Tag Archives: suicide

Savory Chocolate Brussels

I used to flip dairy fairy cartwheels out when my favorite food bloggers would go days without posting. I’d not know what to eat so I spurted milk from my body to live on. Some of it made it into a glass.

I would say you should just stop listening but this is typed so you’d just have to stop reading when I get awkward with words.

I wouldn’t understand where my food bloggers had gone. How could my food mothers and other goddesses just leave me? I’d feel completely lost and just simper over to the stove to make bacon and eggs.  Then I would feel happy because bacon and eggs is always delicious.

Without their recipes to guide me I had no idea how to cook and I was even scared to do so. There were too many spice combinations I didn’t understand. What if there were carbs hiding in the spinach? Little carbs may have jumped out of the oranges, turned micro, and restructured the leaves. I didn’t know.

That was at the point where I was counting carbs and looking at food as equations rather than simply as food.

At first the body does need to relearn its intuitive knowledge of how to take care of itself. When first starting on keto I was still a sugar ravishing human that weighted 110 pounds and thus thought I was healthy. I had to rewire my brain’s pathways to accept that sugar was a drug. It turns out that drug keeps your body from knowing when your body is full. Your body thinks of the most vivid resource when hungry and sugar is one of the most vivid of all. My mouth dripped for chocolate at every thought of it and I’d eat without a stop once it made its way in.

I’d adapted to the point I did have the full feeling, but I’d eat sugar without being able to stop. Keto cured me of that by detoxing out the sugar and returning my body to itself. In a few weeks I’d finally reached a point of true food gauging. My body spoke to me about everything it desired. There was no fear impulse to scarf down a Crunchwrap Supreme or an uncontrollable urge to drink down a tub of ice cream after I let it melt a few hours and then topped it with Butterfingers. After being off sugar for months candy actually started to look like toys that I couldn’t understand as food. Why were people eating the toys in their Happy Meals? I’d realize quick but it still felt odd to watch.

I’ve fallen in and out of keto a lot the last couple of months. I’ve been writing in Marfa and been in a film festival in Sedona, so food was given to me often and I was broke so I just let it slip. Sedona was incredible and they fed us everyday as part of the VIP experience. I was in a film that was submitted and got in. The nurturing and wisdom that came from the town even inspired me to write them a letter called To the Sedars, The Sedona Counsel of Elders. I still need to hand write it on a scroll for them.

It hasn’t been horrid. It felt like cheating but with a very sexy donut. I didn’t slip that far, but I did find the most succulent chocolate molded into soft lumps with sparkling cayenne gently fondling their flavor. Oh my god these truffles were so rich and creamy and mmm I’m lost in the memory every time I touch it.  The oddest mind moments occurred when I would have sugar and then want to eat everything in edible sight. The toys became food again. I still keep caving to chocolate, and yesterday I even went too far in chocolate and wound up eating lots of chips too. Sigh. I’d only had an avocado, cheese, bacon and cabbage up to that point and was in full control. Then one bite of chocolate and I actually watched as my eyes turned everything to food that minutes before I hadn’t craved at all.

Today I’ve only had water and I’ll kill the cravings with green tea throughout the day’s hours. I want keto back like a drug addict knowing their cure.

Beginnings.jpg

Since typing that I finally found coconut oil and cocoa. Before this moment I had been craving chocolate and thought it was just for the sugar, but then realized I haven’t had red meat in days so I could be feeling cravings for the magnesium and iron. After the pure combo of cocoa and coconut oil touched my mouth an hour ago, and I felt my mouth melt to the taste, I now that was it. That prefrontal cortex song of nutrients soared through my brain like that first bite of steak. It tasted even better than tiny chocolate bars. Ha. Puny cocoa moments. I thought of them after and my brain laughed. The cravings were gone.

Moving.jpg

While in Marfa I did create a dish I can have forever in life, regardless of any restrictions I dare place on my mouth. I got high one night and had this block of pure cocoa. I also had just taken a small scoop of coconut into my hands and rubbed it into my cast iron, fully pushing it into the iron and soaking myself in the moment of my hands and oil meeting my favored cooking tool.

