Tag Archives: weightloss

Top Five Real Life Reasons I Eat Low Carb and Paleo

Fuck

I’ve finally gotten past the cult mind of keto. 

Oh how that mind led into crazy thoughts of fear rebounds.

I categorized everything that wasn’t low carb as unable to enter me and not meant for human consumption.

I even thought that the only natural diet is keto since humans used to eat mostly organ meat and there were two men in New York that only ate organ meat for years and were incredibly healthy. More on those studies later. Why to Eat Organ Meat will need to be a dedication post to organ meat’s delicious body fondling

Carbs are no longer demonized in my brain. Plenty of cultures thrive on them. The combination is where the mind gets confuzzled over how to function.

From my self study in The Box of Chocolates Experiment, where I ate fast food for a week, vegan for a week, vegetarian for a week, paleo for a week and then finally low carb and paleo, I learned to not fear food anymore.

Through this self experimentation my brain and body learned that low carb is truly the lifestyle for my body. No other lifestyle makes me feel vividly in control of food and mind.

The paleo combo basically means I go for foods that are closest to what we think the human body naturally desires This seems to be ancestral and location dependent, but I think it might revolve around what mummy ate while you were in the womb. A seasonal diet of fats in the summer and roots in the winter would also make more intuitive sense than doing either year round. Oh nutrition research 😉 Eventuallly I hope to create a diet equation that takes in the availability of food possibilities, based on your current location and time of year, and create a daily diet just by having an ap on your phone.

I recently  cut out nuts due to their phytic acid preventing nutrient absorption. I self tested and realized they do inflame me, no matter how much I tell my body to love them 😦 .It still convinces me into almond milk lattes sometime. Mostly because favored coffee shops don’t carry coconut milk.

I just use coconut butter now instead of nuts, and it tastes even more mouthgasmingly delicious, especially if you toss in half a vanilla bean. You don’t even have to scrape it.

I also avoid dairy since it keeps causing bloating/gas unless I get it local and not pastured. Most of the time getting unpastuerized dairy is too hard. Kalona SuperNatural is my go to brand if I’m craving that dairy inside me

IMG_20150803_180531

My Top Five Reasons for Following the Keto and Paleo Lifestyle

 1.  My Mind and Body Have Full Control Over Food and Themselves.

I spent many years of life addicted to sugar and did not even know it. So much hunger would ravage my being every three hours and want to bite all my friends until they gave me food. Cupcakes got to fill my life though so I had that going for me, which was nice.

This body was simply ravished and out of control of itself in its nutrient deprived state. Sadly, sugar blocks nutrient absorption.

The moment I have sugar these days I’ll wind up overeating and constantly thinking of that sugar goodie. Ask my family about when they convinced me into eating one donut and I had to sneak the bag into the bathroom that night because I couldn’t stop thinking of them. A picture was taken for my other blog/in order to help out others who think sugar addiction is their fault.

Donuts

The brain switches to hibernation needs and wants you to store food. Hibernation preparation 😉

Wicked Sing a long Pic

Many humans  adapt, just like we can to any other drug, but when you get off sugar you lose those adaptations and it becomes intense when you put that drug inside you.

I finally have no out of control cravings for food. Even if this body switches out of keto for a few days it winds up over eating and thinking of food all hours of the day.

While in ketosis I barely think of food throughout the day and when I do there’s still full control. It’s even easy to eat once a day and highly preferable.

Haha this post is getting so long it’s like a love letter.

The meat or the veggie or the fat can even be switched with no fear. I used to fear not having cupcakes in the cabinet or being deprived of sour patch kids in my backpack. Energy drinks were especially hard to be without. I’d try and pull them from the clouds. It’s so nice to not be paying for addiction anymore. Money money money.

I’m also almost off all drugs, including caffeine, alcohol and grassy things. The idea would have horrified me a year ago, but now I enjoy the way my body feels at a complete balance. The process is slow but we’re getting there. Eventually I plan to make detox week meal plans for each to help out my fellow species that also knows of drug boxes. We can barely socialize without them 😉

IMG_20150813_143654

 

  2. No More Mental Illnesses!

Those words used to make me cower at the possibility of telling other humans something so crazy. Pshh. Mental disorders are from abuse they say. As a human that tried for years to cure my ADHD, OCD, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, dissociation and a general disconnect to life without any food change, I can now tell you how crucial having nutrients is. Without them your body simply cannot connect to life. This includes memory and love and learning and all the things we believe humans just have.

