gum

 Wraps for:

Lettuce Wraps/Alternate Flour Wraps

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For me bread takes away from flavor. Lettuce gives you its own flavor or stands in the background depending on the type you choose. I also now love that crunch.

Recipes:

Cream Cheese and Smoked Salmon Spinach Wraps from Berutto

Low Carb Spicy Shrimp Hand Rolls from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Turkey Lettuce Wraps from Sheer Luxe

Buffalo Chicken Lettuce Wraps from Skinny Taste (cut the carrots for keto)

Bahn Mi Lettuce Wraps from Cooking for Keeps (cut out the suga rand carrots for keto and make the mayo full fat )

Cabbage Wraps with Spicy Peanut Dipping Sauce from A House in the Hills (cut carrots and sugar)

Low Carb Wraps from Low Carb Maven

To Buy:

Five Guys Lettuce Wraps or Bowls

Jimmy Johns Lettuce Wrap Sandwiches

La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortillas

Mama Lupe Low Carb Tortillas

Julian’s Bakery GF Paleo Coconut Wraps

Mission Carb Balance Tortillas

 Root Veggies for:

Green Veggies/ This Keto Veggie List

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Honestly veggie life has never tasted so good as it does now. Veggies with fats actually is more nutritious as they compliment absorption. Read Mark’s article:10 Food Pairings that Making Suprising Nutritional Sense by clicking this word (you can also touch it if clicking doesn’t work.

Recipes:

😎   Bacon Wrapped Asparagus from Add a Pinch

Red Cabbage, Mint and Granny Smith Apple Slaw from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Roasted Rosemary Brussels Sprouts with Blueberries from The Healthy Maven

Butternut Squash Fritters from The Iron You

😛  Butternut Squash and Spinach Lasagna from The Iron You

Blistered Green Beans with Spicy Aioli from All Day I Dream About Food

Smoked Salmon Cucumber Rolls from All Day I Dream About Food

Creamy Brussels Sprouts Smokey Bacon Salad from The Healthy Foodie

Spicy Sriracha Roasted Broccoli from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Grilled Eggplant Bruschetta from All Day I Dream About Food

😎   Easy Keto Creamed Spinach from Ruled.Me

❤  Lemon Coconut Creamed Spinach from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

To Buy:

Your Local Farm

Pizza for:

Almond Flour, Cauliflower, Cheese and Flax Seed Crusts

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There have been many dedicated to the art of low carb pizza. Their art could even enter Marfa and people would go see plays about it for weeks.

In food seriousness though pizza is something you will never be deprived of. I’m not a big pizza maker but those that venture into keto pizza world come back with pepperonis and cheeses for years to come.

Recipes:

😎   Fat Head Pizza Crust from Ditch The Carbs

Cauliflower Crust Cheese Pizza from Gimme Delicious

Cream Cheese Low Carb Pizza Crust from The Primitive Palate

Almond Flour Pizza Crust from All Day I Dream About Food

5 Minute Pizza from Ruled.Me

Low Carb Pepperoni Pizza from Ruled.Me

Easy Low Carb Pan Pizza from All Day I Dream About Food

Pizza Rolls from All Day I Dream About Food

Deep Dish Skillet Sausage Pizza from All Day I Dream About Food

Cauliflower Crust Calzone from The Iron You

Cauliflower Crust Stromboli from The Iron You

Cauliflower Crust Hot Pockets from The Iron You

Portobello Personal Pizzas from Ruled.Me

Low Carb Pepperoni Pizza Meatballs from I Breathe I’m Hungry

😛     Pepperoni Pizza Cauliflower Casserole from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Low Carb Stromboli from All Day I Dream About Food

Personal Tip: If you’re eating out/at parties just eat the toppings.

 Alcoholic Drinks for:

Alcoholic Drinks

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First, read this article by Mark about Ketosis and Alcohol. I personally love a glass of wine, a shot of gin or a dash of whiskey in my life. Beware that keto makes you a lightweight. Honestly it’s brilliant because it’s cheaper. Just watch out for that hangover. Don’t worry though, I’ve got a hangover smoothie for you.

Most liquors are no carbs, but for rum, and red wine is fine with just a glass. Here is a list of alcohols and their carbs.

I generally just do gin with soda water, a lime, and mint if they have it. So refreshing and delicious.

Recipes:

Low Carb Mojito All Day I Dream About Food

Low Carb Margaritas from All Day I Dream About Foo

Homemade Alcoholic Whipped Cream by Caveman Keto

Vanilla Latte Martini from All Day I Dream About Food

Blushing Whiskey Sour from Klienworth & Co

Low Carb Moscow Mule from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Cosmopolitan Jello Shots from All Day I Dream About Food

Coffee and Gin Gomptail from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

To Buy:

Gompers: My favorite Gin Brand

Lucid: Favorite Absinthe Brand

 Soda for:

Tea, Sparkling Water with Extract, Kombucha, BPC, Extract Water or Homemade Drinks

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I just indulge my liquid life by pouring extract water and tea into it. Starting kombucha is amazemouthing because I still get all that flavor of herbs seeping into liquid. Oh and adding apple cider vinegar in my water, but that’s just for taste kicks. Make sure to try that keto electrolyte drink. You have to boost electrolytes when on keto my lovers.