I then saw the bar of pure brown and picked it up, tried to eat off a chunk and realized it was too hard. My eyes cast themselves about the room and saw my heated iron just begging to be used. I turned up the heat and pushed the cocoa bar into the oil until it met the iron. It slowly melted in. The brown seeped into the pan and coated the black with melted chocolate. I was lost in it and just let it melt as I rubbed the bar deeper and deeper in as the bar got smaller and smaller in my hands while the chocolate poured off.  I held the bar with my right hand and my left finger nuzzled itself into the pan and scooped the chocolate into my mouth. Oh my savory bliss of earthenly pleasure. My eyes would not stay open in order to fully absorb themselves into the taste with me.

 

At first my mind yelled that it would be hard to get out and said I shouldn’t use the whole thing! Thoughts melted away, unable to penetrate the flavor the oil and chocolate were making.

Butter Cocoa.jpg

Time lost itself as I let the bar melt all the way in and got a spoon. I dashed salt on top and just stood there, body leaned in with elbows on the counter as I spooned bite by bite into my mouth. I was still in full control as the pleasure melted into my senses and I got lost in pure chocolate. Then I paused and decided to get Brussels in on this. I opened the fridge and pulled out the tiny green leaves bunched into a shell, carved them open and then in fourths and placed them in the melted chocolate. I heated them over medium high and watched them turn crispy in the cocoa, pushing them about the pan as they told me what to do.

Push Me.jpg

Crispy Brussels leaves soaked in chocolate is such a delicious crunching seduction. Sprinkle salt on top and you have all your senses could want.

Oh and the cocoa comes right out. My cast iron was more clean after it than before. If any sticks just add more oil and fry things in it. I left some in the pan and fried an egg on top of it the next morning. It was so flipping eggwheels good.

Cocoa Egg

 

Cocoa Buttered Brussels

Final Chocolate Coated Brussels.jpg

Ingredients:

Brussels Sprouts

1/4 Bar of cocoa (or 2 T of cocoa powder)

About 2 Tablespoons Coconut oil (or butter)

Directions:

Melt chocolate into cast iron by either adding coconut oil to the pan and melting your cocoa paste into it, or adding butter to the pan with cocoa powder.

Chop the Brussels into quarters and fry them in the chocolate, pushing them around occasionally with hands or a spoon, for about six minutes. Try them randomly to see how cooked you like them, Brussels need to be crispy with a barely soft inside, but that’s just my preference.

Advertisements

Tigernut Cereal (Sweetner Free, Low Carb and Paleo)

Raw Eating

Are you ready for adult cinnamon toast crunch?

People generally think cutting entire foods out of staple meals is so scary that all staples no longer fit into your red stapler body and it’s going to burn down. (Office Space reference, if you have not watched it then you have the Internet and thus no excuse not to. You can even leave me to go watch it right now…I’ll miss you though). 

For this body, food has never tasted so mouth dripping blissful. I love the way food feels and tastes going in me, and the energy it gives me throughout the entire day to connect to life in. 

My body no longer has dairy, fruits (except for bursting berries of mouth pleasure, lemons, and lychees), root veggies, sweeteners or most carbs. If you had told the high school energy drink’s laced in sour patch kids Ainsley what she would grow into she would have sprayed you with her specialty sour spray mix (it was marinaded in warheads).

If you meet me back then go ahead and say future me created an AIP cereal recipe on her little blog and watch me plotz all over you in excitement (I loved health even then, just didn’t think 3 energy drinks a day was bad if I still had spinach).

Now my throat burns at even the touch of soda but it smiles over organ meats and maca powder. The first time I tried maca powder there was no bitter, the ancient soul of my body knew it and I swear I heard my ancestors dancing and singing through my head. 

Maca Cereal MLM

It took many years to reach this point, and realizing more and more that I want every ingredient that enters me to benefit this mind. The idea of healthy was never gross to me. In fact, with those Monster energy drinks, or if I was feeling classic and cigar minded Red Bull, I would often still eat spinach at the dinner table. At first the stuff was gross, (as it is supposed to be as a bodily defense mechanism against poison) but eventually I favored it to most other foods. My body adapted and accepted every fiber of that green leaf. I also loved eggs, bacon, fruits in high abundance, cottage cheese, sauerkraut, and kale.

AIP Cereal MLM

Now I still eat eggs, bacon, berries, and have just added a much larger range of veggies to my taste bud reservoir.