Hell, I even did a 45 day study tracking 65 pieces of mental data to prove it. Mwahahah. Proof. I would have needed it if someone dared to say they could cure the blissfuck demon in my head.

My demon shoo.

When you detox from the foods that are causing your pain, and then get back on them, you can finally tell where all that mind bullox was coming from. Seriously though, I have a Reese’s and want to rip the skin from the faces around me and watch the blood pour out. Every time. I wish I was kidding. A fifth of my life goals revolve around sticking myself in a room with nothing but  me and a journal. I eat just organ meat for two weeks and they put me in a machine each day. Then they give me McDonald’s for a week and watch my brain again. I have no doubt I can prove mental disorders are from toxins in food or whatever all else is in the foods that mentally disordered minds.

I also enjoy just being alone. Solitude doesn’t give an awareness of pain. The pain is gone.

I used to have autofear any moment I was left alone with this mind. There would be impulses to play games, talk or get online. The anxiety at being around other humans was also fierce. Now I can sit in a room with just me or sit outside for hours and there’s no fear. I actually enjoy the solitude of my innards. That feeling just started happening in the last six months. All the years before this just held so much fear in every silence. Cleansing that fear is a demon on steroids, but it can be done if you’re willing to access every part of that fear and adapt to it. Your mind needs the right nutrients to be able to adapt with. No worries lovers. There is organ meat.

IMG_20150601_151821

  3. All of My  Food Dollars go to the Highest Nutrients They can Buy

I’m a just out of college kid that’s in the American economy. In college I learned to budget when it came to food. This was a new feat after growing up with loving and rich parents. Mmmm sheltered life was amazing. Learning how to survive is even better. When choosing between rent and food there’s a lot of dollar menu nomming.

When first starting keto and paleo I feared losing all the fluffy baked goods, the nuts, the fruits and the bread. From this fear  I splurged out on coconut butter, hemp seeds, gut biome supplements and high quality almond butters.

Yeah…I was spending all of my extra money on food and didn’t even care because it made me feel so good and it blissed me into excitement bubbles. I’ve popped most of them and now I don’t really buy anything that isn’t fresh. No more overpriced jars when you can make your own coconut butter. On the last run I added juniper berries to make it taste like gin. Oh my god we can be friends just so you can come over and try it. Om noms.

I get organ meat from a local butcher and veggies from the farmer’s market. I do get avocado oil and Kerrygold butter as splurges if I’m not just using the bacon’s grease. I just accepted that my body doesn’t like pork though, so I’ll have to switch to turkey bacon. It actually tastes better to this mouth, which double means I should be eating it instead. Taste really does center around what nutrients your body has adapted to. That’s why foods that were once bitter to you now taste like amazeballs soaked in whiskey..or gin. Depends on your mouth adaptations 😉  I won’t concede to the idea of white wine. That’s just wrong. Change your mouth.

….dry is okay.

4. Everything I Put in Me Tastes Blissfucking Delicious.

My mouth is getting so picky now. I cut back on all spices because I feared them hurting my brain from any toxins I didn’t know in them. Organic ones are expensive. I also keep killing all the herb plants that come into my care. Deathcare moreso.  So for the last months I’ve just been eating eggs, meat, butter, and veggies with only salt. I don’t even like pepper anymore. Makes me cough.

They all taste so good now though! All the delicious flavors of them get to come fully through to the point you don’t want anything else in your mouth. I’ll even try to combine the meat and egg in one bite and my mouth is like nah man, one at a time. 

I get mouthexcitement from dried herbs in tea or my personal kombucha. Vanilla kombucha is mouthgasming delicious. I’ll share a recipe soon. Oh and if I can find fresh herbs those are very mouthloved, they’re just too expensive now that it’s winter.

Oh and extract water:

IMG_20150712_092421

So now I can taste every ingredient incredibly well and it is amazing. Food has never tasted so good now that my mouth fully understands the meat, veggie, or spice inside it. An egg with just salt is all I want in life, and some oxtail. Right now I’m in Marfa though and can’t get organ meat…it’s really hard to not have it actually. My body calls out for it like the animal it is.