Recipes:

Raspberry Limeade from All Day I Dream About Food

Homemade Root Beer from Maria Mind and Body

❤  Keto Electrolyte Drink from Nourished Caveman

Kombucha Brewing Guide from Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

10 Natural Flavored Water Recipes from Reader’s Digest

Low Carb Elderberry Syrup from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Bulletproof Chai from Cheerfully Imperfect

Summer Iced Berry “Lemonade” from Keto Diet App

12 Low Carb Bulletproof Coffee Recipes from Low Carbe Diem

Low Carb Sugar Free Drinks List from Your Lighter Side

To Buy:

La Croix

High Carb Snacks for:

Nut Butters, Coconut Butters and Fat Bombs

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Low fat sugar stuffed food for high fat flavor. Seriously though. Your body loves it and explodes that love into your taste buds. I can barely even type about I’m sinking into delicious fatty memories of buttery goodness and avocados and….mmmm….bacon

Recipes:

Fat Bombs from Ruled.Me

60 Amazing Fat Bomb Recipes from Keto Diet App

10 Tips for Making the Best Coconut Butter Ever from Mark’s Daily Apple

11 Best Keto Paleo Fat Bombs from The Nourished Caveman

To Buy:

Coconut Oil

Ghee

Avocado Oil

Lard

Keto Bars

Keto Delivered: small batch keto food delivered to your door

Grass Finished Jerky

I did also realize the largest Internet sub list for keto is about 50. I wanted to make the largest one on the Internet. Mwahahahah. Goddess beast points.

This may have taken about fifteen hours or more of my life. Totally worth it.

I may have eaten half the food in my fridge though from these pictures being so delicious looking. Now you’re obligated to give me your email so I can eventually use it to pitch advertisers …or stock half my fridge 😉

I hope this helps your food journey and gives you a list to show off to friends that think this diet isn’t the most delicious mouth watering of a diet in human existence. Seriously though, it just makes sense. Meats and fats is all we really need. All that other earth stuff is just trying to make up for it. I’m just an organ meat lover at heart though.

Kombucha Brewing Guide

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I’m gifting a scoby to a coffee shop goddess I met over in Alpine. She makes a seductive London Fog and an espresso so worthy of mouth flavoring that Hermes would bring it to all the gods.

She also sold me this little espresso clay…thing…setup?

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So far I’ve only used it for whiskey shots.

She brought earthenly delights into my life so I had to return the deliciousness in my own way.

I get excited at the idea of people loving kombucha as much as I do, and asked if she’d ever tried it. She said no and so now I’m giving her a scoby to make her own.

I was going to write out all the instructions on a sheet of paper for her, but this way it won’t be lost and you Interneters can get my four months of wisdom too 😉

The Kombucha Basics:

 

Brew tea, add sugar, let it ferment for seven days.

Expanded:

What is Kombucha?

Kombucha is fermented tea. I’m sure you’ve had other fermented drinks 😉

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Kombucha is also amazing for your gut flora and since drinking it I feel brighter, more alert and my memory has improved.

Use Google for more information if you’re interested. It knows more than I do.

 

 

 

 

Sugars To Use:

Organic cane sugar is best since it feeds on it naturally. I’ve also had success with coconut sugar and love the earthy flavor to it, like molasses.

The sugar I use currently is this one.

Sugars To Avoid:

 

Xylitol (I almost killed my scoby with this one), Splenda, Erythitrol, Honey

I start the ferment with about two tablespoons of sugar and increase the amount each day. There’s debate on if this matters but I just enjoy doing so. I add about a 1/2 teaspoon more each day.

 

Water:

You want pure water in order to not harm the scoby. I use Icelandic Water. Hard water can hurt the scoby. Check the water in your area here

The Tea:

 

Ze Cocomilk Chai Pour MLM

The scoby does need caffeine in order to thrive. I am caffeine sensitive so I do an herbal blend of tea with 1/4 green tea added. Brewed separately. (Herbal needs boiling water while green needs a lower temp to not burn the leaves)

Since you’ll probably be making a gallon of tea it is best to use “too much” tea for the initial steep and then pour in plain water. This also speeds up waiting for the water to reach room temperature.

Here is an excellent tea brewing guide.

Go ahead and use the amount of tea needed for a gallon (or how much you want to brew) in your tea pot and then just add the water after.

I’ve heard tales that if you use green tea you can use honey as your sugar

 

Temperature:

 

Your scoby needs to be at 74-82 degrees in order to not overferment at high temperatures and in order to not die from cold temperatures.

I use a tiny heater set to one, about 1.5 feet away and that maintains a fairly good temp, but you need a thermometer to test it each day. You can also get heating pads that maintain temperatures for fermentation.

The Fermenting:

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  1. Acquire a scoby. I got mine here and it is strong. It even survived xylitol and me figuring out you can’t get the water too cold…or too hot.
  2. Brew your tea, add 1/4 cup sugar,  and let it come to room temperature (see notes on sugar tea above).
  3. Add about two cups of the last brew or find a neutral kombucha at a store to add. This is not necessary but will speed up the ferment.
  4. Cover the jar in a nut bag or paper town with a rubber band. I didn’t have a rubber band and just tied it.
  5. Store in a dark warm room for seven to ten days. Do not leave in direct sunlight.
  6. Drink each day so you can find out where your taste preference is between sweet and tart. I’m about to get these straws for ease.
  7. Bottle the kombucha so it stops steeping. You want to use dark bottles to keep the nutrient benefits alive.
  8. Second ferment with herbs for a few days in wine bottles or plastic, away from direct sun but still in a warm room. This can also make it bubbly, but that’s not as simple as it seems.

For the second ferment I love lavender, or cloves, or vanilla. There’s plenty of recipes online though and even in this epic book I just got on Amazon: Kombucha Revolution: 75 Recipes for Homemade Brews, Fixers, Elixirs, and Mixers

 

Enjoy your hours and all the liquids you put in them 😉

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