All of the above words are meant to be encouragement for if you are looking at/wanting to change lifestyles, or have learned that you have to. Despite where you are in your food journey it is possible to change it and feel incredible while doing so, with amazing foods just waiting to be inside you.

Auto Immune Paleo (AIP) is an allergen free approach to the paleo diet and is used to cure chronic illnesses. The ones I care about are of the mind. To cure yourself of malfunctioning connections that lead to ADHD, depression, OCD, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, autism and all of the other mind illnesses there is ‘no cure’ for. All mental disorders actually can be seen, just in the brain, and most have nutrient deficiencies already scientifically linked to them.

Food was the only thing that cured them for me and the mental lack of control comes back every time I cheat.

It cuts out everything your body might be allergic to or is allergic to. This diet would make an incredible elimination diet if you’re looking to see what foods work for you. The elimination diet is a simple concept of cutting out the foods your body might not accept for a week and then bringing ingredients back into you one by one to see how you react. Easy concept but hard to do. Well welcome to AIP. Here is the list of what it cuts out though: From http://www.thepaleomom.com/autoimmunity/the-autoimmune-protocol

 This list is probably the most extensive one I’d ever seen of foods to cross out. Actually keto was probably just as extensive but I’m too used to it to remember now.

Luckily there is a great new flour that is AIP friendly and is splurging out all over the blogger world. Tiger Nut Flour is the newest flour to cross them all. It is actually a root vegetable and is perfect for the primal mind since our East African ancestors used them as a staple part of their diet according to a recent Oxford study. This post is long enough though so if you want to know more about the tiger nuts click here.

My favored thing about the tiger nut is that the nut is so sweet you don’t need to add any sweetener to your recipes. For added sweetness you can simply add more raspberries or blackberries to this delicious cereal. 

To Be Edited By Abbey

The Taste

This cereal is so delciious to the human taste buds that my very picky twin said it was ‘really good’. Yeah. We actually fist bumped after I squeed in delight and she smiled as she chewed it more. Abbey is basically the person that tells me I’ve gone too creative in a recipe. Oddly enough this recipe is among the most creative when it comes to ingredients.

I personally love the stroke of maca into the flavor and the crunch of the cereal is exactly like cinnamon toast crunch pieces. Oh I’ll have to make a cinnamon toast crunch version soon. That and Frosted Flakes used to be my favorite.

Inspired by The Primitive Pallet Hazelnut Mocha Cereal:

dsc_0537

Ingredients for Tigernut Flour Cereal

1/2 Cup Goldeen Flax Seed Meal

1/4 Cup Tigernut Flour (?)

1/4 Cup Hemp Seeds (?)

2 Tablespoons Maca Powder (?)

1 Tablespoon Ceylon Cinnamon (?)

1/2 Cup Full Fat Coconut Milk (Make your Own)

1/4 Tsp Vanilla

1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil (melted)

Best served with coconut milk <(^_^)>

AIP Cereal MLM

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 for a slow bake or 300 for a quickie…ish. (30 minutes baking vs 1 hr 20 minutes for longer bake. I prefer the long bake for consistent heating).
  2. Combine the dry ingredients into your food processor and pulse a few times.
  3. Add the wet ingredients: vanilla, melted coconut oil and coconut milk. Process until a dough forms, scraping down the sides when needed.
  4. Spread the batter out across a silipat baking sheet. The longer the dough sits the firmer it gets. I used coconut oil to spread it out evenly with no holes and as thins as you can get it.
  5. Bake for 1 hour and 20 minutes at 200 or bake at 300 for 15 minutes then drop the temp to 250 and bake another 15 minutes.
  6. Take cereal out of the oven and cut into bite size pieces. A pizza cutter works perfect. I used a sharp large knife because I don’t have a pizza cutter.
  7. If any of the pieces are still poofy and don’t automatically break with pressure, bake them again at five minute and keep on checking every five minutes after (you don’t want to burn them).
  8. Turn off the oven and put the pan back in for 1-1.5 hours for maximum crispiness.
  9. Let cool (takes about ten seconds of blowing right out of the oven) before eating.

Visual Tutorial

Pulse your dry ingredients together in a food processor. Add the wet ingredients and pulse until it turns into a batter, scraping down the sides once or twice. Spread the batter onto a silipat with as few holes as possible:

Spread the Batter

Use oil if it begins to stick to your hands:

Oil to cereal time

Bake at 200 for 1 hour and 30 minutes or at 350 for blank

Remove from oven and cut into shapes (a pizza cutter works wonders but I just used a sharp large knife.