5. So Skinny. All the Time.

If I go high carb for even three days I lose my 105 pound goddess body. I know high carb works for some bodies, but this one just rejects it. My mind also slows down and instead of the 6-7.5 hours of sleep I need on keto I wind up sleeping for 8-9 hours. I’ll just stick to keto 😉

I also barely exercise. I do yoga about three times a week and go for twentyish minute walks a day. That’s it.

Raw Eating

 

This ‘diet’ is totally for life 😉

 

 

Enjoy life and everything you put in it.

 

 

DSCN0694.JPG

Advertisements

Low Carb and Paleo Slow Cooker Beef Stew

Raw Ingredients

Beef stew to warm your body and soul as winter fires warm the background.

Stew is a tasty and warm meal you share with your fellow humans, especially with the holidays upon us and friends and families gathering to share their favorite recipes or newly discovered stew ones.

This savory stew feeds a whole slew of people, but can also be reheated and eaten over the week for enticing mouth pleasure just for you. This stew gets even better over time as the flavors get more and more time to mingle. The radishes are the nutrient dense replacement of the potato, and with just a few carrots you get a burst of color without too many carbs to switch you out of keto into hibernation mode.

Food Stare

With the winter cold seeping in through the doors who wouldn’t want to hibernate

Oh yeah, all of us with jobs and school. I’ll remain in keto mode for the rest of the winter most likely, especially with final examinations upon us college kids. I have to spit out my educated words onto papers and bubble in the correct letters in a month or so. Because of this I’ve also been keeping up with my gut flora and having some kombucha or pickled veggies every day. Your gut flora has to be nurtured fellow humans, just feed it what our ancestors have for years and you’ll access the memories of ancient pasts (kind of…not really…with maca I do hear people chanting around campfires and feel very connected to the cave though).

This soup has no stones, but if you were to eat this stew with Stone Soup cuddled into your lap with the stew next to you and a fire crackling the night sound waves, then you might feel a true soul type of comfort. Also I might have to join you because that is now my fantasy night…kind of. We’d also need avocado brownies and cinnamon spiced kombucha.

The Taste

The meat gets so deliciously tender while still having that rip into it texture we love so much. The radishes lose all their raw bitterness and turn into delicious soft mouth morsels. The quality of your ingredients gets to come out one by one and bite by bite. Excuse me I have some stew to reheat (in either the slow cooker or in the oven).

Beef Stew Raw Ingredients

Ingredients:

For the Meat:

2 LBS Stew Meat (Grass fed and Finished, I trust my local farmer or Wellness Meats)

1 Teaspoon Salt

2 TBS Avocado or EVOO Oil (for frying)

Stew Ingredients:

2 Large Black Radishes or 2 Cups Regular Radishes

2 Tiny Carrots or 1 Medium Carrot

1/2 a Small Onion (Different Carbs in Onions Chart)

1 Clove Garlic, minced

6 Cups Homemade Veggie or Beef Broth (I used a homemade bone and veggie broth)

1 Tablespoon Worcestershire or Coconut Aminos

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Rosemary

1/2 Teaspoon Dried Thyme

Tablespoon Fresh Parsley (optional)

Couple of Sprigs of fresh Rosemary or Thyme (also optional)

Final Beef Stew

Directions:

  1. Let meat rest for 30 minutes because Alton Brown says too (more thorough and even heating essentially).
  2. Coat the meat in salt and rub it in, then sear the pieces in oil until just brown on all sides (do not overcook).
  3. Chop up Radishes both as slices and in chunks for variety. Chop up the carrots and onion too.
  4. Add meat and everything else to the slow cooker and cook on low for 8-10  hours or high for 5-7 hours.

Visual Tutorial

  1. *imagine meat resting and seared pictures here*
  2. Chop up your radishes and carrots into various sized chunks.

Chopped

3.   Sneak a carrot into your oil and then into your mouth.

Carrot Dip

4.   Add all of your ingredients to a slow cooker with some fresh parsley.

Crock Potted

5.  Store your leftover veggie bits in a giant bag to freeze and use for veggie broth later.

Veggie Bits

Tigernut Cereal (Sweetner Free, Low Carb and Paleo)

Raw Eating

Are you ready for adult cinnamon toast crunch?

People generally think cutting entire foods out of staple meals is so scary that all staples no longer fit into your red stapler body and it’s going to burn down. (Office Space reference, if you have not watched it then you have the Internet and thus no excuse not to. You can even leave me to go watch it right now…I’ll miss you though). 

For this body, food has never tasted so mouth dripping blissful. I love the way food feels and tastes going in me, and the energy it gives me throughout the entire day to connect to life in. 

My body no longer has dairy, fruits (except for bursting berries of mouth pleasure, lemons, and lychees), root veggies, sweeteners or most carbs. If you had told the high school energy drink’s laced in sour patch kids Ainsley what she would grow into she would have sprayed you with her specialty sour spray mix (it was marinaded in warheads).

If you meet me back then go ahead and say future me created an AIP cereal recipe on her little blog and watch me plotz all over you in excitement (I loved health even then, just didn’t think 3 energy drinks a day was bad if I still had spinach).

Now my throat burns at even the touch of soda but it smiles over organ meats and maca powder. The first time I tried maca powder there was no bitter, the ancient soul of my body knew it and I swear I heard my ancestors dancing and singing through my head. 

Maca Cereal MLM

It took many years to reach this point, and realizing more and more that I want every ingredient that enters me to benefit this mind. The idea of healthy was never gross to me. In fact, with those Monster energy drinks, or if I was feeling classic and cigar minded Red Bull, I would often still eat spinach at the dinner table. At first the stuff was gross, (as it is supposed to be as a bodily defense mechanism against poison) but eventually I favored it to most other foods. My body adapted and accepted every fiber of that green leaf. I also loved eggs, bacon, fruits in high abundance, cottage cheese, sauerkraut, and kale.

AIP Cereal MLM

Now I still eat eggs, bacon, berries, and have just added a much larger range of veggies to my taste bud reservoir.

All of the above words are meant to be encouragement for if you are looking at/wanting to change lifestyles, or have learned that you have to. Despite where you are in your food journey it is possible to change it and feel incredible while doing so, with amazing foods just waiting to be inside you.

Auto Immune Paleo (AIP) is an allergen free approach to the paleo diet and is used to cure chronic illnesses. The ones I care about are of the mind. To cure yourself of malfunctioning connections that lead to ADHD, depression, OCD, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, autism and all of the other mind illnesses there is ‘no cure’ for. All mental disorders actually can be seen, just in the brain, and most have nutrient deficiencies already scientifically linked to them.

Food was the only thing that cured them for me and the mental lack of control comes back every time I cheat.

It cuts out everything your body might be allergic to or is allergic to. This diet would make an incredible elimination diet if you’re looking to see what foods work for you. The elimination diet is a simple concept of cutting out the foods your body might not accept for a week and then bringing ingredients back into you one by one to see how you react. Easy concept but hard to do. Well welcome to AIP. Here is the list of what it cuts out though: From http://www.thepaleomom.com/autoimmunity/the-autoimmune-protocol

 This list is probably the most extensive one I’d ever seen of foods to cross out. Actually keto was probably just as extensive but I’m too used to it to remember now.

Luckily there is a great new flour that is AIP friendly and is splurging out all over the blogger world. Tiger Nut Flour is the newest flour to cross them all. It is actually a root vegetable and is perfect for the primal mind since our East African ancestors used them as a staple part of their diet according to a recent Oxford study. This post is long enough though so if you want to know more about the tiger nuts click here.

My favored thing about the tiger nut is that the nut is so sweet you don’t need to add any sweetener to your recipes. For added sweetness you can simply add more raspberries or blackberries to this delicious cereal. 

To Be Edited By Abbey

The Taste

This cereal is so delciious to the human taste buds that my very picky twin said it was ‘really good’. Yeah. We actually fist bumped after I squeed in delight and she smiled as she chewed it more. Abbey is basically the person that tells me I’ve gone too creative in a recipe. Oddly enough this recipe is among the most creative when it comes to ingredients.

I personally love the stroke of maca into the flavor and the crunch of the cereal is exactly like cinnamon toast crunch pieces. Oh I’ll have to make a cinnamon toast crunch version soon. That and Frosted Flakes used to be my favorite.

Inspired by The Primitive Pallet Hazelnut Mocha Cereal:

dsc_0537

Ingredients for Tigernut Flour Cereal

1/2 Cup Goldeen Flax Seed Meal

1/4 Cup Tigernut Flour (?)

1/4 Cup Hemp Seeds (?)