Cut Cereal Shapes

Stick the cereal back in the oven and turn it off so they completely dry out. This takes about 1-1.5 hours.

Once dry make all of the pieces cereal size with your hands and then put them onto a board and bring them outside:

DSCN0755

Let Nodame sniff but not eat, she is not human:

Nodame

Maca Cereal MLM

Nutrition Breakdown per 3/4 Cup

Tigernut Cereal (6 Net Carbs Per Serving)

Calories: 222.2

Total Fat: 17.6 g

Potassium: 159 mg

Total Carb: 13.3 g

Dietary Fiber: 7.2 g

Sugars: 3.3 g

Protein: 6.5 g

DV: Vitamin C 3%, Vitamin B-6 5%, Vitamin E 2%, Calcium 5.2%, Copper: 15%, Folate 5%, Iron: 17.8%, Magnesium 25.5%, Manganese: 2%, Phosphorous: 13.3%, Riboflavin: 2%, Thiamin: 10%, Zing 12%

Hazelnut Cereal (Low Carb/4.2 Net Carbs Per Serving)

Calories: 237.2

Fat: 20.1 Saturated: 8.3 g, Poly 3.3 g, Mono: .5 g

Potassium: 106 mg

Total Carb: 9.5 g

Fiber: 5.3 g

Sugars: 1.6 g

Protein: 7.3 g

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Total Fat:3.5 g

Saturated Fat: 0.5 g

Sodium 210 mg

Total Carb 24 g

Vitamin A, C, and Calcium 10% DV, Iron: 25% DV

Brain Invigorating Aloe Smoothie

I know I know, your insides aren’t sunburned so why would you ever eat aloe? The green silky plant is traditionally used in a medical sense, but as it so happens you can also consume aloe. The benefits of this plant inside you are so far reaching that there has been an article published and dedicated to it in the Indian Journal of Dermatology :

 “The Aloe vera plant has been known and used for centuries for its health, beauty, medicinal and skin care properties. The name Aloe vera derives from the Arabic word “Alloeh” meaning “shining bitter substance,” while “vera” in Latin means “true.” 2000 years ago, the Greek scientists regarded Aloe vera as the universal panacea. The Egyptians called Aloe “the plant of immortality.”

Where I really start to mindlove this plant’s abilities is when it comes to amino acids. Amino acids neurotransmitters are vital to brain functioning. The most common amino acids are GABA, and are most commonly found in the proteins that we consume. These amino acids are required to create the four types of monamines: dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These monoamine neurotransmitters are so beloved due to their ability to regulate our body and brain. Dopamine gives us that feeling of pleasure, and all of these monamines help us connect and regulate life. A lack of dopamine, or the inability to react to it, can cause mind and body scorginess. The most commonly known malfunction is Parkinson’s, and there is also a correlation with schizophrenia and ADHD when it comes to dopmaine or lack thereof. There is also an issue with the dopamine receptors when it comes to Parkinson’s, but if you want to know more you can click here.

To avoid such turmoil in our minds let’s unite with aloe which has 20 of the 22 human required amino acids and 7 of the 8 essential amino acids. Unfortunately aloe comes on strong and is hard to eat alone. I’ve been having it for about year in this electrolyte bliss drink and still can’t go it alone.

Recently I acquired an actual aloe plant and am getting the raw meat and juice from that. The taste became even stronger. You have to consume it within about a minute of exposing it so I had to think fast and came up with this smoothie do smooth the bitter.

smoothie Strip

The Taste

Invigoratingly fresh and incredibly refreshing, you can’t not have this inside you, (you actually can but life is better when you just give in). The berries sweeten and harmonize while squishing out that bitter taste and leaving you with a refreshing mouthgasm.