2 Tablespoons Maca Powder (?)

1 Tablespoon Ceylon Cinnamon (?)

1/2 Cup Full Fat Coconut Milk (Make your Own)

1/4 Tsp Vanilla

1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil (melted)

Best served with coconut milk <(^_^)>

AIP Cereal MLM

Directions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 200 for a slow bake or 300 for a quickie…ish. (30 minutes baking vs 1 hr 20 minutes for longer bake. I prefer the long bake for consistent heating).
  2. Combine the dry ingredients into your food processor and pulse a few times.
  3. Add the wet ingredients: vanilla, melted coconut oil and coconut milk. Process until a dough forms, scraping down the sides when needed.
  4. Spread the batter out across a silipat baking sheet. The longer the dough sits the firmer it gets. I used coconut oil to spread it out evenly with no holes and as thins as you can get it.
  5. Bake for 1 hour and 20 minutes at 200 or bake at 300 for 15 minutes then drop the temp to 250 and bake another 15 minutes.
  6. Take cereal out of the oven and cut into bite size pieces. A pizza cutter works perfect. I used a sharp large knife because I don’t have a pizza cutter.
  7. If any of the pieces are still poofy and don’t automatically break with pressure, bake them again at five minute and keep on checking every five minutes after (you don’t want to burn them).
  8. Turn off the oven and put the pan back in for 1-1.5 hours for maximum crispiness.
  9. Let cool (takes about ten seconds of blowing right out of the oven) before eating.

Visual Tutorial

Pulse your dry ingredients together in a food processor. Add the wet ingredients and pulse until it turns into a batter, scraping down the sides once or twice. Spread the batter onto a silipat with as few holes as possible:

Spread the Batter

Use oil if it begins to stick to your hands:

Oil to cereal time

Bake at 200 for 1 hour and 30 minutes or at 350 for blank

Remove from oven and cut into shapes (a pizza cutter works wonders but I just used a sharp large knife.

Cut Cereal Shapes

Stick the cereal back in the oven and turn it off so they completely dry out. This takes about 1-1.5 hours.

Once dry make all of the pieces cereal size with your hands and then put them onto a board and bring them outside:

DSCN0755

Let Nodame sniff but not eat, she is not human:

Nodame

Maca Cereal MLM

Nutrition Breakdown per 3/4 Cup

Tigernut Cereal (6 Net Carbs Per Serving)

Calories: 222.2

Total Fat: 17.6 g

Potassium: 159 mg

Total Carb: 13.3 g

Dietary Fiber: 7.2 g

Sugars: 3.3 g

Protein: 6.5 g

DV: Vitamin C 3%, Vitamin B-6 5%, Vitamin E 2%, Calcium 5.2%, Copper: 15%, Folate 5%, Iron: 17.8%, Magnesium 25.5%, Manganese: 2%, Phosphorous: 13.3%, Riboflavin: 2%, Thiamin: 10%, Zing 12%

Hazelnut Cereal (Low Carb/4.2 Net Carbs Per Serving)

Calories: 237.2

Fat: 20.1 Saturated: 8.3 g, Poly 3.3 g, Mono: .5 g

Potassium: 106 mg

Total Carb: 9.5 g

Fiber: 5.3 g

Sugars: 1.6 g

Protein: 7.3 g

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Total Fat:3.5 g

Saturated Fat: 0.5 g

Sodium 210 mg

Total Carb 24 g

Vitamin A, C, and Calcium 10% DV, Iron: 25% DV

Fall Spices Ox Tail

Ox Tail Strip

Ox tail is the beast mode version of ribs. They give your mouth that delicious and intoxicating fatty moment you can’t deny you love so much. Your caveman stomach is all kinds of Ramona level happy, it’s deep but always beautiful and there just for you. Unless you aren’t Scott Pilgrim…but she may have switched lovers by now anyway

That perfect tender moment of meat with just enough strength that you can pull at it and strings of savory meat fall to your chin.

I find it so enticing that I think of it all throughout my day, just waiting to come home and put it in my mouth. Now that I’ve used up my two pounds and dropped the bones back into my slow cooker with herbs and covered it in water to make some broth  (if you follow this deep wisdom of a redhead then expect liquid heaven, we can all pretend there’s heaven for this), I know how sad it is to live in life without ox tail. 

Raw Ox Tail Mind Lifting Mouthgasms (1)

My tail came from my local farmer and was cancer  free (did you hear about the report from WHO? Processed meat is officially linked to cancer.). She is actually the human who handed me my first package, like the golden ticket to my newly favored cut of meat. I remember like it’s in my memory, a white package stamped with it’s name: Ox Tail, and the price led the bottom of the paper off of the edge. I went home and followed this recipe first. A simple slow cooker Jamaican version that really needed the fresh burst of fresh herbs that my dried ones just didn’t lend.

Since fresh herbs are so expensive I knew I’d have to branch out with my next white package and go for a savory taste. 

I had just used pumpkin spice for my slowly cooked ketchup, pumpkin raw cookie dough, a couple of smoothies and some cookies. You don’t realize how much spice comes in that little container until you try and use all of it. I decided those cinnamon spices tantalized with cloves and allspice had to be used in meat. Those flavors would soak in and bring forth the depths of meat. This randomized decision led in to a fantastic finale that I’m incredibly excited to share with you, whoever you are and whoever you make it for. I’d honestly never cared so much about pumpkin spice until reading about all the immune boosting flavors of everyone’s favorite fall spices: cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves all have high levels of magnesium and other things that boost our ability to fight off colds.

These spices are only  beaten by one nutrient source and that’s organ meat. The most nutrient dense food on this planet is organ meat and all of this balanced diet talk is about eating enough nutrients to make up for those we aren’t getting from the most delicious meat there is, organ meat. 

Ox Tail really needs to be marinated for hours before it is ready to be cooked. The meat is very firm. This means that the marinade gets into the meat more than it can get into the more shallow meats. Then you very slowly cook the ox tail because it also takes longer to cook due to its rough nature. This time is very much worth it though once you get to taste ox tail. 

Raw MLM

Ingredients: Fall Spice Slow Cooker Ox Tail


2 Lbs Ox Tail

4 TBS Avocado Oil (or EVOO)

2 Tbs Worcestershire Sauce or Coconut Aminos

Tsp Salt

3/4 Tsp Crushed Cloves

1/2 Tsp Crushed Allspice

1 Nutmeg

2 Cinnamon Sticks

1 Tsp Sliced or Chopped Fresh Ginger (optional)

Leeks: As many as you can fit

After Marinade Ingredients:

1 Tbs Oil

1/2 Cup Coffee or 1/4 cup Pure Cold Brew Coffee (or water)

(without any water added)

3/4 Cups Coconut Milk or Broth

Fall Spiced Ox Tail Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

Directions for Marinade:

  1. Place the oxtail in a large glass container or any container that can hold all of the ingredients (I’ve used a loaf pan before and covered it in foil).
  2. Squeeze lemon juice over the oxtail and discard or chop up the rind into some soda water with vodka.
  3. Rub the salt in with your hands (fair warning: make sure there’s no soap left on your hands after washing or it will leave a soapy taste in your meat).
  4. Pour the oil over the oxtail and the the Worcestershire sauce or coconut aminos.
  5. Add the onions and garlic.
  6. Let marinade in the fridge for about 24 hours or as long as you can.

Slow Cooking Directions

  1. Heat oil in a pan.
  2. Sear oxtail pieces on each side for two minutes.
  3. Put all of your marinade and the oxtail into a slow cooker.
  4. Pour in coffee or pure cold brew.
  5. Pour in coconut milk or broth.
  6. Cook on low for eight hours.

Visual Tutorial

Raw Fall Spices Ox Tail Strip MLM

Put all of the marinade ingredients and the Ox Tail into a large container after rubbing the salt into the meat

and let marinade for 24 hours.

Part One VT MLM

Put all of the ingredients into the slow cooker after searing the meat. Add leeks (not pictured) and cook on low with coconut milk and coffee for eight hours.

Part Two Tutorial MLM

Turn into a cute ox picture:

Fall Spiced Ox Tail Mind Lifting Mouthgasms

As usually this delicious food is paleo, lchf, keto, sugar free, grain free, gluten free, dairy free and nut free. Not that any of that matters when it comes to just enjoying food, because when it comes to organ meat there is not diet but for human connection.

And yes I mostly just said that for Google search purposes 😉

Cocomilk Chai Latte

Ze Cocomilk Chai Pour MLM

Mmmmm winter is finally coming, and with it must be a drink worthy of a night spent with Margaery.

The earthy spices are finally in the minds of everyone and spreading like cinnamon icing across our foods and dripping into our drinks with cinnamon laced in ginger, fennel, cloves, and even anise.

My humble human mouth is not yet a fan of anise, it tastes like licorice was steeped for twenty hours and then someone tried to turn it to wine.