Aloe Smoothie Ingredients

2 TBS Fresh Aloe Vera or Aloe Vera Juice 

1 Cup Coconut or Almond Milk

Dash of Salt

1/4 Cup Frozen Berries (I went blackberry)

Aloe Smoothie Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Oh and aloe is an amazing gel for the hair:

Aloe Hair

Macros with Blackberries:

Total Fat: 5.2g, Sodium: 34.8 mg, Potassium: 92.8 mg, Total Carb: 12.9g, Net CarbsL 11.9

Rich In: Vitamin A, Vitamin B-12, Amino Acids, Calcium Manganese, Magnesium, Iron and Folate

Amar S, Resham V, Saple DG. Aloe vera; a short review. Indian J Dermatol. 2008;53(4):163–166.[PMC free article] [PubMed]

Chocolate Frog Massage Bars

Finger Licking Melting Chocolate

Apparently Daniel Radcliffe is ‘finally’ going to branch out from Harry Potter. Nevermind the fact his tree has already cracked off several branches that he speared through his skin to the skull and crafted them into Horns. Oh you don’t know of his strip from Harry down to Alan Strange in my favorite play, Equus?

This man has made himself bare for us in the sake of horses and mental disorderment.

He has caught a snitch with such erupting laughter I see the memory like a vivid happiness right now. He conquered a dragon people. With another dragon. That’s cool no matter what realm you’re in.

Then to mention the fact he is from my favorite childhood novel while his doppelganger (they switch this role), was in my twin’s favorite novel. We decided she got to love Lord of the Rings while I got to have Harry Potter. We both are enamored by each other’s mythical worlds as well, but I’ve poured into the Harry Potter Books with only a pensieve and wand to get me out. She’s read all of J.R. Tolkien and seen every extended and behind the scenes moments of the movies. She also plans to build Hobbiton, had a Lord of the Rings Wedding:

LOTR Twin Collage

Then Went to New Zealand for the Honeymoon:

New Zealand Collage

,and has a tattoo in Elvish that says ‘Not all who wonder are lost’. All I’ve done is deeply contemplated writing fan fiction. Until now. Now I have the power of food. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice will be on this page soon.

In dedication to the sheer wonders of this man I give you chocolate frog massage bars in a celebrational gesture of his merging personalities on the screen.

If you are living in the loving yourself single realm then I invite you to watch Equus clips on YouTube with one of these bars right next to you.

The chocolate bar will get you very messy so lick off immediately. I love deep messiness and deep chocolate so I’ll stick to it, but if you want a clear coat then go for the white chocolate frog. I promise though, once you go dark frog you never go back.

Now if you can handle chocolate without any sugar, like a full on human beast, then do not add sugar and have a completely warm and wet experience. The sugar adds an exfoliant depth to the bar.

Final Chocolate Massage Bars

Dark Chocolate Frog Massage Bar

1/2 Cup Cocoa Paste

1/2 Cup Coconut Oil

1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder

Dash Salt

1 Tsp Sweetener

(coconut sugar for paleo or erythitol for keto)

White Chocolate Massage Bar

1 Cup Cocoa Butter

1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil

1 Teaspoon of Sweetener

Dash of Salt

Directions forBoth Massage Bars

Totally Look Like Frogs

  1. Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer, as it will burn the chocolate).
  2. Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
  3. Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
  4. Let the paste rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
  5. Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
  6. Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a donut pan).

At this point you can store the bars in the fridge and use them in whatever shape they go cold in or take them out of the fridge once solid and let them come to room temperature. At this point you can mold them into shapes but do put them back in the fridge again as they will melt about 75 degrees.

The Beforehand (get it?????). The left side of the screen is the dark chocolate melted and the right is the white one.

Beforehand

I forgot to take an after but my hand was very clean on both sides.

Lemon Pepper Spaghetti Squash Insides

Raw and Exposed

There’s something about this raw lady being inside you that causes mind shudders of pleasure.

One day/night (oh memory) I was hungry and still had to wait for the spaghetti squash to reach spaghettihood when I saw those innards stretched out across the cutting board. So exposed and wanting, nay, begging to be inside me.

I rubbed them in oil and built up their tension while searching for the perfect spices. The wait was too much and I went classic.  They had waited long enough and were immediately drenched in lemon juices and brought to completion with pepper and salt.

Inner Moments

Innards of a Spaghetti Squash

A teaspoon of Oil

The Juices of Half a Lemon

The Zest of Half a Lemon

Cracking Swirls of Pepper

Dashes of Salt

To Bring to Completion

Wet the Insides with Lemon

Toss in Spices and Zest

Drizzle in Oil

Put Everything Inside You

Final Spaghetti Squash Innards