Wine Love (1)

It just tastes wrong and should not exist.

In my little version of reality this will not be true for long. Taste has to do with your body accepting foods as energy sources, and it simply feared anise because it was new. That was a year ago so right now it may even taste of licorice dripping out of a gorgeous chocolate hinted Merlot.

Coco Milk Chai Holding

Cinnamon sweetly touching ginger and fondling cardamon, black pepper, and cloves should happen every day. Coconut milk has this mouth dripping quality of not overpowering flavors while maintaining that creamy feeling you want from a latte.

Coconut in itself lends a new flavor for lattes that compliments and strengthens the spicy nature of Chai tea. 

Coconut also has its own sweetness despite being sugar free, and allows for very little need when it comes to extra sweetening. Try minimal sweetener and then increase if you feel you must, but the less sweetener the more you can taste the chai 😉

Final Cocomilk Chai Latte

Ingredients:

4 Oz of Fresh Water (quality matters)

1/4 Teaspoon Blue Lotus Masala Chai

(They use a powdered form which makes steeping unnecessary

Or Make Your Own like a beast human

(You’ll surpass my beastliness since I just used the powder)

4 Oz Full Fat Coconut Milk

(Or make your own)

1/8 Tsp Coconut Suga

(For paleo or Erythitrol for a low carb / keto version, coconut will lend a more earthy note)

Outside Coco Milk Chai

Directions:

  1. Boil the coconut milk and water together. If you made your own cocomilk and stored it in the fridge then be sure to add chunks of the cream layer that forms for maximal creaminess.
  2. Right when the cocomilk and water reach boiling stir in the Masla Chai or steep your own chai.
  3. Sweeten and let cool before consuming. My hurt tongue serves as reminder penance.

Chai Holding

Recipe notes:

Making your own coconut milk can definitely be cheaper over time and is so simple that I do it about once a week.

Make sure to use full fat coconut milk otherwise it will taste thin.

P.S. You’re beautiful <(^_^)>

Too Easy Tuna Salad: Zero Carbs

On so many days I arrive home starving, or tipsy, and need to just consume food. In general, keto makes you feel really full as your body is so satisfied by itself, but because of this full feeling I’ll forget to eat until about four.

At this point I could go the day without food and reach epic mental clarity, but if I’m in hunger mode I’ll just nom whatever is in oral vicinity with the ravenous force of a 105 pound goddess.

So in my mind cookbook there has to be quick and easy recipes that I can make without even having eggs or mayo. I run out of both of these constantly. Because of this simple mind cookbook I’ve been saved many a fast food caving cravings, and instead pack my body full of life nutrients.

Since taste is based on nutrients (science bitches), this tastes epic and makes for such easy travel food. Grab a lemon on the road from any random grocery store and you have a delicious lunch bursting with lemon and brain nutrients. All at zero carbs and friendly for the paleo humans.

Too Easy Tuna Salad MLM

Today I’m just going zero carb in order to detox from yesterday when I decided to scoop a 1/4 cup of honey into me.

Ingredients:

Can of Tuna (Read what to get and what to avoid here)

Juice of Half a Lemon

Two Dashes of Salt

Directions:

  1. Open can and take a few bites to make room for the juice.
  2. Squeeze in juice and add salt. If you can eat the rinds of lemons go ahead and chop it into bits and add those.

Just for you: our corgi Thor. Otherwise known as Thorgi

Thorgi

Slow Cooker Pumpkin Spice Ketchup : Paleo and Low Carb

At this point I fear everything in a can but coconut milk, and I’m just avoiding that thought. There’s even three coconut milk DIY recipes stored in my head, but the first recipe I attempted chugged up the coconut shreds to the top of the blender. I thought I messed up and just stored the concoction in my fridge to be resumed later.

Later turned to a week later and by then it was sour to the immediate realization of my nose upon opening the bottle. My defiant mouth tried anyway and spat it out. I recently learned it lasts for about three days and you’re supposed to strain out the shreds of coconut. With this confession you’ve been my priest and I can be cleansed of coconut sins. Thank you. I shall resume coconut milk making once the last three cans have been used.

When it comes to ketchup I not only fear the bottled Heinz version, but also fear the cans of paste required in most recipes. I’ve already made an heirloom marinara, can free, but I recently wondered if ketchup was possible too. If it just involved the same concept of simmering out the water then of course it was possible. Ketchup is like marinara but you replace the water with vinegar.

Then I found this fabulous recipe and grew very excited. I didn’t female hulk from the bliss, but there was definitely some magic beanstalks forming into lightbulbs. Slow cooker ketchup was already on the Internet and I didn’t have to guess my blissing way into failed attempts. Even more enticing:

This recipe could be so easily turned to fall with pumpkin spice!

What you really want in your mouth is that taste of vinegar fondling tomatoes for hours and hours. Then you reach ultimate tomato vinegar mating bliss ketchup. Cinnamon, allspice, cloves and nutmeg only enhance the earthy essence of tomatoes. All of these spices are packed with nutrients we need to build our immune systems and fight the Fall of sickness away. This ketchup makes amazing meatloaf (recently discovered) and can easily be used for parsnip chips or tofu french fries, avocado fries or mixed into guacamole. Just let your mind run free in ketchup possibility. 

If you run out of time in the day and want to fall asleep after a deep massage with a homemade massage bar, then you can pour the ketchup into a vessel, I used a cake pan, and resume the next morning.

There are several ways to make this mouthblissing ketchup depending on mouth and time desires.

In happy diet news you can serve this to any of your human friends as it is low carb, vegan, vegetarian, paleo, primal, atkins, whole 30, all natural, gluten free, sugar free, nutfree, and dairy free. Phew. Way too many diets to keep up with now. I like to just call it human friendly.

Warped

Ingredients for Slow Cooker Pumpkin Spice Ketchup:

1 TBS Pumpkin Spice

2 Pounds Tomatoes (about five cups)

3/4 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar/Vinegar of Choice

(I used bourbon Apple Cider Vinegar and Red Wine with Delicious Results)

or

1/4 Cup Water to 2/4 Cups Vinegar (if you don’t love that vinegar taste)

Dash Salt

1 Cinnamon Stick (optional)

1 Tbs Bourbon (optional)

For A Whole Spice Version:

2 Pounds Tomatoes

3/4 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar/Vinegar of Choice

or

1/4 Cup Water to 2/4 Cups Vinegar (if you don’t love that vinegar taste)

Dash Salt
2 Crushed Cinnamon Sticks
1/2 Tsp Cloves
1 Tsp Allspice
1 Crushed Nutmeg 

1 Tbs Bourbon (optional)

 
 
Directions:
 
 (If you have time to blend the tomatoes after one hour for spices to really seep in):
 
1. Chop up tomatoes and drop into your slow cooker with the salt.
2. Cook tomatoes on high for one hour and then immersion blend the tomatoes. This can splatter so either do this shirtless or wear an apron and use the Low setting.
or
Alternate 2. Skip immersion blending and just add all ingredients to the slow cooker and proceed to step 3.
3. Add the spices by putting all but the cinnamon and nutmeg into a nut bag or cheesecloth tied into a bag, and add them to the slow cooker.
4.  Cover with vinegar and make sure bag is covered by the tomatoes.
5. Add the cinnamon and nutmeg.
6.  Cook on low for 6-8 hours with the lid off.
 
7.  Remove spices and leave chunky or blend in batches for smoother ketchup.
Visual Tutorial:
Chop up the tomatoes.

Add tomatoes to the slow cooker with the dash of salt.
After one hour on high heat immersion blend the tomatoes.
Put the all spices, but for the cinnamon and nutmeg, into a nutbag or tied up cheesecloth.
Add the bag, then add the cinnamon and nutmeg.
Cook on low with the lid off for 6-8 hours.

Blend into ketchup or store as is after removing spices.
Alternate Directions:
 

 
 
(Just add all to the slow cooker and blend at the end)
 
 
 
1.  Chop up tomatoes and add to slow cooker.
2.  Coat with a tablespoon of pumpkin spice and dash of salt.
3.  After one hour: blend the tomatoes and add the cinnamon stick
or
Alternate 3.  Add the vinegar and cinnamon stick and cook on low for 6-8 hours with the lid off. (Skip the immersion blending)
4.  Unplug the slow cooker and let cool until no longer hot to the touch.
5.  Blend the mixture in batches for a less chunky version and store in the fridge.
Visual Tutorial
 
Add tomatoes to the slow cooker:

Add spices and after one hour immersion blend the tomatoes and add the cinnamon stick.

Store as is after slow cooking on low for 6-8 hours with the lid off or blend.

For Abbeast